worth a watch - NCSY Supermarket Takeover

the official shidduch resume

So I was trying to help my friend Shaindy out with her shidduch resume when we decided to see whether Google had any good templates for us to use.

We found this on Hashkafah.com. Feel free to print this out next time a Shadchan calls.

The Offical Shidduch Resume

(FOR GIRLS)
Name:_______________ Nick name:________________
Age:________________ Screen name:________________
DOB:_______________ Sign:__________________
Place of Birth:
City:________________ State:______________ Country:__________
Hospital:_______________ Doctor:_______________ Midwife:_______________
Height:
With heels on:_______________
Without heels on:________________
Weight:
Before sister's wedding:______________
After sister's sheva brachos:_______________
Color Eyes:
With contact lenses:____________ Without contact lenses:_________
Religious Affiliation:
A. Jewish:
( ) FFB (Frum From Birth)
( ) BT
( ) OT
( ) Out of towner
( ) Regular orthodox
( ) Modern orthodox
B. Education: Please star * anything that was co-ed
a) Playgroup:_____________
B) Preschool:_____________
c) Elementary School:______________
d) High School:_____________
e) If you did not attend a Bais Ya'akov High School, please write a 500 word essay why. (You may attach additional paper to the back of this
resume).
f) Day Camp:_____________
g) Sleep-away Camp:_______________
h) Seminary:_______________
*Why davka this one__________________________________________________.
*Was this your first choice? Were you rejected from any seminaries and if yes, please
specify:_____________________________________________________________.
GETTING PERSONAL:
1) So, who really is the prettiest girl in Bais Ya'akov Monsey?_________________.
2) Are you really a hocker??
Check if you have any of these:
___ # of cellphone(s)
___ # beeper(s)
___ # of blowdrier(s)
___ Type of car(s)
___ VCR/DVD
___ TV
___ computer with email
___ computer with internet
___ computer with Koshernet
3) Did you ever have a crush on a boy in Miami Boy's Choir?
No____ Yes_____ (If yes, please specify # and which ones) ____________________________________
THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS MAY SEEM A BIT UNUSUAL, HOWEVER, PROFESSIONAL SHADCHANIM KNOW WHAT REALLY DETERMINES A GIRL'S CHARACTER.
4) What midda really defines your character? _____________________.
5) What do you do to relax?
A. Eat
B. Get you nails/hair done
C. Go shopping
D. Talk on the phone
E. Say Tehillim
F. Design your wedding gown
6) How much food do you need to be satisfied?
A. One slice of pizza, french fries or onion rings and a diet coke
B. Half a burger or hotdog
C. Salad, salad, and more salad
D. 3 Chalav Yisrael Hershey Kisses
E. Satisified? Never, I'm on a diet!
7) What are your eyebrows like?
A. I wax once a month
B. So thick I have to tweeze every-other night
C. Very sparse, I need to color them in
D. Non-existent is in, didn't you see the latest cover of Seventeen?
8) During the Oscar's, you are:
A. Doing chesed to counter-act the tumah
B. Watching for tips
C. Watching ER
D. The Oscar's, what's that?
9) Are your suits:
A. Long jacket, long skirt
B. Long jacket, short skirt
C. Short jacket, long skirt
D. Short jacket, short skirt (and how short?)
E. Suits, me? I go casual; denim skirt, Gap sweatshirt
10) How often do you buy a new Shabbos robe?
A. Once a year
B. Every time I see one I like
C. Whenever they go on sale
D. Twice in a life time (Bas-Mitzva and wedding IY"H)
11) How many outfits do you go through on Shabbos?
A. 1-3
B. 3-5
C. I don't get dressed
12) How much time do you spend doing your hair before a date?
A. I don't, a ponytail is good enough for me
B. 10 minutes
C. 20-40 minutes
D. 60+ minutes
13) What do you use to do your hair?
A. Brush only
B. Blowdrier
C. Straightner/Curler
D. Gel/Mouse
E. All of the above
14) What brand of make-up do you use?
A. My mother doesn't let me wear make-up
B. Whatever is on sale at Target
C. Mary Kay
D. Clinique/Lancome/Estee Lauder/MAC
15) What would you buy with a $100 gift certificate to Macy's?
A. New make-up
B. Third pair of Shabbos shoes
C. Lingerie
D. Macy's chas veshalom! I only shop at Brenda's!
E. The skirt I saw Miriam wear last week
FAMILY MATTERS:
16) What kind of table cloth does you family use?
A. Disposable
B. Pink with lace
C. Classic white
17) What does your family serve for Oneg Shabbos?
A. What Oneg Shabbos? We're all on diets!
B. Only Pashkes and Liebers
C. For those over 16- diet coke, 15 and under- fruit punch
D. Dried fruit
E. Nosh is only for those who clear the table
18) What's your retail value on the market? $$$__________
19) What time do you daven Shacharis Sunday morning?
A. Neitz, I'm usually up anyways
B. I set my alarm for an hour before zman kriyas shema
C. My mother wakes me 5 minutes before chatzot
D. Shacharis Sunday morning?!
20) What is your monthly phone bill usually like? ______________
21) What's your favorite page in a yearbook?
A. Baby pictures, they're just sooo cute!
B. Divrei Torah
C. Class pictures
D. Jokes and memories
E. Family pictures of girls with older brothers
22) When you see those chocolates on the coffee table, do you:
A. Begin drooling, but remember your bathing suit is only a size 4
B. Count calories
C. If it’s PMS time, I'll grab the whole box
D. I will not succumb to this great taiva
23) What do you do if your date opens the car door for you?
A. Look down, I'm makpid on shmiras einayim (no eye contact)
B. Run back into my house and call the shadchan
C. I say thank you, and get in
D. Blush and get in silently
24) What's your favorite dating spot?
A. Lounge
B. Lounge
C. Lounge
D. Other??? Couldn't come up with any!
25) If your older brother has a friend over for lunch, you:
A. Look down the whole meal
B. Blush when he asks you to pass the cholent
C. Talk about politics
D. Have an animated conversation until your father asks you to clear the table
E. Eat at your friend's
26) What's the most embarrassing thing that happened to you on a date?
A. My mascara shmeared
B. My hair frizzed in the rain
C. He forgot my name
D. Too many quiet moments
E. When I sat down, my skirt went above my knees
F. Met too many of our ex-dates in the lounge
27) Why do you feel you are ready for marriage?
A. My parents are forcing me
B. I want a baby
C. I just came back from sem, a true kalah maidel
D. I can whip up a whole Shabbos in 3 hours
E. All my friends are
28) What does it take for a boy to get on your list:
A. One phone call, I'm 20, an alta kakah
B. 4 phone calls from prominent rabbanim
C. Money makes things move pretty quickly
D. He has to be my mother's cousin's sister's mother-in-law's best friend's son
E. If he attends the Mir
F. A blue eyed stud who knows how to dress
29) What do you feel is your supreme sacrifice for Torah?
A. Living on a kollel salary
B. Letting your husband learn half a day
C. Eating out only once a week
D. Driving a Camry (not a Mercedes or Rolls)
E. Doing my nails myself
30) Why do you think you should be chosen above everyone else?
A. I throw really cool parties
B. I wear a size 4
C. I have great yichus
D. I can talk on the phone while mopping the floor and holding the screaming baby
E. I have a great personality, real modest
F. My grandparents left me a huge trust fund
31) What kind of engagement ring are you looking for:
A. A plain band
B. A nice 1 carat diamond
C. A big diamond surrounded by emeralds
D. I'll take what I can get
E. Anything from Tiffany's or Cartier
I, _____________________ promise that everything I have answered above is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Please help me Hashem.
SIGNATURE: ____________________

