jewish mothers

"What are you doing tonight, MM?", asked my mother last Motzei Shabbos.

"Just staying in, maybe I'll go rent a movie with friends", I responded.

"Mrs. X-berg told me about this party for young people tonight".

"Ya mom, I know about that."

"And, so, nu? Why aren't going? You could meet someone there."

***

For some reason, my mom and I keep having this same conversation over and over, with only the details about the party, and who she's heard about it from, being changed. My mom knows a lot about the out-of-town-scene for a woman who goes to bed at 11.

I have friends with moms just like mine.

Moms who get excited when we go for Shabbat dinners or Shabbatons or Parties - because we could "meet" someone.

It's not that I'm antisocial. I may write a blog, but I enjoy other forms of human interaction and communication quite frequently. Wow - that was a nerdy sentence. (I promise, I was not in band nor did I spend time in the library during recess in high school. And I hate math.)

But there are nights when my friends and I are just not in the mood to party. Having a casual sleepover is sometimes a lot more fun. (I know what you boys are thinking right now. Stop.)

Of course, I really shouldn't complain. My mom's the best. And she wants the best for me. And she can't help being a little pushy sometimes - it's part of being a jewish mother after all. And one day, I'm going to be just like her. Oy vey.

happy halloween?

Is it wrong that I wish I could get dressed up and eat candy tomorrow?

I've never actually gone trick-or-treating, nor does the idea appeal to me - do I seem the type to go knocking on weirdos' doors and begging for chocolate? I dont think so. Jewish girls buy their own candy! (with Daddy's credit card, of course!)

At my ModOrth elementary school, where the school pretended to be frummer than the students actually were, they would send out letters about how Halloween was against the Torah, hoping to dissuade some of the kids from celebrating. My Bais Yacov friends said they never got those kinds of letters for some reason...

I remember walking into College one day and seeing a bunch of guys dressed up as girls. I thought they were part of some frat, until I realized it was October 31st! Halloween's just never really been part of my frum girl radar.

But then some people at work were talking about dressing up on Friday. I obviously encouraged this - who doesn't want to see their boss looking like a nut?

And, of course - I'm a girl! I LOVE dressing up! (I still pretend my comforter is a Cinderella gown when I'm home alone! .....maybe I shouldn't have said that out loud....) Seriously, I'm still mad at my parents for not getting me a costume treasure chest like the kind my best friend had in 1st grade.

So why can't I dress up tomorrow? Or can I?

Can I at least eat some of the mini-reese's pieces and candy corn in the breakroom? (Jews only seem to like halloween the day after, when all of that stuff is half-price!)

One of my coworkers asked me why I couldn't celebrate. "Isn't it just like Independance day?", she asked. I explained to her how it really is a pagan holiday that has somewhat lost its religious meaning. "Just like christmas", she responded.

A wise woman, aka my mom, once told me that halloween goes against Jewish values. Judaism teaches us to give. Halloween teaches children to take.

I'd rather be a giver than a taker.

But I still might take some M&Ms.

1,000 hits in less than a month... almost

Cmon people! Keep reading!

Tell your friends about the site!

Beg your mothers to learn about the internet!

MM have only a few more hits to go before we reach 7,000 hits!

That means that there were almost 1,000 hits in less than a month!

So, let's get moving people - only a few days of October left to go!

read this

PLEASE read this:

http://badforshidduchim.wordpress.com/2008/10/29/the-price-of-being-marriageable/

I liked the article so much, I even commented! (all this, even though I rarely have time to read other blogs! But this one is good!)

MM needs a makeover

MM is due for a makeover.

It's been a while since she's touched up her roots,

and they're starting to show.

Any ideas for MM's new look?

PS - Like the diamonds? Or do you prefer the hot pink?

dating games

why does dating have to be so much of a game?

why can't a guy just tell a girl he likes her, then have her tell him she likes him - and presto! married!

why do we complicate everything with trying to read minds and hints and asking friends to help assess the situation? why does a situation have to be assessed?

a guy friend asked me if he should approach a girl in shul he thought was cute. at first i was like, "ya, for sure - be a man!". and then i thought about it - girls want guys to take initiative, but when they do, we often get freaked out. why is that? are we the ones who initiate the game? but of course, often the ball's in the guy's court.

dating a profile

MM is getting older. Not too old. But old enough to realize that it might be time soon to take the whole dating thing a whole lot more serious.

