Jewish Weddings = Big Weddings

My South American co-worker, Paulina, is busy planning her wedding - and I have to hear every detail about it (yes I am happy about the wedding, no, I am not happy about having to hear about it).

She's dated her fiance, George, for ten years since high school, lived with him for five and has been engaged for two years. If they were Chassidish, they'd be grandparents by now. I'm not sure why she's getting married - something to do with wanting her kids to be born in wedlock to please the Greek Orthodox in-laws. But it's not like anything is going to change in her life besides immense debt.

She also has to go to all this trouble to "convert" to Greek Orthodoxy. I asked her what's involved and she says the priest is going to put some olive oil on her forehead and make her eat Tzaziki. (the kiddie pool in church is apparently a Big Fat Greek Wedding myth). I asked her what Greek Orthodoxians (is that a word?) do differently from other christians - but she doesn't have a clue. Apparently knowing a little bit about the religion beforehand isn't a prerequisite for joining. (What if I needed to make some salad dressing and I was out of oil? Could I become Greek Orthodox to save money at the grocery?) I think she was shocked when I told her that she couldn't believe in the Pope anymore or celebrate Easter at the same time as all the other Christians if she converted. I hope I didn't do any damage with that one....

Two years to plan a wedding seems like a long enough time to drive your friends crazy. Did I mention she doesn't have friends? Her bridesmaids are her future sister-in-laws. Nuff said.

I asked her how many guests she was having and she said it was going to be a "big" wedding - 250 people. When you're Jewish, 250 is the number of people in your wedding portrait - and that's just the groom's side of the family! How is it that although Jews account for less than 1% of the world's population, we seem to know more people than our fellow goyim? Shouldn't they all know eachother? If you're not Jewish, you have that many more people to know, don't you?

Girls & Sushi

what defines an obsession? an addiction?


i think i speak for many Jewish girls out there when I say that Sushi is an addiction, a pricey addiction.


I was at one of my fave sushi restos for lunch the other day with a friend, filling a craving for my favorite roll - the one with pine nuts, spinach and salmon which probably sounds weird unless you've tried it and know that it's amazing.


Is this an affliction that only befalls Jewish girls? There we were at the cute eatery, two girls among a sea of other young Jewish single girls, all eating away at those yummy little morsels. The only guys in the place were the ones working there. And yet, that was not enough of a drawback to keep us from dining.


If only a roll of maki were the same price as a slice of pizza! My wallet would surely benefit. But maybe it's the misogyny of our society that prices items higher for those of my gender.

But I know one thing - a guy who can handle his chopsticks is the guy for me!

youtube vids for you yids

I was excited to learn today that my Facebook friend, Avrom Honig, is THE genius behind Feed Me Bubbe, an online cooking show featuring his adorable grandmother cooking classic Jewish recipes - which by the way I watch all the time and take notes from! Here's the link: http://www.feedmebubbe.com/

Or, check it out on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/ChalutzProductions

Courtesy of another Facebook buddy, Suzy Baim, here's a link to Shabbat Shalom Megamix, which mixes the Shabbos spirit with some hardcore rap: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZaIviASmllI

Worth a listen - Quami de la Fox

Quami de la Fox first became famous when he interviewed the Beastie Boys when working at Galgalatz. Now he's one of Israel's hottest on the music scene as he combines a crazy mix of hip hop, rock and electric music.

Listen to "Pop Wars" and "Hofshi Hofshi" on his latest album: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=38918760

Worth a listen - Sheygets (but Jewish)

think Green Day... but Israeli! (Kol Isha friendly!)

their song שלום לך ארץ נהדרת is definitely worth a listen!

here's the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oa1uYVzeIHY

here's their myspace: http://www.myspace.com/sheygets1

are small-towners nicer people?

this post definitely applies to both guys and girls.

I don't know about you, but i've recently found that people who come from small towns are generally a lot nicer than us "big city folk".

I went to visit a friend I know from seminary who lives in a small town, the kind where everyone knows your name, where there is one GAP, one Starbucks, a giant Wal-Mart and a Target that is supposedly going to open in a year. Where everyone goes to the pub on Main Street or to the movies to have fun.

You know what I mean, don't you? Surely some of my readers have left the city at least once - at the very least, you snuck out of camp to go to the aforesaid small town Wal-Mart.

