Friday, January 30, 2009

starstruck

I feel like a 12 year old girl!

Y-Love commented on my blog!

I've been loving his music since I first heard it quite a few years ago! (I've got some of his music on my playlist - which I know you listen to every day)

You probably all saw him featured rapping in yiddish on Borat's Bro's Chanukah Vid which I posted not too long ago.

Check out his website Thisisbabylon.net or go to Y-Love's MySpace for more of his musical genius.

Here is the Official Music Vid for Change:

we are one

I may have written about this before, but in light of recent comments, I feel it necessary to bring this up again.

I once heard a dvar torah given by Rav Mordechai Elon (how MO is that) that has stayed with me and was probably the most inspiring lecture I've ever heard outside of seminary.

He was saying how each of the groups that we have within Judaism brings out different aspects of the Torah. Each group focuses on different mitzvot that another group may not necessarily work so hard at.

If all Jews were the same, we could never accomplish all 613 mitzvos.

Each group teaches us the value of a certain aspect of the Torah. Because we are all so different, we are able to learn from one another.

Rav Elon also talked about how now is the time to bring all of these ideologies together.

(the following is an excerpt from Tzipiyah.com )

It is the time for us to learn the love of Torah from Rav Shach, the messirut nefesh (personal sacrifice) from the Chabad Rebbe, the balance between the secular and religious world from Rav Soloveitchik and the love of Erets Israel from Rav Tsvi Yehuda.

When all these messages come together, the one strong message of Gueoula will be present in the world and we will finally be able to rebuild the Beit Hamikdah.

Bimhera Beyamenu!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

over 25,000 hits!

wow! 9 months ago all of this was just an idea my bestie Miri gave me. We couldv'e have a baby by now. Instead, I've got MM and a bunch of awesome readers!

Thank you all for taking the time to read my crazy thoughts every day, for your equally crazy and often inspiring comments, and for chatting with me on gtalk and facebook (when I should be sleeping)!!!

gay marriage in boro park?

Apparently there are rising divorce rates in Boro Park.
It's not what you think.
Women aren't suddenly realizing they have a way out of their marriages.
Rather, they've realized that they could get more government aid by being single mothers! (the fact that their husbands live in the adjoining duplex apparently hasn't registered yet with the IRS)
That's right - food stamps are in!
What's next?
Will gay marriage soon be the new Charedi trend? (To get papers for relatives from Eretz Yisroel of course)

clothes do make the man




According to a recent Canadian survey (sheitel-tip to my Montreal friend Estie), men and women "fantasize more about white-collar workers than such perennial objects of desire as firefighters, rock stars and models."
I can't say I disagree.
Men in suits are HOT.
Take any ordinary guy. Put him in a hot suit, designer tie, Italian shoes and you've got an instant stud makeover!
But boys - if you need help getting your look right (you know who you are!), may I suggest taking some tips from the latest edition of GQ? (unlike playboy, I buy this mag for the pictures) If you want to be Jewish and not spend $3.99, click here for the GQ Guide to Buying a Suit. (or here if you need a serious style intervention)

what the f does being MO really mean?

I consider myself ModOrth for one reason and one reason only: I don't think I fit any of the other labels.

  • I'm pretty involved with the Jewish community where I am - so I am definitely not unaffiliated.
  • I keep Shabbos and Kosher - rules out Reform or Reconstructionist or Humanistic or any of those other New Age-type denominations.
  • I would feel weird sitting next to a guy in shul - so I couldn't be Conservative (but maybe the fact that I haven't been since the 'High Holidays' does make me eligible )
  • Although I think Rebbes are cool, I think ALL Rebbes are cool - so I couldn't be any particular type of Chassid because there isn't any other Chassidish group that I hate.
  • I watch TV and Movies (shocker) and like to show skin (ok, relax, it's just my collarbones) - so I definitely wouldn't fit in the Yeshivish world. (despite the fact that they all secretly watch TV and Movies).
So I guess that makes me Modern Orthodox? But what exactly does that mean anymore? I went to an MO school growing up and almost none of the kids there kept kosher fully. Some moms (usually the ones married to teachers or principals) covered their hair with sheitels, others covered with hats, most not at all. Many moms wore pants (officially they weren't allowed inside of the building dressed that way, unless of course their husband's name was on the building), some wore skirts with short sleeves. Everyone was so different (and I've only really brought up outfits) and yet most considered themselves MO.

Apparently some dating sites are distinguishing between MO Machmir and MO Liberal. Anyone know the difference between the two? If I said I was Liberal, would that make guys think I was easy? Does Machmir mean I want to make Aliyah and wear Naots?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

random thought

Has there EVER been a movie made that actually accurately represents Orthodox Jews?

taking headcovering to a whole new level

This is hot off the Paris runway from the Chanel Couture Spring 2009 collection by Karl Lagerfeld (that white-haired, shaded and gloved crazy designer who you've probably seen in Zoolander). The headgear, made out of paper (and soon to be the latest craze on Avenue J) was designed by Katsuya Kamo.
For more pics, click here.

join this group on facebook

Search for the group called 'We are Beautiful and Chassidic Women' and join

- whether or not you are chassidic, a woman, or even if you're butt ugly.