So I decided, as many of my friends have, to post my profile on Saw You At Sinai. I wouldn't do the Jdate or Frumster thing - you know how I like my anonymity! (do I really want every dude in shul to know I'm getting old?). And the real-life shadchan thing hasn't really been working for me lately - after all, it's not like there are that many shadchans outside the Lakewood world anyhow.

So what's a frum mod-orth girl to do?

So I've been on the site for about a month now. Don't worry - I didn't use the fake barbie pic! I gave all of my real non-MM info - except for one thing. I put my home address as being in New York.

Why? Well... when I gave my real address, which happens to not be anywhere close to New York (beyond the Tri-State!), the only matches I received were guys I already knew and/or dated - awkward!

So after about two weeks, I switched my address to that of a friend's in the UWS (upper west side folks). Instantly, the matches started flooding in. Over the past two weeks I received 7 matches, 5 of whom have already 'accepted' me. (see www.sawyouatsinai.com for details about how the site works). I wish I was exaggerating. I am not.

I haven't accepted any of these guys yet though. It's just that they all seem so nerdy.... Ok, ok, I know - don't judge a book by its cover, nerds control the world, you can't tell enough about a person from just a picture, blah blah blah. And I guess having a blog makes me somewhat of a nerd... (another reason why it's time to say goodbye to MM)

Then I started getting worried - what type of guys actually go on these sites??? Would an average, nice, normal, ok-looking, young professional need to use a dating site? But then I think, well I'm on here, aren't I?

Ok, so even if I get past the Jewish Boy-looks of these Jewish Boys who have agreed to take me out- what am I to tell them when they start calling? "Sorry I lied in my profile"? I hope no one takes it as a prelude to what marriage to me will be like... (you know, "sorry I lied about my job", "sorry I lied about my hair color", then it becomes "sorry I lied about sleeping with your best friend" - slippery slope!)

Ok people - give me answers!!!!

be my friend

Mara Manischewitz is pretty lonely.
She only has 23 friends on facebook. Yup, only 23.
So.... will you be my friend?

abortion shmortion

A friend of mine said that she's not supporting McCain because of his anti-abortion stance.

I guess it's good to pick a candidate based on his views - rather than on his charm or looks or drinking-buddy persona. If this was a beauty pageant, we all know who would win hands down. (Sarah Palin already has a history of coming in second).

But do I really care what these people think about abortion? Do I really even care about abortion at all?

It's not like I'm at an age where I'm worried about my boyfriend getting me knocked up.

I don't know whether or not the Torah totally or partially forbids abortion - but regardless, should that even affect someone's choice of President?

The way I see it, both parties are pro-death! One's pro-guns, the other's pro-abortion. Interesting that it's not the same party that's pro-both.

i f***ing can't stop swearing

I know it's not the way a proper bas yisroel is meant to speak, but for some reason I just can't stop swearing.

Whenever I stub my toe, or get cut off in traffic, or get annoyed with a waiter, the foul language just comes out.

Should I blame it on my boss or the other men at my office who are always shouting on the phone? (at their wives or at their clients, I'm not too sure) Should I blame it on too much Entourage? (you know I'm not about to quit that - but have you noticed that even the word 'b*tch' can be heard on daytime tv? have I mentioned that before?) Or just society in general?

The worst is when I'm with a young niece or nephew. Or with a friend's parent. I don't care so much when I'm on a date. (if he's marrying me, he's marrying everything i come with, right?)

Sometimes it's hard to stop a word from coming out, especially when it's being said almost unconsciously as a reflex reaction.

In high school, I was that annoying girl who would remind her friends not to use a bad word when they did. That included "shut up" and "shit". I hate that girl now.

people are racist

My asian co-worker said she hopes Obama doesn't win because she doesn't think a black guy should be President. Not because she's racist, but because she thinks black people are racist against everyone else.

How many times have you been asked by a non-hebrew fellow human whether your parents would care if you brought home a Kanye West wannabe?