betty draper syndrome

You've got to watch Mad Men to get what I'm about to write.

Don't worry, the show is pretty clean. Well, in comparison to anything on HBO anyway. If you don't have cable here's a brief synopsis of one of the show's most interesting characters.

Betty Draper is the model-turned-suburban homemaker, wife to Don Draper, the 1960's creative director at a NY advertising agency. He cheats, she knows; she cheats, he doesn't. They endure a brief separation but eventually get back together when she discovers she's pregnant with their third child. She sulks, she smokes (even while pregnant), she yells at her kids, she complains to her shrink (who then reports to her husband). She recently told her shrink that her mother "wanted me to be beautiful so I could find a man. There’s nothing wrong with that. But then what? Just sit and smoke and let it go ‘til you’re in a box?". It's like Valley of the Dolls only she hasn't yet discovered those little blue pills.

I was having sushi with some friends the other night when I met a group of my parents' acquaintances. The wives are classic Betty Drapers. They're not young anymore, but they're still trying hard to look it (I've actually seen some of them out wearing their bandages). They don't have jobs (which is fine by me, my mother shops for a living too and honestly, I wouldn't mind doing the same), but they don't really do much of anything else either. They all have gorgeous husbands (it's true, men do get better with age) with great salaries, but who spend more time eying their teenage babysitters than honoring their wedding vows. Maybe that's why their wives need to spend so much of their own time getting those brow wrinkles filled in with Restalyne.

the mm workout mix

Here's a new playlist I'm working on that's just for working out. The first 25 songs are ones that I've added - the rest is up to YOU! Add your fave songs that I can really run to. Something with a great beat - nothing slow!