While I was there for the Memorial Day Weekend, I discovered that there are some places where store employees actually smile and mean it when they ask if you need help. Everyone was so friendly and helpful and down to earth. Not to mention the cute guys that all look like they only wear American Eagle or L.L.Bean .... I even met this male model who was so friendly and acted so unlike what I would normally expect from a male model.

I wonder if it's the small-town-ess or the fact that these guys are not Jewish that makes them seem so nice and polite and soo not snobby or cocky..... Any thoughts?

shout out to my facebook friends

My Facebook inbox has been pretty flooded lately with people asking me who I am, how they know me, where I'm from....

So here's my response: YOU DONT KNOW ME (yet!)

If you got my request asking you to be my friend, feel free to either accept or decline. No pressure.

Don't worry I'm not stalking you! (yes, one cute boy asked me if I was - and I told him that the truth is, I don't stalk guys I don't know - Brad Pitt being the sole exception)

If you really want to know.... my name is actually................Material Maidel (I should probably sue my parents for being teased in kindergarten)

Ok, here are some facts I will divulge - I am single, I am frum, I am Modern Orthodox, I am in my early twenties, I am American, I am not from NY, I like hot pink and I wish I looked like Barbie (minus the Nip/Tuck).

As to the rest, I guess you'll either have to piece that together yourself by reading my posts, or just be satisfied knowing that the Material Maidel is one cute chick.

is it wrong to like this song?

my good friend, Perez Hilton, posted this new song by gangsta rapper Hot Rod, called "I want to F**k you". This song is quite possibly the filthiest thing I've ever heard..... but the beat is awesome. Is it wrong to like this song?

Click here to decide for yourself (or don't if you want to keep your ears clean!):
http://perezhilton.com/2008-05-25-listen-to-this-sweet-tender

You know this means I've gotta follow that up with some Jewish music, so if you don't mind rap, as long as it's Jewish, here's some Gad Elbaz for you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmuqF_-pGEA

driving in cars with boys, the sequel

I think one of the most nerve-wracking parts of a first date, as a female, is when you have to get into a car with someone who is in fact a total stranger.

You are basically putting your life into the hands of someone you (maybe) have never met, and at the same time, make small talk with someone who is supposed to show 100% interest in whatever you're saying while also being 100% focused on the road. I flunked math in high school, but I'm pretty sure it isn't humanly possible to have 200% attention to give.

Then there's the whole body-positioning inner-dialogue/debate that goes on: Am I shlumping in my seat? Should I shlump more? Will that seem like I'm being more casual? Should I sit up straight? Will that show that I'm more lady-like? Is it ok if I put my arm on the armrest? What if his arm is there? Is that too much touching for a first date? Should I cross my legs? Oh no - my knees are showing! Can I ask to open the window or will that make me seem too needy? Geez, I really hate this radio station.....Where on earth is he taking me???

Then there is the whole getting out of the car in 4-inch heels with a pencil skirt issue. It's an outfit that's made to look cute - when you're standing! Getting out of the car elegantly can be tricky. Thank goodness Jewish boys dont open car doors for their dates - then they would really get a show! Good thing I'm not pulling a britney tonight!

driving in cars with boys

Is it just the boys I know, or can I generalize and say that all boys are insane drivers?

It's not just my older brothers, but also my boss and my guy friends (lecture me later on how you can't really be friends with guys) and especially guys on dates that drive as though they're late to catch a leaving train. We're driving you idiot! There aren't any trains to where we're going!

Do guys think that girls are impressed when their tires screech as they turn a corner? Do guys think girls are impressed that they know how to handle a stick? Or that their cars sound like the muffler is broke?

Maybe I'm just the kind of girl who gets more impressed by leather seats that warm your tush than by what's under the hood of a boy's ride.

Eco-Friendly Dating

One of my best friends (ok, I realize that I have a bunch, but if you can be friends with someone, why not be BEST friends!) Shaindy, has come up with this genius term that I want to help promote: ECO-FRIENDLY DATING


Eco-Friendly Dating is about making a difference in the Jewish singles environment. It's about using environmentally responsible practices and discouraging waste. If it works for planet Earth, shouldn't we make the same principles work for us?