Show support for your fellow frummies and

Show The View that us Orthos can be damnnn cute!

worth a listen - more Sagol 59

Sagol 59 sent me this song which is definitely worth a listen.

It's called Az BaMatzav Ha-Nochechi (Current Affairs) from his 2006 album entitled 'The Hip Hop Einstein' - a pretty worthy name for this talented artist.

Here's the video:



the eyes of the community

Some of us like to pretend that we don't give a sh$t about what other people think. If you want to tell me that you don't care, you're either lying to me or lying to yourself. (hopefully not to me...)
Because despite what we may like to think, we do care about our reputations. We want people to like us, to think highly of us, that we're smart or pretty or funny or a good person (you know I'm all those, right?).
And sometimes because we want to ensure that our reps stay as shiny as possible, we do or don't do certain things because we suspect that other people might be watching.
Is it wrong to do something because you want to fit in with your community? Or because you're worried about what other people will think? Or because you want other people to think a certain way of you?
Or maybe Hashem meant for us to live together (rather than on separate islands, which by the way, I wouldn't mind being on right now). Maybe being a part of a society or a community helps us stay on track.
We don't always realize that Hashem is continuously watching our every move...
But we sure do see Mrs. Goldberg staring disapprovingly at our outfit.

Monday, January 26, 2009

worth a listen - "Children Sing" by Pace Won and Mr. Green, ft. the Miami Boys Choir

Miami Boys Choir goes ghetto! Love it!

worth a watch - is it just me or is this extremely offensive?

what if they had been discussing any other cultural group?

Sunday, January 25, 2009

and who are you?

I know for a fact that this happens to every unmarried girl at a Frummie wedding.
An older woman comes up to you and asks, "What's your name?.
And of course, they don't mean your first name. They want to know who you belong to. So they can know everything about you in two minutes when they realize that you're so and so's daughter. So they can later bring you up as a suggestion to a single guy's mother. Or maybe so that they can feel like they know everyone in the Jewish world. Knowledge is power when you're a yenta!
I get this a lot - maybe it's because my parents are pretty well known where I'm from, and apparently I look EXACTLY like my mother (or my father when I'm with him, so either they're trying to make conversation - badly, or maybe I just look like ME!). I get stopped not only at weddings, but also at the bakery, at the supermarket, and one time at the library which was THE weirdest experience, because this woman literally went all the way over to where I was sitting in the study area and asked me if I was Mr. M's daughter.
I don't mind someone finding out who I am (except of course my readers!). It's the 20 questions that gets to me.
I remember flying to Israel once and for the first few hours, this frum woman (who also knows my parents, but apparently not as well as she wanted to) practically interviewed me about every detail of my life.
"What does your mother do, how old are you, what are you studying, how many siblings do you have, how old are they, what are they doing, why are you going to Israel, does your mother wear a sheitel, how's your uncle doing, what high school did you go to, where did your family go for pesach, where does your father daven".... and on and on...
I think that was the interview that broke me.
When I got off the plane, I was upset with myself that this complete stranger had been able to get all of this information from me, and I barely knew a thing about her.
So the next time I went to a frummie wedding, a woman came up to me and started asking me my name.
"My name is Mara Manischewitz", I told her.
"Oh, you're Mr. Manischewitz's daughter?", she asked.
"Yes, that's my dad!", I said.
"And how old are you?", she asked.
"21", I answered.
And then I said, "And what's your name?".
I think I was probably the first single girl to ever dare ask an older frum woman such a question.
I would've asked how old she was, but I had better manners than that.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

porn isn't kosher

RandomBochur sent me this link to an interview with Shmuly Boteach on the Dennis Prager Radio Show.
An interesting point of discussion on the show was whether porn ruins relationships.
Random wants some of my female readers to share their thoughts on this question: Would you date a guy who admits to watching porn?

Ok Random - first of all - what guy admits to that? Especially before dating someone!

And in my opinion, if a porn-watcher (there are labels for everything now, right?) was in a relationship, I would consider that cheating! (unless of course, it's out in the open, and it's something you're watching together... maybe to save money on the cost of movie tickets?)

But to date someone who watches porn pre-relationship? Gross!


UPDATE: Random did not mean before dating. While I'm not 100% sure that it would be a dealbreaker if someone I was serious about admitted something like that to me, I would be pretty offended if they didn't stop.

I should clarify that I consider it cheating because it means that someone is going outside of the relationship in order to be sexually gratified.

love life

Think of someone you love.
A parent, a spouse, a partner, a sibling, a child.
Someone that you care about.
Imagine you could never see, speak to or hear them ever again.
They would only exist to you as a memory.
A photograph of what once was.
What would you give for just 1 minute more with that person?