Listen here.

the truth about kosher blowjobs

WARNING - this post may contain information that is not suitable for children, babysitters or BY teachers.

Thanks to Nameless Faceless for inspiring this one... her post made me realize that I've got to work on my gag reflex.


They used to say that Jewish girls don't give blowjobs.

Guess Monica Lewinsky changed that up. Or maybe she just 'blew' our cover - maybe we just wanted to keep our guys thinking that a BJ from a Jewish girl was a very rare and special gift, necessitating a very rare and special gift in return, preferably diamonds.

I think I was in middle school when the whole Bill Clinton scandal erupted. I didn't know what the big deal was - surely a cheating President was nothing new...(we'd all heard about JFK + Marilyn Monroe... and side note - don't I kinda look like her? Marilyn, not Monica)

I remember Barbara Walters asking Monica whether oral sex was considered sex. I was shocked by this question. Didn't Barbara know the difference? (I was actually also kind of surprised that someone over the age of 16 knew what oral sex was....I kinda thought our generation had invented it.)

At my co-ed MO day school, probably starting in middle school, bj's were something that happened. We all knew which girls were doing it, which boys they were doing it with, and we loved talking about them - and it. When you're at that age when you're learning about how your own body works, learning about how the opposite sex's body works feels like getting in on the hugest secret ever. And girls love sharing secrets. Some girls kept lists of their conquests (thank you feminism) and showed their lists to their 'best and closest friends' who in turn told everyone else. Sure those girls were labeled sluts, and sure we sang 'Hi Ho, Hi Ho' as they walked the halls, but maybe the rest of us were just a little jealous that these girls got to know and see what 'it' was all about.

Maybe it was because of the Bill-Monica situation, or maybe because word had finally reached adult ears of the 'infamy' of our school's girls... that the administration decided to take action. They hired one of the rabbi's wives to give us what was essentially a one-time sex-ed course, obviously not labelled as such. We basically spent two hours making her explain why bj's aren't kosher -  she blushed the entire time and said it was 'yucky' and that she couldn't imagine doing that with her husband. I think we were more than happy to hear that last part. I don't think anything else she said was all that effective.

So are bj's kosher? Well - does it really matter? Even if it isn't, will it stop anyone?

things that frum weddings can do without

This one's inspired by Bad4Shidduchim's recent post about how she hates the whole maypole umbrella 'tradition' that is now a part of every frum wedding. (personally, I don't really mind it...it makes for great pics! and it's practically how you know the wedding you're at is Jewish - no matter what the original origin of the thing)

Here are some things I don't think Frum weddings realllly need (if only because these things sometimes puzzle me or just plain get on my nerves):

1) Simcha Dancing - or, as I like to call it, Square Dancing. Because no one is ever really any good at it and no one ever looks good doing it, except for the one or two girls who decide to go off in a corner of the dance floor and pull moves you know they practice at home. Rarely is the Kallah actually involved in the routine - and all it does is confuse everybody else and put a halt to the REAL dancing  - you know, where everyone squeezes together in disjointed circles around the perspiring bride.

2) Lifting of the Bride by women in stilettos - I think if there is any moment in a girl's life where she should give in to non-Shomer desires, this is it. If what was supposed to happen in the Yichud room went according to plan, then surely the bride won't mind letting a few more sweaty guys get a little close. Let the men lift her people! It's a matter of life and death. No seriously, we've all heard that one story about the bride who spent her wedding night in the hospital because of a bad chair-lift. And why is there always that one girl in size-double-zero dress wearing six-inch heels part of the lift crew? I see a chairlift and I step away - there's no reason to get into a situation where you're potentially liable for a lawsuit.

3) And speaking of which..... putting the bride on a table is NOT safe either. I say this from personal experience, where I thought that we had killed the bride, as a table leg broke and she came crashing to the ground. Not a happy memory.