Being Eco-Friendly is about the three R's: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.


Eco-Friendly Dating is about a similar three R's: Redd, Recycle, Ring.


First you get "Redd" a shidduch, or maybe you just meet someone of the opposite sex, and go out on a date. Then you decide that said person is SOOO not for you. A lot of people just stop there. But that's what I would like to term "irresponsible dating". All it does is waste a potential mate - maybe not yours - but someone else's! So, instead of just calling the whole thing off and never speaking to the guy or girl you went out with ever again, why not move on to step #2:


Recycle! Just because someone isn't your type does NOT mean that they won't be your friend's type either. I know a girl who went on a date with this guy, decided he was really great, but just not as frum as her. So... she set him up with her neighbour - and now they're married! If you date someone who seems really great - why waste that contact when you could "recycle" and have something awesome come out of the situation! Granted, there are those dates that reallllly suck, where the guy or girl does something or says something that is horrible beyond belief. Maybe, put those dates in the junk pile.... But then, you never know - maybe they were just having a reallly off night, or maybe you know someone that isn't as 'great' either! (is it mean to set up two people you dislike?)


Step number 3 is RING! Yay! The couple you set up is getting married! That officially puts you in line for heaven! (only 6 more to go!) and plus you get bragging rights at the engagement parties, and the bridal showers, and the bachelor party, and the wedding and the sheva brachos! Maybe they'll even name their first pet after you!


So... next time you meet or hear about someone single, instead of going "ewwwwww, sooo not for me!", start thinking green, and say "ummmmmm, soooo not for me, but I do know someone who would be perfect!". The Environment will thank you!

is starbucks kosher?

I just got back from a starbucks break at work, and now im thinking...

is everything at starbucks kosher?

Pbviously, there aren't any mashgiachs on staff at any of the locations i've been to, and there is no 'te'udah' posted on their walls.

But for some reason, i've always understood that "coffee is always kosher" - whether you buy it at the cholov yisroel pizza shop or at mcdonalds.

But what about the rest of the items on the menu at Starbucks? i wasn't in the mood for a coffee (i think two by 12:30 is my limit - i think im starting to shake from all the caffeine) - so I got a medium (i think they call it tall??) white hot chocolate, no-fat, no whipped cream. It's pretty yummy, maybe tooo yummy, maybe its not kosher!

I haven't stopped drinking it. I can't stop. The office is way too cold. And it's way too yummy.

Should I just assume that everything at Starbucks is kosher, because everyone goes there? Or should I start figuring out how to work some tshuva time into my schedule?

Happy Lag B'Omer!

A number of reasons are cited for the custom of lighting the bonfires of Lag B'Omer. One is a rememberance of the fire at Mt. Sinai at the giving of the Torah. Another is to remind us of the fire that was always present when Rebbi Shimon Bar Yochai learned Torah.
There is another reason. The fire represents the Jewish Neshama. (soul) It say in Proverbs, "The Soul of Man is Hashem's candle (light). The bonfire is a symbol of the igniting of the Jewish soul on this day, and its desire to come closer to Hashem.
Rebbi Yisrael of Rizhin, by way of the Rabbis of Sfas, purchased, at great expense, the right to light the main bonfire in Meron on Lag B'Omer for all time. It has passed on to his descendants even today as an inheritance.
Once when his grandson, the Sadigorer Rebbi was asked about this phenomenon, he answered, "Tens of thousands of souls have been healed because of this bonfire which is lit in the honor of the Holy Rebbi Shimon Bar Yochai!!" (thanks Nishmas.org)

Next year in Meron!

is chocolate pudding nutritious?

My friend's sister, Libby, recently told me about this new diet that a lot of her friends are on. It's kind of sad that they're so worried about their weight at their age - Libby's only 14 and barely filled out, but I guess kids are getting 'older' at a younger age nowadays.

The diet they're on is actually a secret - Libby would only let me in on a few of the details, which I promised not to share with anyone (besides my blog readers, of course!). Basically, the diet was started by a Lakewood housewife who, for $50 a month, gives you a diet plan that consists of eating mayonnaise and crackers everyday. You have to call her every week and tell her what you ate during the past week and then the diet is modified for the next.

