i guess i'm just really bad with names

A few weeks ago, this guy I was set up with gave me a call.

He said that my phone number sounded very familiar - which is pretty strange, I mean who memorizes phone numbers! I barely know my closest friends' digits.... you know because these days cellphones come with address books...

He asked me if I was from Baltimore - another weird question - didn't he ask the shadchan ANYTHING about me?

He then told me a story about a girl this girl from Baltimore and slowly, I realized he wasn't totally crazy - he was talking about me! Of course I didn't mention anything. I pretended to be shocked and appalled that someone would do such a thing. And then I tried to find excuses why we weren't going to be a good match!

Here's the story, for your enjoyment!

This goes back at least two years if not more. Two different people had set me up with two different guys who both lived in Brooklyn. I was going to be in Boro Park for a friend's wedding, so I figured why not get in some dating while I was there.

I had been on the phone with both guys the week before my trip - and like the name of this post suggests, I'm really bad with names, so I could hardly keep track of which guy said what.

It was my early days of dating when I was far from serious about the whole thing (not that I am that much more mature now). Our conversations were really about NOTHING (kinda like Seinfeld) and I was careful not to ask specific questions - lest I get the information wrong! (nothing is worse than asking an orphan to tell you about his parents)

Anyhow, I eventually told boy #1 that it wouldn't work out over the phone - this was before I had met either of them. He just always seemed to talk about things that were a little toooo sexually inappropriate. Creeeepy. So I was down to boy #2 who seemed a little more normal on the phone - if only because he didn't sound like a molester.

I was supposed to meet him the next night after my friend's wedding. But at the wedding, the kallah kind of 'bullied' me into coming to her sheva brachos, so I had to tell boy #2 that our date would have to be rescheduled.

He wasn't too happy about that. "Don't you want to see me", he asked. "I don't even really know you", I responded. He kept whining and bugging me about it, so eventually I got really fed up and said "MORTY! Listen! I Can't See You Tomorrow!". Turns out his name was Chaim. I was sooo embarrassed, I faked a bad cellphone signal and blocked his calls.

And that is why, ladies and gentleman, one should never double date!