picking the perfect purim party

Is it just me or are there more parties to choose from this year than normal?

I have at least 15 facebook invites to which I haven't yet responded.

Do I want to go to a party where I have to pay cover? Is a $50 party guaranteed to be more fun than one that's free? And most importantly - are drinks on the house?

Sometimes I check the guest-lists to see who replied. Are there too many little kids going? Too many older weirdos?

I'm not a professional party-girl, but Purim is one of my fave holidays -what material maidel doesn't love a chance to put together an awesome makeup/costume look - in public!



Now I just have to figure out what to wear this year..... any ideas?

I'm thinking Lady Gaga or Barbie....

parshas yitro

Don't forget to go to shul people! This Shabbos we're reading the 10 Commandments - so make sure you wake up in time to hear them!

A very nice Dvar Torah I heard from a very nice Rebbetzin today:

Last week's Parsha began with the words " וַיְהִי בְּשַׁלַּח פַּרְעֹה"  - and Pharoah let Bnai Yisrael go.
This week's Parsha begins with "וַיִּשְׁמַע יִתְרוֹ" - and Yitro heard.
It's interesting that the two Parshas that ultimately culminate in Bnai Yisroel receiving the Torah start with people who are not part of our nation. Two people who couldn't be more different in their approaches to 'yiddishkeit'. And the way that each Parsha begins reflects their approaches.  
Hearing is a way in which you take something that is exterior to you, and you then internalize and process and understand it. It is the opposite of letting something go - where you take something that you once internalized and discard it.
Hearing is also a spiritual sense. According to the Lubavitcher Rebbe, the only way that a person can internalize Hashem and spirituality is by 'hearing' - you cannot see Hashem or spirituality firsthand - but you can talk about it and discuss it, listen to shiurs about it, and by doing so, understand it. The only time that we experienced Hashem by 'seeing' is at Har Sinai where it says "וְכָל הָעָם רֹאִים אֶת הַקּוֹלֹת"  - and Bnai Yisrael saw the Voices.

is it wrong to celebrate new years?

Why am I getting all Yeshivish all of a sudden? I was writing a friend of mine an email and was about to end it with a 'Happy New Year' when it occured to me that this friend would most definitely not be celebrating the start of 2010. And of course, that got me thinking...

Is it wrong to celebrate this non-Jewish day? And by celebrate, I mean go to a party, drink like it's 2009, and use the aformentioned salutation when it is most definitely not Rosh Hashanah. Am I actively committing a sin by participating in a day that was originally established to celebrate the birth of christianity? Or am I just acting plain goyish by partying? (i think it's debatable whether that's such a bad thing)

Or has the gregorian calendar lost all religious significance in our secular society? Is new years just another national (well, multi-national) holiday, like Thanksgiving or Independance Day? And isn't the Jewish calendar based on the ancient Persian?

top 10 things you'll find at a NY jew party

In no particular order, here they are: (and yes, these are generalizations)

1. Semi-dark room - dim enough to make you think the guy introducing himself is actually Potential; not dark enough to hide his really awkward dance moves.
2. Empty Dance floor - NY Jews just don't like to dance in front of other NY Jews. Except of course, for the aforementioned non-Potential, and that one couple making babies in full view (they're either Israeli, or she's fulfilling his shiksa fantasy).
3. Over-priced tickets - because everything else about being Jewish costs more, so of course they can charge Jews $50 to come to an otherwise free public space. And don't forget to bring your wallet - drinks are definitely not covered. 
4. Really Bad Music - this could explain #2. But there really is no explanation for a DJ who switches to trance when everyone's happily singing along to Black Eyed Peas.
5. VIP sections without any actual VIPs - just another ploy to get Jews to shell out more dough. Some party planners think this a good way to weed out the weirdos.... but whoever decided that weirdos don't have cash obviously forgot that Pauly Shore was once a celebrity.
6. Hot bartender - why is the hottest guy in the room also the most gentile?
7. Starers, as in people who STARE - not as bad as Brooklyn starers, if only because mouths are kept closed. But this seems to be the activity of choice at NY Jew parties. Also could explain #2. Why dance when you can watch? Sounds hot, but is pretty creepy when you're on the receiving end. 
8. Jews - well, duh. But there are also the token non-Js, such as #6, as well as the bouncer, the coat check people, and friends of Jews (in which case, they're probably immersed in Jew culture because all their friends are Jewish - or, they're acting as wing-men it for their unaffiliated Jew friend whose mother will kill him if he doesn't find a wife at this party).
9. Same faces - the kinds you are trying to avoid. But they show up, no matter what party you go to. Maybe filing a restraining order isn't such a bad idea after all.
10. Frum jews trying to pass off as normal. Sorry buddy, just because you're not wearing your yarmulka tonight doesn't mean I don't recognize you as my Boro Park cousin's chavrusa.

my schlissel challah

Isn't it gorgeous? I made it all by myself today!