I'm pretty sure that the non-fat chocolate pudding I had for a snack is waaaay more nutritious (and more delicious) than crackers and mayonnaise.

Can someone call this Lakewood housewife and tell her to stay away the nuts?

like my makeover?

i've been working on

a mini-makeover!

what do u think?

should i switch back?

is commitment a turn-on?

Ok, I know I'm not the only one guilty of this. Who doesn't check out the OnlySimchas wedding galleries from time to time? Sometimes I use the excuse that I'm looking for people I know, when in fact all I really want to do is check out strangers' pictures. It's almost the same guilty pleasure as reading In Touch or Star or watching a reality show where you get to peek into and comment on other people's lives. Voyeurism is fun!

My friend Shaindy made a comment about the fact that the guys on OnlySimchas are often a lot better looking than the ones on Frumster. I can't help but agree. But, is it true, as my mom often says, that the good ones get grabbed first? (she got married at 19!)

As usual, I started thinking... what if I bumped into one of the engaged/newly-married guys on the street? Would I think of any of these guys as crush-worthy as I do seeing them next to their ball&chain? Does being taken make someone more attractive?

I wish I could take the credit for originality here, but this is an age-old question.

What makes a committed guy more attractive to a single girl?

It's as though a guy's stock shoots up 10 points because they suddenly have another girl interested in them. If you cropped the girl out of the picture (not so hard to do when they're standing three feet away from one another in a shomer, 'on the telephone' pose), often those fantastic guys just turn into average joes. But for some reason, knowing another girl is in the picture is enough to make me want to crop her out - indefinitely!

Maybe I need to develop a new frame of mind to meetings guys. Instead of trying to decide whether a guy would be good for me - which is often a pretty confusing task - I'm going to ask myself whether I would be jealous if the guy was with someone else!

I wonder if guys feel the same way.... Should I tell people I'm in a relationship to get set up on more dates? Ok, gotta go girls & boys! Gotta change my Facebook status!

B'H for Kosher

I've always considered myself pretty kosher. While I used to "cheat" in my younger days with Doritos, Trident and Jelly Bellys (pre-OU), if you asked me, I would still say that I kept kosher. (in my post-Neve life, I have finally seen the light)

Some of my shiksa classmates (in no way do I mean that derogatorily), love to ask me all about what keeping kosher involves, and I don't mind explaining the halachas. They probably think that Jews a nutty bunch with all of our restrictions. But if you've grown up with it, as I have, you know that it's pretty much the only way we know how to be.

There's one "restriction" for which I would like to take this moment and express my gratitude to Hashem for making me a Jew: the no-lobster rule.

Patricia, one of the aforesaid shiksas, recently told me her recipe for lobster. I think someone needs to call PETA for what they do to these poor lobsters.

Not only do people insist on eating these ugly bug-like creatures, but did you know that lobsters are boiled alive! Patricia said you can hear the poor things screaming.

Sorry for the gruesome image, but I just find the whole thing a little upsetting. Why isn't this illegal in this country? (according to Wikipedia, it is a felony in Italy)

I'm definitely not a left-wing vegan (I just had really yummy chicken schnitzel for dinner), but I do have a heart (it's hot pink).

Thank Hashem for not making lobsters kosher.

no makeup and messy hair

Ever notice that the one day you look a mess, is the exact day that you bump into EVERYONE you know?

I'm not saying that I normally put on a whole face and flat iron my hair every time I leave the house - which, btw, is what a lot of my poor Boro Park friends do. (I think those girls kinda overdo it, donchathink? Do casual clothes even exist on 13th Avenue? Learn to blend the blush ladies and you don't need to wear ALL of your Shabbos jewelry to go to the corner store!)

(please forgive the rant)

Anyhow, here in Out-of-Town, while I dont dress in my Shabbos best every day, I do try and make an effort to look decent.

But sometimes, even the Material Maidel has a bad day.

The other day was one of those really gray, rainy, cant-get-out-of-bed days. And of course, I didn't. I stayed in bed, dreaming of new blog posts....

When suddenly.... I started feeling something wet touch my face. Don't get any crazy ideas - it was my malti-poo Daisy (yes, just like Jessica Simpson's!) trying to wake me up from my mini-coma so that I would give her breakfast #3 of the day.

