Monday, September 21, 2015

Care.com is the new Jdate

I pretty much just said it all with that heading.

For the last couple of weeks, I've been looking for a new nanny to take care of my mini maidels. Yup - I've had a couple of those since we last 'spoke'. Hard to believe that MM is a mommy right? And no, my minis will NEVER, ever, ever get to read MM.....

So anyhow, I've pretty much exhausted all my usual channels of nanny searching - ie posting 10 times a day on facebook, chatting up the ladies at the park, etc. I think I was starting to piss some people off with that.... (is it really my fault if I pay more per hour than you....can you really 'steal' a nanny? Pretty sure the Civil War answered that question....)

One of my friends told me she found her 'amazing' babysitter online at Care.com and so off I went to make my own profile on the site.

Boy did that bring back memories - circa 2008 when I was single and looking...

I remember scrolling through profiles of single guys thinking 'Nebach - If only some of these poor Jewish boys had someone to edit their paragraphs and take a flattering picture....'. Ok so maybe 'Nebach' probably wasn't in my thought vocab at that time. But honestly, someone could probably make a profession out of helping guys navigate the online dating world. (a lightbulb just went off in this heavily peroxided brain). I remember complaining with my friends about how there was 'nothing to choose from' online.

But you know what? Compared to what's out there on Care.com, those Jewish dating sites had gold.

Looking through profiles on Care.com, I feel like I'm casting for Orange is the New Black. Where do these women come from? Riker's? Alcatraz? Teresa Giudice's new place?

In some of the mugshots photos, you've got women scowling, seriously scowling. Like that pissed off, 'just smelled a fart' look. "Let's hire that lady who looks like she could murder us in our sleep", said no parents ever.

Other women have obviously just joined this site after being on AshleyMadison because they're showing so much skin they must be desperate for a sugar daddy, whether or not he has kids that need care.

And I get that women looking to be hired as domestic help don't normally have degrees in English lit, but couldn't they at least find some public elementary school kid to write up a semi-legible paragraph?

Remember how you and your other single friends would scope out profiles on SawYouAtSinai and you'd ask 'Do you think he looks normal? Do you think he's really a nerd?'.

Now fast forward five years and the questions have become 'Do you think she looks like a molester? Do you think she'd be abusive?' I wish I was kidding.

Alright, I gotta stop being so negative. Especially right before Yom Kippur! I thought all was hopeless when I was on those dating sites and yet I managed to find my beshert (ok, not online, but whatevs). Maybe I'll find my Mary Poppins soon too. Maybe she'll be on Jdate...






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