I always respond that as long as he's part of the tribe, then he can vibe. (ok, ok, I tried to be cutesy, it didnt work. keep reading)

But truth is, I think my parents would probably care a great deal. Not because of color - they're not racist, G-d forbid! But if a boy's momma doesn't serve gefilte, then he ain't coming to my house.

shiksas are for practice

I'm sure you've seen the shirt.

If not, you've definitely heard the slogan, right?

For some reason, some boychiks like to think that they can sleep around with asian and lebanese girls without risking a spot in olam habah.

One boychik in particular let me know how he subscribes to this particular philosophy, if only because of how hard it is to totally abstain once he's opened Pandora's box.

I kinda get what he's doing - people have urges.

But what happens when he eventually meets the one Jewish girl he decides to marry? This boychik thinks that some major tshuva will go down under the chuppah. Suddenly halachos in this department will be easy as pie, right?

And does his bride get to know all about his past escapades?

And what if the roles were reversed?

Would she be as easily tshuva-fied?

never been kissed?

Maybe it's just me.

But lately I've been getting a few questions thrown my way about the extent of my experience with the opposite sex. And it's always Jewish boys asking these kinds of questions.

I never know how to answer in these situations.

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS" is probably a good response - but I was raised to have manners, even if these guys weren't.

I would think of a funny sarcastic reply if I could figure out how to do it without giving anything away.

Would it be more shocking if I said I've never been kissed? Or would it be more shocking if I said I can't wear white to my wedding?

Or are guys asking because they can't figure me out?

And do I even want to be figured out?

So why do these boys ask?

Don't they know a girl doesn't kiss and tell? (and maybe she doesn't even kiss at all...)

simchas torah same'ach!

hope you and your loved ones have a very happy Sukkos, Hoshana Rabah and Simchas Torah!

& don't do anything I wouldn't do.... ;)

uws brothel?

I have a friend, Yehudis, who's going to be in NYC for Simchas Torah.

She was going to go party in the UWS until one guy told her not to.

Why? Apparently the place is like a "brothel" - yup direct quote from said guy.

The guy, who happens to be a shtark YU type, told her this story about how he was there one time for the holiday, having dinner with his friend and a bunch of people he had just met. One of the girls probably drank a little too much wine, and decided that she was feeling especially touchy-feely that evening. And this guy happened to be sitting right next to her, when all of a sudden he feels her hands on his thighs underneath the table. (Pretty shocking for a shtark YU type!)

I happen to have a few friends on the UWS, none of whom are that girl, and none of whom would do what that girl did - as far as I know!

So why the bad rap?

anything wrong with being plastic?

Like every other Jewish girl, I decided to go for a nose job consultation.

There's a plastic surgeon's office in the building where I worked this summer and every time I passed it, it looked so gorgeous and inviting - all white marble floors, chiffon curtains, gorgeous hot pink faux Louis couches, like straight out of the Cribs or a magazine. Not like any other medical office I've ever been to.

And like every other Jewish girl, I'm a little self-conscious about my nose. It's not that I have a horrible bump or a huge beak, and my friends think I'm nuts when it comes to this, but I do think my tip could be a little more refined.

So I decided to make an appointment for a consult with Dr. P., apparently so renowned in my city for his work that they've named what many Jewish girls now have - the "Dr. P nose".

I didn't end up going through with the procedure - although the Doc said he could see my 'problem' and that it would take less than a week to heal - because a) my parents thought i was insane for even going for the consult and b)if my parents aren't paying, then I certainly can't afford to pay the 10G + taxes fee.

So while I never went through with it, it still kind of sits in the back of my mind - 'someday', i think to myself, 'maybe when they've perfected the procedure and no one comes out looking like Pam Anderson ever again' and 'maybe when I marry some rich octogenarian billionaire' then I'll get some work done.

But then I have my conscience, or is it my mom's voice in my head, telling me that tampering with G-d's work is WRONG, wrong, wrong.

Is it wrong to get work done? I've heard some Rabbis say that it could be, because you are putting yourself in an unnecessarily risky situation (didn't you hear what happened to Kanye's mom???). Some Rabbis say it's ok if you need it for psychological reasons (like if you were to find that your big nose drives you crazy - literally!).