All I have to say is Baruch Hashem for hungry multi-poos, because at that moment, as I looked over at my alarm clock (which I have yet to learn to program), I realized that I was about 3 hours late for my appointment with Dr. Mean, my dentist. Ok, he's really not that mean, and he is the best in town, but his secretary can be a female malti-poo and makes you pay for cancelling an appointment with less than 24-hour notice.

So as I scoot out of bed and manage to find clothes on my floor that don't smell too bad, I use the newspaper elastic to tie back my bedhead hair in a messy bun, find my keys and wallet and jump in my car.

Why didn't i think to look in the mirror???

It turns out that although I missed my appointment, the mean secretary is on maternity leave! There's a temp working the desk at the dentist who is really nice and manages to pencil me.

Wow, Hashem's on my side today!

Well, that's what I'm thinking until Dr. not-so-Mean says that I have a bunch of cavities to be filled.

So when I walk out of the dentist's three hours later, not only is my hair a wild mess, my clothes all wrinkly, mismatched and kinda smelly, but now my face is a huge swollen disaster. Looks like the emergency lipgloss I keep in my car isn't gonna cut it.

Great timing to get this text from Miri: "where are you? it's shaindy's birthday and we're all at the restaurant waiting for you!"

What's the yeshivish word for "Sh!t"?

No time to go home and change - and how could I miss Shaindy's surprise party? Oh well, Baruch Hashem my friends aren't that judgmental!

Well, they aren't, but my mom's yenta friends and my shadchan kinda are. And guess who happens to be at the same restaurant I'm headed to...

If only the "Farmer needs a wife" reality show had been casting then....

the date with the foreigner

I know that people are curious with how my date went with the Foreigner aka the Yeshivish name-dropper (see post below).

now, usually, a good girl doesn't kiss and tell.

but I can tell you in all honesty that there certainly wasn't any ki$$ing to tell about.

my date was alright, if a tad on the B-O-R-I-N-G side. guess there's no Gemarah on Conversation Skills 101. (obviously though, that doesn't excuse the Foreigner - I've encountered many Men in Black who know how to make a girl blush)

I didn't end up Googling any yeshivish words though! Although that probably would have made the convo a little more interesting, I figured I might as well be as real as possible on the date. (well, you know, besides for the fake hair extensions and eyelashes)

I think going out with the Foreigner made me realize that sometimes the grass isn't greener on the other side. (it's Black and White)

I think I'll stick to dating guys more my speed. (know anyone cute?)

Oh - and guess how the date ended? With another yeshivish word, of course.

I told him we weren't Shayich.

kiddush clubs for ladies?

we all have kiddush clubs at our shuls. even the smallest shteibel has a group of men who quietly exit davening (usually right before the rabbi's speech) to get together and "enjoy" some herring, crackers and a bottle or two of the best scotch (I say "enjoy" because I mean, seriously, does any of that stuff actually sound appealing?)

i've heard of shuls banning kiddush clubs, and i totally support that. i mean, isn't davening while under the influence kinda not within the spirit of the law? and i doubt anyone is being carded at those clubs. and more importantly, what about the idea of equal rights?

that's right - why aren't there kiddush clubs for women?!

Ok, granted, as mentioned in paragraph 1 of this herein post, the stuff that's being served at kiddush clubs aren't exactly lady-friendly.

But, why not have Ladies' Kiddush Clubs! Instead of scotch and vodka and whiskey (and anything else that tastes and smells like a urine sample), we could serve Strawberry Daquiris and Sex on the Beach and Pina Colada! Instead of herring and crackers --> mini hors d'oeuvres and Party Sandwiches.

C'mon Jewish women of America (and Canada)! Let's get this party started!

A frum girl on survivor?

This guy I know (not Jewish) when to some open calls recently for a new reality show. Naturally, this got me thinking - why don't I apply for a reality show!

Then I started thinking about the kinds of shows I would actually be eligible for.

The Bachelor - Nope, not unless the guy was Jewish. And even then, would a shomer negiah show make ratings?

Big Brother - Nope, no way that I could be filmed and wear a mike on Shabbos without breaking at least 613 mitzvos.

Survivor - Nope. I can't wear bikinis, I can't eat rats, and as a frum jewish girl, I can't go without showers and makeup for longer than 3 days.