What if the only chance you had
Was now?

Live every moment.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

let them learn english

One of my good friends, Jude, (how many posts have I started that way?), is currently on the job hunt. She let me know that many of the job ads out there specify that employers are looking for Spanish speakers.
I personally took French in school, and can barely count to 12 in Spanish.
When a middle-aged Latino woman hit my car in the parking lot recently (ok, I'll admit it - I hit her car), she had to put her husband on the phone to translate our conversation.
And while I try to be understanding that some of the guys behind the corner store counters have recently arrived to this country and haven't yet had a chance to learn English - I can't help but feel frustrated when they don't understand when I ask for "the new US Weekly".
Listen, I love Salma Hayek and Eva Longoria (and especially Mario Lopez), so this isn't a 'Latino' rant - and I'm definitely not anti-immigrant (particularly considering that my own parents came over to this country on a boat - well, a plane).
But isn't learning the language part of the whole 'moving to a new country' experience?

miss not-so-independent

I used to be good friends with this girl in college, who was really nice and sweet. Then she told me about her new boyfriend, who didn't really seem like her type. Until I found out that EVERY boy was her type.
There are some girls out there who NEED to have boyfriends. ANY boyfriend. Who even in kindergarten were looking for someone to share their crayons with.
I never really understood girls like that.
Who would rather have a boyfriend than a bunch of friends?
And then when they get dumped for being too clingy and needy,
Because let's face it - these girls always are! -
They have no friends to shoulder their cries,
Or at least no friends who really care about a girl who constantly ditched them for a boyfriend.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

i never watched an inauguration and i'm not about to

I'll admit I only saw a two minute clip online because I wanted to see what Michelle was wearing.
The Inauguration was pretty hard to avoid.
As Miri said to me today, there could have been a war going on and we wouldn't know about it.
I think it's cool that we now have a black president, especially considering that not too long ago a black man couldn't even vote, much less run for office.
And it's refreshing to have a president that isn't from a WASPy founding father family.
But - seriously?

would polygamy work today? - part 2

Some of you have commented that polygamy would solve the shidduch crisis. It probably would...
And what if...
Abolishing polygamy actually CREATED the shidduch crisis?
What if the Torah meant for men to have more than one wife?
What if monogamy is actually NOT the ideal?
Would polygamy bring an end to adultery? divorce? abuse?

(these may just be crazy thoughts... but crazy is a fine line away from genius)

would polygamy work today?

I watched the season premiere of one of my fave shows on TV, Big Love. It's on HBO (obviously - it's got everything worth watching, unless you're the Babysitter... lol ok no more Babysitter jokes). The show deals with a polygamous yet pretty modern family. They look like normal people on a normal suburban street, but these three neighbors are in fact three wives of a very lucky man who owns a chain of Home Depot-type stores.
It got me wondering - technically, having more than one wife is cool with the Torah. But would it really work? Could a man really find three Jewish women able to get along? Without the guy having a nervous breakdown?
And let's face it ladies - we're ALL the jealous type. Could we handle having our man marry another woman, much less two or three?
And with the 'recession' happening right now - how could one man support three women with Jewish shopping habits?

Monday, January 19, 2009

is it ok to be on the phone?

At dinner, my friends and I we were discussing what happened to Ruthie, which I told you about in this post.
Obviously we were all in accordance that this guy was a major el creepo - and by the way, the details I mentioned in that post were actually toned down!
But we did find it interesting that while it was important to Mr. Nasty to wait until marriage... (maybe that's why he's soo repressed at his age) he thought it ok to engage in phone sex.
Wow. I can't believe I'm actually devoting a post to this.
But it is kind of interesting.... (and not exactly covered in Calm Kallahs - or is it?)
I mean - technically there is zero touching (well... mutual touching) involved.
You could argue that it's not exactly the most tznius thing to do.
And there's that whole 'Crime of Onan' issue...
But for a couple that's taking the shomer route...
Is it ok?

(btw - my cheeks are bright pink right now! i am no nameless/faceless)

maybe he's just not that into me...

at dinner tonight, one of my good friends, Zohara (who is Jewish and Frum - and single - and has figured out that MM is moi - and will probably kill me after reading this) asked me why it is that I write about FrumPunk so often, when he NEVER mentions me....

Good question.

Maybe he's just not that into me...

Sunday, January 18, 2009

worth a watch - mini-me on celebrity big brother uk

i know it's probably totally uncool that i'm obsessed with this show - but even you have to admit that this is soo cute!

join the kosher cuisine team!

The Kosher Cuisine team is growing!

So far, the Babysitter, Nameless/Faceless, NotaGeek and G6 have joined!

Babysitter just posted two great recipes!

Go to www.koshercuisine.blogspot.com to check it out!