And then there's that whole deal where once you start, it's hard to stop! (it def is hard to get a refined nose tip right! you don't turn into wacko jacko overnight!)

so it looks like i'm prob not getting a nosejob anytime soon.

but botox when I'm 70 is definitely in the cards!

the great tv divide

a friend of mine suggested a guy to me. when i asked how frum he was she said, "oh you know, like you, but he doesn't watch tv - he doesn't want a tv in his house. "

i must've been wearing stockings that day for this friend to suggest this guy to me.

but why does the watching and owning of a television set cause such a divide in the frum world?

granted, i dont exactly think that tv is conducive to the best social values - have you noticed that words like "b*tch" and "sh*t" may now be heard on even daytime programming?

but surely owning a tv doesn't define one's character - does it? (anymore than my owning a telephone? imagine if super-frum people didn't own telephones - because you never know who your daughters could be calling!)

and what about the fact that i own a tv does not mean that i spend 100% of my free time sitting in front of it.

or what about the fact that most frummies hide their tvs inside of closets or in basements? (you know they all do! where else would u watch chassunah videos???)

truth is - if someone makes a choice not to watch tv or movies - i can respect that. but i'm not sure i want to be dragged into that kind of insular world.....

"im tryin to be intellectual"

don't miss that line at the end!

sukkos sukkos sukkot

yay!!! One of my fave holidays is coming up!

As one of my friends said, Sukkos is like camping for Jewish people! You get to pretend you're out in the wild while you're really just outside of your comfy house! (bathroom included)

To get myself in the holiday spirit (how NOT jewish does that sound), I read this interesting article on Aish (ok, ok, i know they're all about the brainwash - but they do good things too). http://www.aish.com/spirituality/odysseys/Invincible.asp

The article is about the current financial crisis and what Sukkos teaches us about it. Sukkos is about leaving the comforts of your home - recognizing that the physical and material things we have are not what actually protects us and keeps us safe. There may be a financial "crisis" but maybe this is a chance for some of us to realize that money is not everything, that it is not what life is really about. Witnessing a stock market crash is like being in a sukkah - where you really feel that you are in Hashem's hands.

(did I really just make that comparison?)

ok, so may you have a very happpppy Sukkos/Succoth/Sukkot/Feast of Booths/Feast of Tabernacles - whatever you call it! May your sukkah be full of warmth, happy guests, good food, and few bees!

(ps - if you have any russian friends, don't ask them about their sukkas - they will beat you up)

how we treat the animals we eat

wow, i just wrote a post about this topic (http://materialmaidel.blogspot.com/2008/10/chicken.html) and now Oprah's covering the issue too! (maybe she secretly reads MM!) If anyone manages to catch the show, let me know!

fast manicures

My co-worker, Lauren, was getting a manicure over lunch yesterday (yom kippur). She approached me today and asked me whether getting a manicure was 'ok' for good Jew on the Holy Day. I told her it wasn't exactly the best thing to be doing... She told suspected as much... Apparently when she was getting her nails done, a nice Jewish lady was sitting next to her complaining about being thirsty. This woman was fasting while paying for a mani/pedi.

But then... I pretty much slept throughout the day. Is that any more yomtovdik?

controversy over kol nidre?

I wish I had seen this article before Yom Kippur!

It was published on Slate.com, by Michael Weiss, and it's titled "The Anti-Semite's Favorite Jewish Prayer: The centuries-long controversy over Yom Kippur's Kol Nidre".

Here is the link: http://www.slate.com/id/2201628/pagenum/all/#page_start

Do people just enjoy making controversy when it gets a little quiet out in the world?

Apparently, they don't recite Kol Nidre in some synagogues (see article for more info).

But I remember a high school morah once teaching us that Kol Nidre isn't as important and essential to Yom Kippur as most people think.

Whatever the case, I think I've got a solution to the Kol Nidre problem. Don't make promises in the first place!

have a meaningful fast

My dear friend Maya came up with this term and I thought it sounded so much better than "easy".

After all, surely we may all agree that Yom Kippur is a day of seriousness, reflection and meaning. There is nothing easy about it.