The Real World - the ultimate chilul hashem.

Americas Next Top Model - Nope, unless there was a Jewish edition where 5'4 was the height limit.

American Idol - Nope, as if I could even sing on tune, and plus there's that whole Kol Isha thing.

Project runway - only if I could bring my asian dressmaker with me.

dating a foreigner

So I have this date tomorrow night with this guy suggested to me by a friend.

We've spoken on the phone twice already, and he seems like a great guy.

BUT, here's the thing....

We don't speak the same language.

Now, I know that sometimes, couples manage to overcome the language barrier with L-O-V-E. My co-worker, who knows only very basic Spanish, dated a hot Latino who could barely speak English. I guess speaking wasn’t a major component of their relationship

I should say that my situation isn't as extreme. The guy that I'll be going out with actually does speak a form of English, if it can be called that. He speaks Yeshivish.

As a ModOrth girl with a “Machmir” bent (label courtesy of Frumster), I told my friend that I don’t mind dating guys slightly more frum than myself – which is true.

I guess I just wasn't prepared for the 'name-dropping' Yeshivish-style. You know, when frum guys feel the need to pepper their speech with words like "Be'erech", "yesoid" and well, I wish I remembered more to tell you about. I think some people call this Frumspeak, but I'm frum, and it's not the way I speak...

Should I risk sounding like a goy and ask him to translate? Or should I google some yeshivish words pre-date and start speaking that way too?

Oy! The tzuris.

can i make an omer exception for SATC?

I dont know what your traditions are, but in my family, we keep the 'mourning' part of the sefirah all the way through until Shavuos. The boys in the family will get haircuts on Lag B'Omer, but once day 34 (or is it really 35) comes around, it's back to mourning.

We also hold by the 'no movies, no outdoor concerts, no theatre' rule during this period. It kinda really sucks. I've even have to listen to talk radio in the car. It's bad.

And although every year I am reminded just how sucky it is that I can't go out to the same places as my non-mourning friends, this year is extra-sucky.

It's all because of SATC.

If you don't know what SATC stands for, have you been living under a rock/Lakewood for the past ten years???

I'm talking about Sex and the City (which I hope even you Lakewooders secretly watch on your secret TVs/computers).

Yup, the movie is coming out this month!!! As a bit of a Carrie Bradshaw myself (maybe without the ugly), I have been looking forward to the release of the movie since Season 1!

But why, oh why must they release the most anticipated movie EVER (by girls who aren't into Star Wars) during the exact time of the year when I will not be able to see it??

Is someone in production out to get me? Is Hashem trying to be funny? Is SATC assur? (see post below)

Now comes the internal debate => do I NOT hit the theatre until after Shavuos? (theatres will be a lot less packed, but I could also risk hearing spoilers) OR do I decide to change traditions and tell myself that I now only mourn until Lag B'Omer? (possible aveirah, but who hasn't faked being a sephardi in order to cut back on the hours between milk and meat at one point?)

I'll let you know what happens.... Any thoughts?

Are romance novels assur?

I hope I dont sound like some stuffy Hashkafah teacher for bringing this subject up...

But haven't you ever wondered whether those Danielle Steele/Judith McNaught/whoever-it-was-that-wrote-the-Devil-Wears-Prada novels could be assur?

Ok, you're probably protesting right now that you don't read those types of books.

I call your bluff. I know you snuck those books home from your friend's house when you were 13 trying to figure out what exactly was going on with those two main characters. How else do you learn about the birds and the bees? And don't tell me you didn't feel the tiniest tinge of guilt as you were flipping through those pages... Maybe you still feel it, but you've learned to squash it...

Couldn't you technically say that reading these novels that would be rated R if such ratings existed, is just as bad as watching pornography?

Wish I knew some halacha to back it up right now.

Maybe we're scared that if we stay away from reading "garbage", that we'll have to stop watching and listening to "garbage" too. And garbage these days is everywhere. (junior high kids doing "it" on Gossip Girl, most of the Top 40 on the radio, even the Cartoon Network!) Would that mean that we'd have to limit ourselves from EVERYTHING? Maybe we should. Maybe all that nonsense is really bad for our neshamas. Maybe those crazy Chassids have a point....