E-mail materialmaidel@gmail.com to join!

mm hearts brooklyn

you probably think I'm a NY hater from some of my previous posts...
But I really do love NYC.
I really love Brooklyn.
I should specify Jewish Brooklyn - most notably Flatbush and Boro Park - because where else would I go?
I love that Brooklyn is like Israel West (calling it mini Israel doesn't feel right considering the country is the size of New Jersey).
Seriously.
Ever shopped in Geulah in J-town? Or spent a Shabbos in Bnai Brak?
If you want to get that feeling again, look no further than 13th Ave! Same people, same language, same shops. And best of all - no passport required! (not to mention reduced airfare)
Brooklyn is the only place outside of the Holy Land where you don't have to worry about finding a kosher restaurant or look for hechshers. Or find a minyan at 6 am if you're a guy. Or remember to buy flowers for Shabbos. (thank you Mexico!)
I know how some people hate the Brooklyn mentality - where everyone copies one another, tries to outdo one another, knows your business - but as long as you recognize that these people will not and cannot change - it actually becomes quite humorous! (cmon, you can't help but laugh how EVERY single girl there looks exactly the same)

does being a girl mean i have to cry - A LOT?

Have you seen the most recent Brad Pitt movie?
I saw it tonight with some of my girl posse. It felt like one of the longest movies I've ever seen. And I think I cried for almost all 166 minutes of it.
I know I've already mentioned that I have a tendency to cry at sad movies (I hope you read everything on my Meme!)
Somehow any movie that has anything to do with life and death, and especially having to do with getting old, is likely to turn on my tear faucets. And once they're on - it's hard to get my tears to stop.
But maybe because I've been trying to avoid potential cry-fests lately (or maybe it's near that time of month) somehow I feel like I haven't cried as much as I did tonight in a long time. In fact, my eyes are still red and my lips are still puffy even as I write this hours later.
I know what you're thinking...'MM is such a baby'! Yup -maybe that's it.
Maybe it's because I see my grandparents getting older - and even now my parents getting more gray, a little more wrinkles - and it all scares me. It's not a new fear. I remember crying when I was a pre-teen, wishing that I could hang on to my innocence for just a little bit longer. I wish there was a pause button (a rewind button seems to much to ask for) that I could push that would keep life the way it is now for just a little bit longer. I wish I could have a guarantee that everyone I love will always be here with me. And happy. And healthy.
Lol
I'm crying again. I better stop!
Is it just because I'm a girl? Am I just overly sensitive? Or is the sad movie music to blame?
One of my besties, Karen, mentioned that she felt weird that she hadn't cried during the movie.
I don't know that I really sympathize with her - she's not the one that had mascara all over her face!

worth a watch - All About Steve

Looks like Sandra Bullock has been busy this year!

All I have to say about this one - let's pray that none of us get into this situation!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

y'all sound like a dumb a$$

My lover, FrumPunk, has an interesting post about the hardships of being a non-NY blogger and NY accents (I wonder where he got his idea?). Click here to read it.
I can't help but agree with him on one thing - NY accents are horrible!
I know all of you NY readers will probably want to hurt me after I get this post up, but I find that as soon as a Brooklyn accent comes out of someone's mouth, it's like they automatically become less attractive. And for some reason, I associate the accent with a lower level of intelligence... (no hate mail please)
You've probably read my posts about how much I love British accents. When I was in the UK a little while ago, I felt a little stupid for sounding like a dumb American around people who spoke the Queen's English. Obviously, sounding posh doesn't necessarily mean that one is posh. But I still start speaking in a (probably bad) Brit accent every time I watch an episode of one my fave UK shows (Celebrity Big Brother, Skins, Secret Diary of a Call Girl - the second two are not for the faint of heart).
And my boyfriend had a good point about why we could never raise our kids in NY - they would sound like New Yorkers!

beards don't make the man

One of my good friends, Ruthie, just told me this crazy little 'dating' story, which she thankfully allowed me to post on here. It's too good not to share.
Ruthie is a somewhat recent BT, and like all my friends, super gorgeous (naturally).
Back in her less tznius days, she was at a Shabbos meal where she met this Breastlover (well, he was actually some other kind of Chassid/Heimish/Boro Park-type guy) who was a friend of the Rabbi of the house. Well actually, she was never formally introduced to him (seeing as how they were on opposite sides of the room and guys with black hats aren't supposed to talk to soon-to-be BT maidels), but apparently he noticed her (or was it her cleavage?).
A few days later, this guy asked the Rebbetzin about Ruthie (ie - he was interested) and (despite better judgment) the Rebbetzin gave the guy Ruthie's info. Well actually, she just gave him Ruthie's name, and then he stalked her out and found her on Facebook.
Apparently, this boy was in love.
Ruthie, in her pre-BT stage, assumed that boys with beards and black hats must be more holy than the rest.
That's why she was pretty suprised when she kept getting messages from this guy asking her to marry him (he did give her a 10 day deadline - can't wait forever!), that he would do anything to go out with her, that he would even cut off his beard for her (bet Na Na Na Nachman wouldn't like to hear that one!).
He even made his own home videos devoted to his love for her, where he came up with lines such as (Babysitter, close your eyes) "wouldn't it be nice to wake up with your legs over my shoulders". He also quoted some Gemara which I guess my Talmud teacher forgot to mention, when he said that he wanted to get Ruthie pregnant and then make their child more beautiful by "boning (her) nonstop".
BUT because he was such a Chassid, he couldn't touch her (in any of the explicit places he mentioned on more than one occasion) until they were married. But because he was also such a gentleman, he would be willing to help Ruthie out with exam stress by having phone sex with her (apparently that's ok in Shomer Negia land)....
A real keeper.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Nota Bene: 'Out-of-Town' doesn't exist

