Monday, October 27, 2008

dating a profile

MM is getting older. Not too old. But old enough to realize that it might be time soon to take the whole dating thing a whole lot more serious.

So I decided, as many of my friends have, to post my profile on Saw You At Sinai. I wouldn't do the Jdate or Frumster thing - you know how I like my anonymity! (do I really want every dude in shul to know I'm getting old?). And the real-life shadchan thing hasn't really been working for me lately - after all, it's not like there are that many shadchans outside the Lakewood world anyhow.

So what's a frum mod-orth girl to do?
So I've been on the site for about a month now. Don't worry - I didn't use the fake barbie pic! I gave all of my real non-MM info - except for one thing. I put my home address as being in New York.
Why? Well... when I gave my real address, which happens to not be anywhere close to New York (beyond the Tri-State!), the only matches I received were guys I already knew and/or dated - awkward!
So after about two weeks, I switched my address to that of a friend's in the UWS (upper west side folks). Instantly, the matches started flooding in. Over the past two weeks I received 7 matches, 5 of whom have already 'accepted' me. (see www.sawyouatsinai.com for details about how the site works). I wish I was exaggerating. I am not.
I haven't accepted any of these guys yet though. It's just that they all seem so nerdy.... Ok, ok, I know - don't judge a book by its cover, nerds control the world, you can't tell enough about a person from just a picture, blah blah blah. And I guess having a blog makes me somewhat of a nerd... (another reason why it's time to say goodbye to MM)
Then I started getting worried - what type of guys actually go on these sites??? Would an average, nice, normal, ok-looking, young professional need to use a dating site? But then I think, well I'm on here, aren't I?
Ok, so even if I get past the Jewish Boy-looks of these Jewish Boys who have agreed to take me out- what am I to tell them when they start calling? "Sorry I lied in my profile"? I hope no one takes it as a prelude to what marriage to me will be like... (you know, "sorry I lied about my job", "sorry I lied about my hair color", then it becomes "sorry I lied about sleeping with your best friend" - slippery slope!)
Ok people - give me answers!!!!

14 comments:

Jessica said...

I'm not completely sure how the site works (though my brother-in-law and sister-in-law are matchmakers on the site), but maybe you could keep your actual location with a note saying you'd be willing to travel to NY for dates(?). As for online dating, I'm all for it. My husband and I met on futuresimchas.com and have been married for over a year with a baby on the way! Good luck with your search and don't let the "dorky Jewish boy look" throw you off. You could be missing out on a lot of great guys if you base your decision to date them on a picture.

Jessica said...

Oh, and I forgot to add about the dorkiness factor... you can always dress them the way you want after you're married -- just ask my husband, lol.

frum single female said...

i agree with jessica. i think its better to say that you are willing to travel to ny to date and leave your actual location what it is.

EsPes said...

agree with above... i dont think its so good to start off lying.

Don't give up hope! said...

It's not a good idea to start off lying.
But... I also think any fair minded guy when explained as why you used this address would understand. If he gets pissed off at this then....
So don't worry focus on the more important things and you'll be well off.
Just my thoughts....

EsPes said...

i was thinking abt putting my self on syas because my neighbor is a shadchan on it and is obsessed... would u recommend it? is it a good site?

Don't give up hope! said...

In response to espes.
I have some friends that found their match there. The all spoke highly about their experience at syas.
Hope this helps....

Don't give up hope! said...

"And I guess having a blog makes me somewhat of a nerd"
Why does it make you a nerd...
If you could please explain that to me....
Just mention on your date that you run a site that has attracted thousands of visitors....
Just my thoughts.

Maidel said...

jessica - funny you should say that about dressing guys up later - my mom said the same thing about my dad! and it's nice to know that there is evidence that this thing works!

espes - even though i've only been online a month and dont have much experience with it - i think you should join! why not? why not see what is out there?

frum single - do i even want to travel? why not let them come to me?

dont give up hope - I've never labeled myself a nerd - I don't play chess or read the newspaper or like math. And you're right - blogging is getting cooler! (i hope!)

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Lion of Zion said...

my wife is in the process of becoming a SYAS shadchan

"I wouldn't do the Jdate or Frumster thing"

why not? i know a number of happily married (and relatively normal) people who met on those sites. just last week i met a new guy in shul from monsey and his wife is from baltimore. i asked how they met and he said frumster.

Lion of Zion said...

"do i even want to travel? why not let them come to me?"

good luck. maybe you should just make that UWS address your real one.

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BaruchAttta said...

what type of guys actually go on these sites???

Not the guys with "a list". You know, the guys that friends have already "read" prospects, and he hasn't had time to meet them all yet.