But.... there's no way I'm giving up Gossip Girl!

why I'm not an aidel maidel

as you may have heard... i had a mini-flip during my time in seminary.

I call it a mini-flip, because I pretty much came home the same person I left. I definitely learned a lot, became really inspired and made some hachlatahs in the Holy Land, but I also didn't lose something very important to me - my personality!

What are the top three ways that you know your flipped-out friend is either a) going to flip back or b) is faking it:

# 1 your friend loses their personality and tries to personify an "aidel maidel" or a "shtarkie".

# 2 your friend starts speaking with a Yeshivish/Bais Yacov accent

#3 your friend asks you not to speak Lashon Harah around them (resulting in convos about men/women in the parsha, rather than men/women in her/his life)

Ok, I guess I can understand #3, even if we now have nothing in common anymore and I'd rather watch paint dry than talk to my friend on the phone.

But who are we kidding? You grew up with this person, and remember how this person was the "rebel" in your high school and always fought with the teachers and was the reason the school made your class listen to a lecture on shomer negiah.

People can change. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be more machmir.

But you can still be a maidel without the aidel! and that's why I'm MM!

Tznius complications

To wear short sleeves? Or to not wear short sleeves?

That is the question plaguing me this summer.

Now, although I grew up in your average ModOrth family (growing up, I should say - I still live with the 'rents!), I also grew up wearing pants, shorts, tank tops and even low-cut shirts (I know.... I better not put that in my shidduch resumé).

So when I decided to flip out during my year in Israel, not only were my parents shocked and appalled, but I also shockingly and appallingly began to tznius-ify my wardrobe.

Have you ever seen What Not to Wear on TLC? You know how the first part of the show is all about the hosts throwing out the fashion-disaster-of-the-day's fashion disasters? And you know how the second part is where they turn the fashion disaster into a fashion diva with a whole closet full of trendy clothes?

Let's just say that my own closet makeover had the first part but skipped the second. It was BARE. (but now, I wasn't!)

I remember hopping off the plane in the summer and making my mom take me to the nearest department store to look for clothes that my seminary Rabbis would be proud of. What I didn't expect was how hard shopping would now be!

If you're a guy reading this, please stop here. This will bore you. Actually, I'm sure you read the first sentence of my blog and went to bed.

Girls - you know what I'm talking about, right?

You go into a cute, new store you've just discovered.... only to find that they're all about capris and halter tops. The only three-quarter-length top in the entire store has a scooped back or a scooped front, and although you could probably pull it off wearing a tank top underneath it, who really wants to sweat under all that fabric in the summer??

I think as the years have passed I've become pretty good at skipping past the skimpy racks and heading for the skirts at my favorite stores. But just the other day, there I was, at the mall, looking at this gorgeous silk designer top that had just been marked down from over a hundred to more than half off. But, da da da dum, it was short-sleeved!

I actually had a conversation with myself at that moment (those convos are the best I ever have) where I asked myself whether or not I should continue my "say no to elbows" style or maybe change course and embrace the knees and elbows - you know, show off what I've got. (I realize that we all have elbows and knees, but pre-flip out, I really liked mine).

Then it got me thinking - what did my ancestors do?

Did frum Jews even exist in Miami, LA, or Phoenix in the pre-air conditioning era? What about when the Tribes had to walk around the dessert for 40 years? Did those clouds come with a/c or did the Jews maybe have a reason to complain all those times they did?

Then..... I remembered being at a bus stop in Bnai Braq during the month of August, waiting next to a young Chassidish guy (sorry girls, I dont know if he was single - those guys dont wear wedding rings!). It was pre-flip out. I was wearing a skirt, but it was short, and so were my sleeves, bare legs, flip flops. He was wearing the usual Chassidish guy garb, a heavy wool coat, heavy wool hat, knee-high socks, probably his entire wardrobe all at once. I was sweating, he was as cool as cucumber.

It was pretty much a pivotal moment for me, where I realized that being tznius isn't totally ridiculous, and for those who keep it, Hashem makes it worthwhile. That's because tznius isn't as much about the outside as it is the inside. Tznius is about letting other people see a reflection of who you really are as a person, as a Jew, as a special and holy individual. And that's why I decided to put down the cute silk designer top and move on to the winter sales rack.