This is a message to all of you NY-ers out there who either failed your Geography Regents or have never left the Tri-State area (and for the sake of this post, I'm including the American side of Israel known as Eretz Yisroel and South Florida during winter in this definition - because let's face it - where else does a Jew travel?).
I know that I've talked about being from 'Out-of-Town'. That's only because I figured that if I named an actual city, you wouldn't know where I was talking about. (sorry for the diss peeps - you know i still luv ya. and NO, I am still not going to name that city...)
I actually wrote about this whole subject in one of my first posts, back in 1982.... ok, it was May 2008, just wanted to make sure you were still following. If you need a refresher, click here.
But truth is - there is no such place as Out-of-Town. You people made it up.
And I HATE it.
Not that you made it up, but that such a label continues to exist.
Because it just doesn't make any sense.
The only thing that Torontonians and Bostonians have in common is that they probably both have mutual hate (and envy) of you people.
So, please, next time you speak to someone who doesn't sound like Fran Drescher, try and refrain from brushing all non NY natives with the Out-of-Town brush. Because (geography lesson coming up).....there is no such place.

mm loves dunkins

Thank you to Nic Strahl for letting me know about the new Kosher LeMehadrin Dunkin' Donuts in the NYC -right in the UWS! It's on Amsterdam Avenue between 93rd and 94th (next door to Gan Asia).

They deliver, they cater, and they also have more than donuts! (I wonder if they still have those awesome tuna bagel sandwiches?)

You can also get a 10% discount with this code: MKTG101

Monday, January 12, 2009

worth a watch - I Love You, Man

this is for the guys! (looks like a movie you can take your girl to)

worth a watch - The Proposal

you know how i love romcoms! and it's great to see sandy b. looking good again. not to mention that cutie ryan reynolds.

rate mm!

worth a listen - Sagol 59

I wish these guys had a music video for their other song "Till the Fat Lady Dances ft. Noa Faran" - which you can find (along with other great songs, such as Leeches) on their MySpace page .
But this song, Move Forward (Lech Kadima) posted here is pretty good too!
You prob think I'm Israeli for a lot of my 'Worth a listen' selections - but I love promoting my fellow tribespeople when we come up with genius like this.
Sagol 59 is Hebrew Hip Hop the way I love it - just the right mix of rap + pop...

To book or buy, click here for JDub Records.


chassidim and manners don't mix

I was helping out at this wedding dress gemach today (let's hope it's a good segulah! i'll let you know if it works...). A gemach - to that one person who marked 'unaffiliated' in my poll - is where religies (it's my fave expression - a synonym for frummies - and yes I do somewhat kinda include myself in that category) can rent gowns for cheap. Although this one I was at must have been ultra-posh because it costs at least $500/night to borrow one of their used (and only SLIGHTLY stained) dresses. I really shouldn't talk dirt about a gemach though - they do good work, and I'm pretty sure that I've read somewhere in my 'Chofetz Chaim a day' book that lashon harah applies to both juristic and natural persons. And of course, like I said, there's that whole segulah thing...

Ok, technically I've just lied to you. I wasn't really there to help out the gemach - I was really there looking at dresses with a friend (Miri's sister is engaged!!!!). But I guess I didn't look too busy because one of the religies in charge asked me to give them a hand. I actually love helping out -when someone asks for help I think it means Hashem wants to give me a chance to do a mitzvah (seeee I can get beyond the material).

So as part of my good deed of the day, I was 'in charge' of taking the garbage out. I know - it's good to be a VIP. Despite not fully comprehending what a gemach could possibly have to throw out, I happily carried big black bags full of torn veils and who knows what else from the 'store' to the trash cans outside.

Ok - why am I telling you all this? I should get to the point, shouldn't I?

Well, this physically daunting task required me to go down a flight of stairs and through a heavy door to get to my destination - all while carrying the aforementioned cumbersome garbage bags. There was a group of Chassidish women and girls chattering in the front hall blocking the door. I'm pretty sure they noticed me trying to get through (a jean skirt and long hair in this part of town definitely stand out - and then there are those huge bags). But no one moved until I said in a somewhat loud, but nonetheless very polite voice (I've read Emily Post, remember), "Excuse me, can you please MOVE out of the way" - or other words to that effect. And then when they finally parted like the Red Sea (giving me the Boro Park stare like nobody's business), I had to ask for someone to please hold the door open. I remember a few girls looking reluctantly at one another for a good 30 seconds before someone finally came to my aid.