As I mentioned in a comment on Frum Satire's site, during the Yamim Noraim I often find myself glancing over to the English side of my artscroll siddur (or is it nusach ari? chabad? but who's keeping track - they are all directed to Hashem). If you've never done this, I highly suggest it - unless your Hebrew is flawless, it is nice to really understand the words as you say them. You realise how perfectly the siddur was put together. How beautifully the words fit.

I sometimes put in my own words to Hashem, have my own little discussion going.

So I wish you all a Gmar Chatima Tovah. May you and your families be inscribed in the Book of Life. May you only know good things for this year and many years to come. May all of your needs and wishes be fulfilled properly and in the right time.

And of course, have a meaningful fast.

chicken

Of all the jewish traditions, the one i personally find the most bizarre is the one where we take a live chicken or fish and circle our heads with it a bunch of times before Yom Kippur. Cmon, you think it's weird too right? (you could chicken out and use dollar bills, but it just doesn't have the same flavor)

I'm sure there are a lot of good Kabbalistic reasons for why we do this ritual. But I'm a city girl! Animals just aren't my thing (cute shitzus notwithstanding). I hate the smell of horses, I never kill spiders, and I even hate the zoo. Seriously - I still haven't figured out the popularity of the Discovery Channel - it's not like their shows even win any Emmys!

But even though I hate animals (ok, maybe hate is a strong word - let's just say I don't want to be near them), I still don't want them to suffer. If there is anything I hate worse than going to the farm, it's knowing that animals are mistreated. Oh, and fur coats. (disgusting AND tacky!)

I'm not a member of PETA, and I'm not a vegan (ok, I wish I was a vegan, but I like sushi and chopped liver and apparently those things aren't part of a vegan diet). But it would be nice to know that the animal on my plate had a nice life.

They say that we are what we eat. What if the reason society is so messed up right now is because the animals we eat are messed up? That's not cool.

This girl I know has a husband. Her husband started this business. It's called Kosher Conscience. Go to http://www.kosherconscience.com/ (altho I wish their site was prettier - like mine). I think it's a pretty nifty idea. Yes, nifty. According to her husband, and his business, kosher is about more than just how an animal is slaughtered (ugh I dont like that word, but killed or put to death are equally gross). Shouldn't kosher also be about how an animal lived???

I'm not saying we have to start extending Paris Hilton's line of pooch wear to our farm friends (http://www.glamourdog.com/paris-hilton-dog-clothes.html), but it would be nice to know that the buffalo wings on my plate were given a chance to fly.

Outrage

Firstly, thank you to Baylee for bringing the following story to my attention. Baylee felt that not enough attention was being brought to this story, so here I am, doing my bit.

Apparently, a Satmar man living in Monsey was arrested by the FBI for allegedly molesting his daughter from the time she was 9 years old until she was about 18.

Full details of the story can be found on Hamercaz News: http://hamercaz.com/hamercaz/site/news_item.php?id=1606

VosIzNeias has some more information (including court documents!): http://www.vosizneias.com/21115/2008/10/06/monsey-ny-rabbi-arrested-for-sexual-assault-of-minor/

Obviously, this is an outrage. How could a man, supposedly living stringently in accordance with Torah and Halachah, do such a thing?! How could a man do such a horrible thing to their own child?

amazing

I haven't really been watching Dancing with the Stars this season, but I came upon this clip on YouTube and it's amazing. It's a special performance featuring Carmit Bachar (the Israeli PussyCat doll) and that girl from the movie Step Up.

It's insane.

How good is the music too?

The song is called Black and Gold by Sam Sparro. His Myspace link is : http://www.myspace.com/samsparro

And here is his music video:

i hate to get political, but this is seriously funny

kosher chippendales?

My ghetto co-worker was talking about how she's so excited for me to get married. You might find that weird, being that she isn't my mother and all.

The reason she wants me to get married is so she can plan my bachelorette party. You know, the crazy wild party these people have a week before the wedding? (It's not that I'm belittling your intelligence with this definition, but apparently Chasids, oh excuse me, Chassidim, read my blog)

So anyhow, apparently she wants to get me out of my "prude" shell (apparently I don't show enough cleavage for her taste) - she thinks it would be fun to make me wear ridiculous outfits printed with male body parts and have me drink ridiculous amounts of alcohol and take me to one of her favorite hangouts - a male stripclub.