Tznius is important, but, it can definitely make a frustrating shopping experience!

PS - my apologies to Hashem that we're a nation of complainers, and that I probably contribute to about 75% of all our complaining - I know that there are wars going on and people starving in the world, and that my issues are pretty frivolous in comparison. But, "she'asani kirtzono", right?

Life as a Material Maidel

What's life like as a twenty-something single frum girl from "out of town"? Chances are you know exactly what life is like.

Chances are that you, yes, you, Ms. Reader, fit the said description. Because, as you and I are both very very very much aware, these days almost everyone we know is a twenty-something single frum girl from "out of town".

Alright, so maybe you have a friend who is almost all of the above but she's from NYC - and yes, the boroughs count - or your friends are 30+ (oy vey, pity pity).... but c'mon - who are you kidding - we're all pretty much in the same boat. We're all desperate (secretly) to climb out of our boat.

Ok enough with the depressing single girl story - let's focus on the positive!

Think about it ladies - we're young, cute and single! We can stay out as late as we want, we can go where we want, have dinner or drinks with the girls, take awesome trips on a moment's notice - we've only got ourselves and our bright, sunny futures to think about! And while we may not stay young and gorgeous forever - we certainly need to live it up while we still can!

Alright Ms. Reader - so let me know.... how does it feel to be you? Got any crazy dating stories for me? Any advice on where to get the latest it-bag? Any celeb gossip to share? (does celebrity gossip count as Lashon Harah - just a thought to ponder...)

You share your life and I'll let you know about my own adventures as a Material Maidel!

Being from "Out of Town"

First of all, I would love to meet the individual who decided that the Jewish world should be divided into two distinct groups.

No, not Ashkenazi vs. Sephardic...

I'm talking about a geographic divide that has translated into a much more pronounced division among Jewish singles.

I'm talking about NY-er vs. Out-of-Towners (OoT).

Now, obviously, a bunch of Detroit yentas didn't come up with this concept. I blame the people of the island of Manhattan and the residents of the boroughs surrounding it. Since when has NY become its own planet?

You often hear guys of our marriageable age from Brooklyn talking about how they would rather settle down with an OoT than a jappy Flatbush girl.

HUH?

Since when are only Flatbush girls JAPS?? These guys have obviously never come to my hood.... (but then, of course, why would they ever leave NY Hakodesh).

Which brings up a second point... is leaving the Tri-State area really that scary???

How many of you OoT girls have been turned down by a potential date because of your "geographic undesirability"?

Or maybe you're the one who had to book a flight to NY to meet some guy who sounded like the male version of The Nanny?

My heart goes out to the girls in Canada - what NYer has a passport! (ppl there barely have their driver's license).

Ok NY-ers -I hope you dont think that this Material Maidel has it out for y'all. I actually heart NY! Where else would I get my fake Gucci handbags? ;)

The Orthodoxy Test says that I'm HUH?

So one of my best friends, Miri, sent me this link to the Orthodoxy Test that she found on Frum Satire's site:

http://www.nerdtests.com/mq/take.php?id=200

This 25-question quiz is supposed to reveal where you fall on the Orthodox spectrum. The quiz is pretty well done, and covers most of the current issues being dealt with in the Frum world.

Since high school, I've kinda been on this "searching" path, trying to figure out where exactly I fit in, and which stream to associate myself with. I went to Neve Yerushalayim - 'nuff said.

So I was pretty excited when Miri sent me the aforesaid link, hoping that somehow the powers of the Internet could help me find my way.

But.....

These are my results:

Left Wing Modern Orthodox: 33%

Right Wing Modern Orthodox: 56%

Left Wing Yeshivish/Chareidi: 61%

Right Wing Yeshivish/Chareidi: 36%
The Orthodoxy Test says that I'm Huh?

Yup. I'm "HUH?". I finally know now that I am officially category-less in Orthodox Judaism. Does that mean that I'm seriously complicated? Does it mean that I don't fit in anywhere? Or that I fit in everywhere?

Turns out Miri got the exact same results, with slightly different percentages (she thinks girls learning Gemara is assur, and I had no idea what Kefira was - we went to very different high schools!).

So I'm thinking (hoping) that maybe it's not ME - maybe there's some crazy glitch with the system. What results did you get?