4) The three-dance rule. I hate rules. And if the bride is someone I really like, and if I'm having a great time, I don't see why the band has to stop playing after just three rounds of circle-time. One time, I got yelled at by a DJ when I asked him to play just one more song. (he must've been off his meds - wish I remembered his name so I could tell you who not to use)

5) People talking during the Chuppah. This is almost worse than talking during Shul. So disrespectful. Ok, I'll admit - I am sometimes guilty of this too. (this is often the best time to get all the gossip about the groom's illegitimate brother and his uncle's recent jail-time). But when the noise level of the crowd is so bad that you can barely hear the Chussan step on the glass, there is a problem.

6) Bad Sushi - there's no secret that sushi is the way to my heart. But sushi at weddings is rarely any good, or even passable. And how exactly are people supposed to use the soy sauce? Even when my craving overrules my palate, I hate eating Sushi at shmorgs (well really, I hate eating at shmorgs) because there really is no polite way to eat a piece besides stuffing the entire thing in my mouth. Definitely not polite to have a mouthful of rice when I'm busy saying hello to each of my hundred second cousins. Still, I applaud the efforts of families who actually do bother to spend some dough on a decent shmorg. (if you're really bored right now, go look up the word 'shmorg' at http://www.urbandictionary.com/)

7) Bright Lights - I know old people hate the dimmer switch, but I personally think it adds ambiance. I hate when weddings are brightly lit - in a room where everyone's wearing entire jars of MAC, you'd think halls would be glad to save some money off their electric bills. Apparently some places (eden palace) actually don't let you lower the lights for the Chuppah. Ladies, I think this calls for a protest.

8) Bridal gowns with non-detachable trains. Someone needs to speak to Kleinfelds. There is no reason why a girl's gown needs to give her such a headache when she's trying to dance. Every bride spends at least 20 minutes surrounded by a team of 20 people trying to figure out what to do with all those ties and buttons that supposedly bustles up the dress. I have yet to see this actually work. What usually happens - that big long train gets tied into one big knot.

9)  Weddings that end too early - I still haven't gotten used to that part of living in NY. Where I'm from, dessert tables are brought out at midnight and if I'm home before one it means I wasn't having a good time.

10) The bar on the wrong side of the Mechitza. Unless a girl is brave enough to cross over, need I say more?

does my voice turn you on?

I hate the whole 'Judaism is sexist' movement - because I really don't think that it is, or rather, that it is meant to be. I was raised and educated to believe that women are equal but different. That women have just as many rights, and way fewer obligations in terms of our religion, which is really just how I like it.
I like that I don't have to get up at 6 in the morning to daven with a minyan. I like that I don't have to wear extra articles of clothing. I like that I get to thank G-d for making me the way I am (I always thought of it as a compliment, thanking Hashem for making us perfect - and something that men don't get to say).

One thing that does kinda get on my nerves is the whole Kol Isha thing. I'm usually a 'na'aseh v'nishma' girl, and while I do 'do' this mitzvah, sometimes I wish this one weren't so serious. I have some friends with truly amazing voices, two who even take professional voice lessons and could definitely get famous or star on Broadway if it weren't for the Kol Isha issues. Sure, they could probably still make it in the 'women's only' section at Eichler's, but I wish they could do a little better with the talent Hashem gave them.

Then there's the whole awkward, what-do-I-do-when-everyone-else-is-singing-zmiros thing on Shabbos. At my house, I've been blessed with a father who sings tunes that no one else ever knows (our family joke is that it's probably because he makes them up as he goes along). And so, I don't really do that much singing at home.

But when I'm at someone else's place, it can get a little confusing. Some people hold by the 'kol isha doesn't count if there are guys singing too' philosophy. Which is totally cool in my books and which is how my MO day school held. But other people are a little more strict about the whole thing. Which I'm cool with too - because really, I don't think my voice is all that delightful. But when the family has a house full of daughters who do get to sing, I kinda feel left out. And sometimes it's hard to tell how a family holds. So if I'm in a house where people expect their female guests to sing - am I being rude if I don't?

Going back to my issues with the issue - I do sort of understand why Kol Isha was invented in the first place. Singing can definitely be sexy. Who knows - maybe the Rabbis of the Talmud predicted just how sexy it would get. (anyone hear Britney's latest explicit single, '3'?) But for every Britney and Madonna, there's a Regina Spektor - who sells tickets based on her voice not on her 'performance' (well, so far at least). Why do  the frum Reginas of the world have to stay quiet?