I know that the title of this post is one super-huge generalization. But this isn't the first time I've come across Chassidish people without manners. (maybe I should include the yeshivish crowd too?) Ok - and yes, I've encountered non-religies, and even goyim (ok not a good word to use, but I've been around chassidim all day) who also lack social graces. So maybe it's not JUST a Chassidish thing. But isn't having good manners part of having good middos? And isn't part of being a 'good Frum Jew' trying to have the best middos possible? And I'm pretty sure that holding the door open for other people is like one of the first things you learn in school about good middos... (maybe after helping an old lady cross the street...)

is mm pregnant?

I have THE most unbearable migraine...
I feel like I need to throw up, but nothing comes out...
I've got crazy nausea...
And I've totally lost my appetite...
Now I also feel horrible for subjecting you to these gross details...
Maybe I'm pregnant!
....
juuuuust kiddding!
(do i hear a sigh of relief from frumpunk? lol)

Sunday, January 11, 2009

are romance novels assur (again)

The Babysitter just included MM in her latest blog roll and she commented that my post on Romance Novels was one of her faves!

It was one of my earliest posts, so for those of you who only discovered me recently, I've decided to republish here for you today!

I hope I dont sound like some stuffy Hashkafah teacher for bringing this subject up...
But haven't you ever wondered whether those Danielle Steele/Judith McNaught/whoever-it-was-that-wrote-the-Devil-Wears-Prada novels could be assur?
Ok, you're probably protesting right now that you don't read those types of books.
I call your bluff. I know you snuck those books home from your friend's house when you were 13 trying to figure out what exactly was going on with those two main characters. How else do you learn about the birds and the bees? And don't tell me you didn't feel the tiniest tinge of guilt as you were flipping through those pages... Maybe you still feel it, but you've learned to squash it...
Couldn't you technically say that reading these novels that would be rated R if such ratings existed, is just as bad as watching pornography?
Wish I knew some halacha to back it up right now.
Maybe we're scared that if we stay away from reading "garbage", that we'll have to stop watching and listening to "garbage" too. And garbage these days is everywhere. (junior high kids doing "it" on Gossip Girl, most of the Top 40 on the radio, even the Cartoon Network!) Would that mean that we'd have to limit ourselves from EVERYTHING? Maybe we should. Maybe all that nonsense is really bad for our neshamas. Maybe those crazy Chassids have a point....
But.... there's no way I'm giving up Gossip Girl!

Friday, January 9, 2009

rude things that people do at shabbos meals

this is another that comes from the FrumSatire suggestion box.

I like to think of myself as somewhat of a Jewish Martha Stewart. But maybe less monotone, a little friendlier, and definitely without a criminal record. (I'll take the TV show, books and multiple sprawling estates though)

When it comes to table settings and manners, I like to think that I know it all. For one of my childhood birthdays, I asked my mother for this 900-page reference book on Etiquette, which I've read more than a few times cover to cover.

My mother isn't really the type to care where the fork goes or how you hold your spoon (well, maybe a little), so I'm not exactly sure where this 'anal' side of me comes from.

Mind you, I'm really only Martha-esque in my home... For some reason I never really notice other people's manners - only my families'!

But, I will admit that I do have a few pet peeves that some guests do when they come over for shabbos meals. (But PLEEEASE, if you do come over - do NOT feel uncomfortable!) So here they are:

1) When someone does not use the serving utensils.
They are there for a reason! Do not stick your fork/spoon/knife into a salad bowl - thereby contaminating the salad!

2) When the aforesaid serving utensils touch someone's plate.
You know this happens because you hear the clink clink sound of silverware touching china. Again - germs are probably being transferred!

3) When someone uses a piece of bread, their fork, or even (gasp) their finger to remove food from a serving utensil.
I've seen all three with my very eyes - and this is probably one of THE worst offences someone can do at my table. You know the rest of that dish is going straight in the garbage right after.

4) When someone breaks the 'pass' around.
This is when you've kindly asked your guests to pass around a dish, but one guest decides to break the chain and plunk the dish right in front of himself (I'm saying HIMself, because women are almost never guilty of any of these offences).

I'm still considering whether I should add the 'kiddush wine-share' offence. This is when a kiddush-maker drinks from the kiddush cup before sharing the wine with everyone. My father doesn't do this (Baruch Hashem!), but I've been to many Shabbos tables where this occurs. Sometimes I drink anyhow (alcohol kills bacteria right?)... Sometimes I get grossed out and don't... Thoughts?

the yichud room

First of all - sheitel-tip to FrumSatire for taking me out of writer's block with this one...