Ohhh yes - a male stripclub. (dear Chassidim, please stop reading now).

When she made the suggestion to me, I must have made a face. Because then she asked me whether I was "allowed" to go to stripclubs.

I wasn't sure what to say. Am I allowed? Are male stripclubs kosher?

Oh who cares - honestly, even if they were under Badatz supervision, I'm not sure I would want to step a foot in the door.

btw - I think I've decided she won't be invited to the party.

a nice beige world

Someone asked my 'mixed' friend if she would only date sephardi boys. She said that being 'mixed', she feels comfortable in both 'cultures'.

thought of the day:

I bet in a few generations (probably sooner rather than later) there won't be any distinction between Sephardi and Ashki Jews - we'll all just be a nice shade of beige.

the accent

i was in london last week and fell in love.

ok, i didn't literally fall in love with any specific person.

but i did fall in love with the accent.

anyone else here feel the same way?

i dont care what he looks like, how bad his teeth are, how scrawny is - if he sounds like prince william then give me a tiara!

crazy shoes

Ever notice that all the shoes stores in Boro Park carry the exact same merch? The shoes there are always black or brown, pretty sturdy looking, with a heel no more than 2 inches off the ground.

How about this shoe (see picture at left) to revitalize the market?

Designed by Aminaka Wilmont, these shoes are sure to impress your potential machatunim!

Made from old tefillin straps, this shoe is 100% kosher leather (but recycled leather - so sure not to offend the vegans out there)!

May be worn as shown or with bullet-proof tights of your choice (or per the choice of your rabbinic authority).

And don't worry about the lack of sole - that's where your good neshamaleh comes in handy!

the trouble with being MM

i'm thinking MM needs a finale.

OK, before you start gasping for breath, clutching your heart, fainting on me - please hear me out!

It's getting harder to keep MM going.

If you're a blogger too, maybe you can sympathize.

Sometimes as I go through life now, I start mentally thinking about how I will capture my experiences for my blog audience. I think about how I will word and describe people and things and events. Instead of living in the moment, I end up living for my blog! (lol, ok maybe I'm being a little melodramatic, but hear me out!)

It's also getting harder because it feels like more people have figured out who this girl behind MM is. And it gets hard writing stories when you're worried that people will figure out it's about them! (boys especially - e.g. the Rollercoaster date)

And I hate not telling my friends a funny story because they've probably already read about it online! (maybe that's how they've figured out the connection.... MM and this girl do share a lot of stories in common....)

So should I keep going? Or maybe just learn to keep the personal private? There is a fine line between MM and the real me....

;)

parking with boys

The way I knew it when I was growing up, "parking" with a boy meant that the two of you were sitting in his dad's car overlooking some lookout point, doing things you wouldn't dream telling your parents about.

But, today, I learned that "parking" with a boy has a whole other connotation in the Chassidish world.

My friend Shaindy and I were driving over to our favorite shopping destination when we saw two Chassids, a guy with a beard and a girl who looked like she was still in high school, walking around the parking lot.

"I wonder what they're up to....", I asked Shaindy. She knows a lot more about the khaki tights world than I do.

"Well, obviously - they're on a date Material Maidel!", she replied.

Now, I've heard of sit-ins. But park-ins are a whole new frontier.

In case you've been living in a ModOrth bubble, a sit-in is where a Chassidish bochur goes over to a girl's home and they spend 30 minutes deciding whether they're willing to spend the rest of their lives together. (a Chassidish girl I know explained the process to me, and apparently the parents wait in the kitchen for hand signals from the girl to know when to interrupt)

A park-in, from what I just learned, is where the two sets of parents drive their single children over to a mall parking lot, let the singles hop out of their respective minivans for a few minutes and go on their "date".

It sounds pretty romantic.

guess who's back, back again

Looks like I'm back on Facebook!

Unfortunately, MM can't get her own profile page,

but she does have a fan page you can join.

But don't worry - you can still be my friend!

Just search for "Mara Manischewitz" and add me!