All I know is this..... my voice = definitely not sexy.

boys who talk to breasts

This post might be a little cliché, but considering that my breasts have been included in conversation at least three times today, I thought that maybe they were also deserving of a write-up.
Yes, I know that you're looking at them.
And yes, I saw you jerk when you saw that I saw you looking. You jerk.
I get it - you're a guy. You can't help yourself. You see a girl with big boobs and your man-instinct goes into overdrive.
(interestingly enough, being married with kids hasn't stopped one of today's men)
Is it my fault if I sometimes have cleavage issues? Maybe I should be more careful about covering up the collarbones, but I just don't look as good in a turtleneck. (and they aren't even in style this season) Maybe subconsciously I like the attention. Maybe I only notice the attention when I'm being self-conscious. Do you also look when I'm wearing a high-necked Kikki-Rikki?
I used to get offended when a guy would comment on my chest (admittedly, I've hung around the wrong type of guys in the past). Maybe I've gotten so used to it, that I just don't care anymore. I actually kind of smile and say thank you. Maybe I should stop that. It only encourages them.

Secular College vs Stern

This is in response to an article written by Rabbi Reuven Spolter over at the Jewish Star blog. He basically argues that sending your child to a secular college endangers his or her orthodoxy.

Wow. Talk about living in a bubble. Talk about a great PR piece for YU. Did they pay for him to write this?

Here's the thing - MO or O kids are only 'in danger' of going 'off the derech' if they're on shaky ground to start with.
That's right - don't start blaming a secular college for your child's troubles. Those troubles start at home.

I go to a secular college. So do or have almost all of my closest friends. We're turning out alright. The ones who are no longer religious often come from homes where the importance of being religious was never properly transmitted.

I think you can tell the difference between someone who went to a secular college versus someone who chose the YU/Stern/Touro route. Having a conversation with someone in Group 2 feels like talking with someone still in high school, who only knows about the world from what Mommy, Daddy and their Morahs have taught them. Because let's face it - YU is basically just an MO high school for older kids. Same people, same cliques, same ideas.

People I know in Group 1 are a far more mature lot. They've been 'exposed' to people of other cultures and opinions. Which is not a bad thing, no matter what your Rebbe has told you. It's good to know about people of different races and religions who are not your cleaning ladies and are not featured on CNN. Socializing with people who are not Jewish and not Orthodox actually strengthened my own identity, my own uniqueness.

I remember having my 'aha' moment in freshman year. I realized that virtually everyone I met 'belonged' to some kind of group, to a community - whether it be the Asian Club or Robotics or the Honors Society. And as much as I maybe would have liked to belong to one of those groups - ok, maybe definitely not Robotics - I never would have fit in. Besides the fact that I could never pass for Korean, lots of those groups had meetings on Shabbos. Which, in a way, is something I'm grateful for. Because it let me realize which group I did belong to.

the serial engager

A friend of mine is engaged.
I usually end sentences like that with an exclamation mark.
I really would like to in this case.
But I'm just not sure that this situation merits that type of punctuation.
Thank the Good L-rd that she's one of the few who does not read MM.
Because I really don't think she'd want to read what I'm about to write.

Here's the thing -
She's engaged to a Serial Engager.
I know him from around town, my hometown. I've never actually had a convo with him. He once asked to be set up with me. I firmly declined that offer. There was no way I was going to be Fiance #5 on his list.
That's right - he's been engaged before.
About three or four times - that I know of.

How does he do it? At first glance, he is definitely not what you would expect of a Serial Engager.
He's not exactly attractive, somewhat short, somewhat balding, somewhat scrawny.
I know what you're thinking - but no, he's not rich.
Really a nothing-special guy.
Personality-wise, from what I hear, he's about a 4, no scratch that - a 2.

So how has he managed to get all these chicks to fall for him - or should I say 'stumble' because he hasn't actually managed to get any of them under the Chuppah - yet.
I know one or two of his fiances. These aren't homely dumb-ass girls who are desperate to get married.
Or are they?

Mazel Tov!!!

My fave fan, The Babysitter, is engaged!!!

Congrats M&S!!!

Am I invited to the wedding???

how to know if you're on a date

Have you ever been out with someone when you weren't sure what to make of it all?
I'm convinced that if there was one reason why girls and guys aren't meant to be 'just friends' - this is it.
When you're out with a bunch of people, it's cool - you know where you stand with the fellas you're with. You're in the 'friend zone'.
But what if its just you+him?
Did I mention that he's not gay? (that would make things SO much simpler)
How do you know that your little one-on-one is not something more?
If you're the only one he asked out - is that a date?
If he opens your car door for you - is that a date?
If he pays for your dinner - is that a date?
I wish I knew the answer to these questions...
Sometimes I think guys like keeping you questioning - it gives them an opt out if it turns out that you're just not that into him.