I remember when I first heard about the Yichud Room. I was about 12 years old, and one of my friends had heard about it from someone she knew, who heard about it from their older sister's best friend, or so the story goes. We were at that age where sex and bodies were like part of this mysterious secret that came with growing up. Another friend had this "What's happening to my body" book with a chart that showed the progression of male and female bodies during puberty - which was obviously a hit among us prepubescents (did I mention that those were naked bodies). We knew what sex was, but didn't necessarily know all the mechanics involved. We also knew that it was something that happened between two people after their wedding (we were very good little girls).

And so naturally, when one of our crew came back with tales of the Yichud Room - the place where the bride and groom are left together for the first time - we naturally assumed that this was THE figurative chamber of secrets. We assumed that 'being together' in the Yichud Room was our parents' way of saying that this was where the magic happens (you do watch Cribs don't you?).

Over the years, I finally realized that the Yichud Room is in fact NOT where a young couple does the deed. For one - who would want their first time to be that quick? And secondly - there are pictures to take! People to dance with! Food to eat! (especially if you didn't think ahead and plan your wedding on a Rosh Chodesh)

But, in the words of FrumSatire, "am I the only one who wonders whats goin on in the Yichud rooms"?.

lost in translation

does it ever happen that you have an AIM or MSN or Google Chat or Facebook Chat (am I missing anything here? does anyone still use ICQ?) with a friend - and for some reason your sarcasm just doesn't translate well.

Or maybe the other person gets your 'joke' but you can't tell based on what they've written back... Do they understand or are they just really dumb?

Or maybe they're being sarcastic back and you're the one who's not getting it....

This is yet another example of how the Internet can ruin a relationship....

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

how was your fast?

Hope you all had a meaningful fast!

I actually forgot all about it....

Well, I knew that it was coming up - I knew this yesterday in fact...

But maybe it's just that I'm not a morning person...

So when I woke up bright and early today at 11:45 AM

And my mom (who just came back from NY) showed me all the goodies she picked up from Oh Nuts (have you ever been there? it's candy store heaven)

I just couldn't resist having a chocolate-covered rum nut ball thing for breakfast with my tea.

My father and the rest of my family were already gone when I woke up

And my mom kinda thinks only Yom Kippur is an important fast (I'm over telling her otherwise)

So there was no one to remind me this morning that I wasn't supposed to eat a bunch of the aforesaid rum balls... and cheerios...

Or to meet my friend for lunch ...

Hope Hashem thinks like my mom!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

find music by tapping your spacebar

Let me know if this works for you:

http://www.bored.com/songtapper/s/tappingmain.bin?dotap=1

taking advantage of women

This post is about Automobile Mechanics. Ok - you probably didn't expect that from the post title.

But I was at the garage the other day - on my own - asking for an estimate to get a little boo-boo fixed on my car.

The guy there said he would do me a 'favor' and ONLY charge me $200 to get the part replaced.

I may not know anything about cars, but I know that you ALWAYS get a second opinion about these things.

Good thing my uncle was once a mechanic - he left me know that the actual retail value of the part was about 1/4 of the price quoted to me and that the job would take less than 10 minutes.

I let him take the car in for me to another garage - and sure enough, I paid waaaay less than $200.

I know I'm just bringing up a stereotype here - but seems like some stereotypes are true!

But one thing's for sure - never underestimate a woman!

Monday, January 5, 2009

new york city on wednesday

A few of my friends mentioned that they received a text message advising them not to go into the City on Wednesday. Another friend was apparently told the same thing by a Muslim taxi driver.

Has anyone heard about this?

This is how the palestinians are using their children

I hate to get political, but this is horrible.

pimping out my friends

Calling All Single Guys!

Here is your chance!

I was at a dinner tonight with a whole bunch of friends
- all gorgeous, smart, funny, social women
- and all single!

My friends are Ashki, Sephardi, ModOrth, Lubav, Bais Yacov, and not frum at all.

So if you're a cute single guy looking for a great girl - now is your chance!

E-mail your "resume" to materialmaidel@gmail.com !

Who knows... maybe MM can work her magic...

Sunday, January 4, 2009

important to watch - blessed is the match movie

I remember being taught about Chana Senesh z"l in high school, and I was surprised that some of my friends had never heard of her.

Chana was a Hungarian Jew living in Palestine, now Israel. At the age of 22 she and 36 other Palestinian Jews were trained by the British army to parachute into Yugoslavia during the Second World War in order to help save the Jews of Hungary, who were about to be deported to the German death camp at Auschwitz.

Senesh was arrested at the Hungarian border, imprisoned and tortured, but she refused to reveal details of her mission and was eventually tried and executed by firing squad.

She is regarded as a national heroine in Israel, where several streets and a kibbutz are named after her, and her poetry is widely known.

One of her most famous songs is Halikha LeKesariya (A Walk to Caesarea), commonly known as Eli, Eli (My God, My God). Many singers have sung it, including Regina Spektor and Sophie Milman. It was used to close some versions of the film Schindler's List:

My God, My God, I pray that these things never end,
The sand and the sea,
The rustle of the waters,
Lightning of the Heavens,
The prayer of Man.

