Monday, January 19, 2009

is it ok to be on the phone?

At dinner, my friends and I we were discussing what happened to Ruthie, which I told you about in this post.
Obviously we were all in accordance that this guy was a major el creepo - and by the way, the details I mentioned in that post were actually toned down!
But we did find it interesting that while it was important to Mr. Nasty to wait until marriage... (maybe that's why he's soo repressed at his age) he thought it ok to engage in phone sex.
Wow. I can't believe I'm actually devoting a post to this.
But it is kind of interesting.... (and not exactly covered in Calm Kallahs - or is it?)
I mean - technically there is zero touching (well... mutual touching) involved.
You could argue that it's not exactly the most tznius thing to do.
And there's that whole 'Crime of Onan' issue...
But for a couple that's taking the shomer route...
Is it ok?

(btw - my cheeks are bright pink right now! i am no nameless/faceless)

13 comments:

Child Ish Behavior said...

You do realize that this is why the Rabbis ban cell phones? They make up others, but this is the main reason.

Anonymous said...

Because one can't do it on a land line?

Shorty said...

I think its a) not appropriate if you aren't married. and b) can potentiallly lead to "other things".

Once someone can justify it "on the phone", then they can start justifying other "questionable" behavior. Would it still be ok "on the phone" with people other than your partner after you're married?
Its only "phone" right?

or how about over the www?

Is email ok for it?

I think if one is asking the question - the answer is definitely no, it isn't appropriate. otherwise, there would be not doubt.

Anonymous said...

i don't see how you get around the fact that a guy is not allowed to masturbate to completion.

nameless, faceless said...

This is fantastic! MM, how did you know I've been meaning to write about this for a while? I have so much to say that I can barely contain myself, but here's the main ideas:

1. If you absolutely cannot contain yourselves - if it is phone sex with your SO versus accosting your neighbor - it's the lesser of two evils because you're technically not having body-to-body contact.
2. Ah, not so fast! For the second one, you'll have to visit my blog!

Muah-ha-ha-ha!

Dovy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Not Another One said...

Does it really work for anyone?

In my experience it only works for someone you've been intimate in the past, becuase you're kind of reliving past experiences...

frum single female said...

i dont think that this is what shmuely boteach was referring to in his book kosher sex.

Moshe said...

Phone sex? That's so 90s. Here's a better topic, cyber sex, with webcams.

Maidel said...

ummm moshe - i dont know that i want to hear about that from a married man...

Moshe said...

lol

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

I think its not okay...

Also 2 reasons:
1- because of what anonymous 8:04 said.

2- because there's also a thing about "lo marba devorim im ha isha" that you can't have many words with a woman. So one meaning of that is that you can't talk inappropriate stuff with a woman. One of the things included in that, would be even with spouses. That if a wife went to the mikvah, she can't come home and tell her husband "guess who I saw at the mikvah, I saw so and so". Same with if you answer the phone and someone asks for your mother, and she's in the shower at that time, you can't say "she's in the shower" cause then it will cause the person to have visual thoughts about her like that, which isn't good.

Anonymous said...

Sooo not ok, but that didn't stop my now-husband and I from doing it about week before we got married. ;)

And we were both virgins, never touched a boy/girl before, regular frum kids, etc.

What can I say? Late night conversation, sexual tension....you know how it is.