Sunday, January 25, 2009

and who are you?

I know for a fact that this happens to every unmarried girl at a Frummie wedding.
An older woman comes up to you and asks, "What's your name?.
And of course, they don't mean your first name. They want to know who you belong to. So they can know everything about you in two minutes when they realize that you're so and so's daughter. So they can later bring you up as a suggestion to a single guy's mother. Or maybe so that they can feel like they know everyone in the Jewish world. Knowledge is power when you're a yenta!
I get this a lot - maybe it's because my parents are pretty well known where I'm from, and apparently I look EXACTLY like my mother (or my father when I'm with him, so either they're trying to make conversation - badly, or maybe I just look like ME!). I get stopped not only at weddings, but also at the bakery, at the supermarket, and one time at the library which was THE weirdest experience, because this woman literally went all the way over to where I was sitting in the study area and asked me if I was Mr. M's daughter.
I don't mind someone finding out who I am (except of course my readers!). It's the 20 questions that gets to me.
I remember flying to Israel once and for the first few hours, this frum woman (who also knows my parents, but apparently not as well as she wanted to) practically interviewed me about every detail of my life.
"What does your mother do, how old are you, what are you studying, how many siblings do you have, how old are they, what are they doing, why are you going to Israel, does your mother wear a sheitel, how's your uncle doing, what high school did you go to, where did your family go for pesach, where does your father daven".... and on and on...
I think that was the interview that broke me.
When I got off the plane, I was upset with myself that this complete stranger had been able to get all of this information from me, and I barely knew a thing about her.
So the next time I went to a frummie wedding, a woman came up to me and started asking me my name.
"My name is Mara Manischewitz", I told her.
"Oh, you're Mr. Manischewitz's daughter?", she asked.
"Yes, that's my dad!", I said.
"And how old are you?", she asked.
"21", I answered.
And then I said, "And what's your name?".
I think I was probably the first single girl to ever dare ask an older frum woman such a question.
I would've asked how old she was, but I had better manners than that.


Something Different said...


Mikeinmidwood said...

When jewish geography goes to far.

G6 said...

Good for you!

Implodium said...

Haha, I have resorted to similar shtick at weddings. I think of it impolite of them to ask us personal questions without having introduced themselves properly, nor knowing us well enough to judge us. So all is fair in this game. >:D

4ron said...

I do my female friends a simple favor, I go to the other side of the mechitzah and sit down with them for a while and then miraculously they don't get asked "and who are you?"

comfortablynumb said...

In case it makes you feel any better it happens to guys also( maybe not as much).To entertain myself I usually make things up it can get confusing but its definitely more fun

Moshe said...

So why did you tell that woman about yourself if you didn't want to. I would've just said "None of your business." Especially with questions like "does your mother wear a sheitel?" "Does yours?"

Print business cards with your FB profile link and linkedin link on it and give them out.

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

lol, good thing you didn't ask her age.

I remember reading by bad4 about these ladies at weddings that come over to you and ask questions. So far I've never seen such ladies "in black" who do that.

Although I've been asked questions sometimes, but I don't mind it. I usually ask questions back and its fun. Its actually funny, there's this lady who wanted to suggest a shidduch a while ago, but I was too young back then, so we said no, she was actually suggesting her own son. Then recently I saw her and she reminded me of who she was, and she was actually going to the same college as me, she was going to continue for her masters, and she was in her 40's or 50's already. So it was funny, that even though we were so far apart in age, I felt as though she was an equal, since we had college in common. We both had finals the same time, and we just talked about college. Then she would talk about her family and stuff, and I would listen as though I was her friend, it was weird.