אלי, אלי, שלא יגמר לעולם
החול והים
רישרוש של המים
ברק השמים
תפילת האדם

The voice called, and I went.
I went, because the voice called.



i guess i'm just really bad with names

A few weeks ago, this guy I was set up with gave me a call.

He said that my phone number sounded very familiar - which is pretty strange, I mean who memorizes phone numbers! I barely know my closest friends' digits.... you know because these days cellphones come with address books...

He asked me if I was from Baltimore - another weird question - didn't he ask the shadchan ANYTHING about me?

He then told me a story about a girl this girl from Baltimore and slowly, I realized he wasn't totally crazy - he was talking about me! Of course I didn't mention anything. I pretended to be shocked and appalled that someone would do such a thing. And then I tried to find excuses why we weren't going to be a good match!

Here's the story, for your enjoyment!

This goes back at least two years if not more. Two different people had set me up with two different guys who both lived in Brooklyn. I was going to be in Boro Park for a friend's wedding, so I figured why not get in some dating while I was there.

I had been on the phone with both guys the week before my trip - and like the name of this post suggests, I'm really bad with names, so I could hardly keep track of which guy said what.

It was my early days of dating when I was far from serious about the whole thing (not that I am that much more mature now). Our conversations were really about NOTHING (kinda like Seinfeld) and I was careful not to ask specific questions - lest I get the information wrong! (nothing is worse than asking an orphan to tell you about his parents)

Anyhow, I eventually told boy #1 that it wouldn't work out over the phone - this was before I had met either of them. He just always seemed to talk about things that were a little toooo sexually inappropriate. Creeeepy. So I was down to boy #2 who seemed a little more normal on the phone - if only because he didn't sound like a molester.

I was supposed to meet him the next night after my friend's wedding. But at the wedding, the kallah kind of 'bullied' me into coming to her sheva brachos, so I had to tell boy #2 that our date would have to be rescheduled.

He wasn't too happy about that. "Don't you want to see me", he asked. "I don't even really know you", I responded. He kept whining and bugging me about it, so eventually I got really fed up and said "MORTY! Listen! I Can't See You Tomorrow!". Turns out his name was Chaim. I was sooo embarrassed, I faked a bad cellphone signal and blocked his calls.

And that is why, ladies and gentleman, one should never double date!

brachas on breasts

A friend of mine, Tzipporah, came over for dinner, and showed a little bit of cleavage.

Another friend, Ben, told me later that he couldn't make brachas or bench in front of her 'display'. (He also asked me to put away all the US Weeklies and other mags with non-tznius ads)

Her problem? I'm thinking it's his.

You can't force other people to cover up.

Unless you're in Afganistan.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

new blog! kosher cuisine

A while ago I started typing up some of my favorite recipes and posted them on a blog that I called Kosher Cuisine.

While the site was once strictly for my own personal use, I've decided to let you all in on an MM secret - I can cook!

So hope you check out Kosher Cuisine and let me know what you think!

Friday, January 2, 2009

the importance of being edumacated

I was recently set up with this guy who happens to be a little bit more Yeshivish than me. To tell you the truth, I only went out with him because I was wondering why a Yeshivish guy would agree to date someone who wasn't. (Turns out he wanted to 'see if it could work' with me, despite the fact that I wear jean skirts. Does that make me a science project?) And because like I've said before, I secretly have a thing for guys with black hats.

So like any Litvish bachur, he never went to College. Although that's normally an important criteria for me in my quest to find a mate (let's be honest here - that's what we're all doing!), it's not necessarily a deal breaker. Don't get me wrong. I think education is extremely important. I would definitely prefer to 'spend my life' with someone who has achieved a similar level of education. Nevertheless, while it would be nice if a guy knew that the title of this post was a reference to an Oscar Wilde play, as long as a guy knows I'm not talking about the Wiener Dogs, it's cool.

I know that school isn't for everyone - some people, for whatever reason, have to take the work route in the 'Choose your own adventure' path that is life. A lot of people I know, my father included, have done prettty well without a bachelor's degree. (Richard Branson and Simon Cowell were high school dropouts. But then, so was Paris Hilton.)

Anyhow, back to the guy without an education - I think he had some sort of inferiority complex about his lack thereof (oops - lashon harah). He kept talking about how he was so much smarter than his friends who did go to college and how education is totally unimportant and irrelevant. That was the deal breaker. (my future kids, definitely not with this guy, are definitely going to college.)

He asked me if I was concerned about his lack of education. Maybe because I'm a really nice person and because I didn't want to shatter his fragile ego, I told him that I didn't mind. I'm really not good at breaking up with people.

So instead, I told him that my mother doesn't cover her hair and that I recently showed some skin at the beach. And got tipsy over New Year's. And that I watch Californication and Weeds. And that I would definitely need a TV in the house to watch these shows.

Date over.

:)