Kudos to Shaindy and her family, also known as my other family, for letting me in on their minhag to bake Challah with a Key in it (schlissel is yiddish for key) on the Shabbos after Pesach.

Over at A Simple Jew, I found the following reasons for this supercool minhag (which like Shaindy's family, I've decided to adopt as my own):

1).In Shir Hashirim (which we read on Pesach) it says פִּתְחִי-לִי אֲחֹתִי רַעְיָתִי - “Open for Me, My sister, My beloved". Chazal say that Hashem asks us to open up for Him a small whole like the tip of a needle and He will open up a huge hole for us. Also, Klal Yisroel is called a bride and they are called the bechina (aspect) of bread. During Pesach all the upper gates and minds are open and after Pesach they close and we need to open them. Therefore, we put a key in the challah after Pesach to hint at us opening a small “hole”, through the mitzvah of Shabbos (and, if I might add, the mitzvah of challah) and now Hashem should open up all His good from his storehouses and the heavens like He gave the mon to our fathers in the month of Iyar, and this Shabbos we bless the month of Iyar.

2) After Pesach is when the mon stopped falling and we brought the Omer. From then on we needed to eat from the produce of the ground; we needed parnasa, since untill now we had the mon. It is known that everything has a gate. Therefore just as we daven to Hashem to open up the gates of parnasa we have a minhag to put the form of a key on the challos to allude that Hashem should open up the gates of parnasa for us.

3) During sefira we count 49 days till Shavuos, the 50th day, which is the shaarei bina. We go from gate to gate, and each gate has a key. That is why we make an image of a key on the challah.

4) It says in Shir Hashirim 1:11 תּוֹרֵי זָהָב נַעֲשֶׂה לָּךְ עִם נְקֻדּוֹת הַכָּסֶף - "We will make for you circlets of gold with spots of silver." By the Mishkan it says זהב וכסף ונחשת, putting zahav (gold) before kesef (silver). In Bereishis, by the creation of the world, the first day it says Yehi ohr which is chesed (which is represented by silver) and the second day represents gevurah, which in turn represents gold. The reason is that by the creation of the world it was pure chesed, as it says “the world was built on chesed” (Tehilim 89,3), therefore chesed, which is representative of kesef, precedes gevurah, which is representative of zahav. By the Mishkan, however, Hashem had to, so-to-speak, contract (tzimtzum) the Shechina (Divine Presence) to dwell in it, and tzimtzum is from the aspect of gevurah, therefore zahav precedes kesef by the Mishkan. However, the zahav written there has the nekudah (vowel sound) of a פַתַּח (it has a patach instead of the usual kometz), it says זְהַב הַתְּנוּפָה (Shemos 38,24), and that is the nekuda of chesed –the nekuda of chochma. And פתח (the vowel) also means opening like פתח ושער- from there comes all the kindness. Putting it all together, this that we say in Shir Hashirim תּוֹרֵי זָהָב נַעֲשֶׂה לָּךְ עִם נְקֻדּוֹת הַכָּסֶף means the Mishkan was made with zahav, the aspect of tzimtzum, but with the nekuda of kesef, meaning the (word “zahav”, instead of having the usual vowel, kometz, is written with the) nekuda of patach, which is chesed. And the Shabbos after Pesach is always in the second week of sefira which is gevurah, the aspect of zahav, except that it is menukad with kesef, nekudas patach. Through this we say that we will open up all the gates of blessing and since every gate has a מפתח (key) we make the image of a key on the challah.

5) The previous four reasons are all brought by the Ohev Yisroel in Shabbos Acher Pesach and Likutim Parshas Shmini. There is a fifth reason brought by the Ohev Yisroel, also based on the posuk תּוֹרֵי זָהָב נַעֲשֶׂה לָּךְ עִם נְקֻדּוֹת הַכָּסֶף, connecting the written and oral Torah to challah. (See Ohev Yisroel, Shabbos Acher Pesach)

6) The matza we ate on Pesach is supposed to instill in us Yiras Hashem. And Yirah is compared to a key as we see from the following Gemara in Mesechta Shabbos 31a-b: “Rabbah bar Rav Huna said: Any person that has Torah but doesn’t have Yiras Shomayim is comparable to a treasurer who has the keys to the inner parts (of the treasure house) but the keys to the outer area was not handed to him. How can he get to the inner parts (if he can’t first get into the outer parts)?” Therefore we put a key in the challah the Shabbos after Pesach to show we want the Yirah obtained from the matzos to stay with us, because if one has Yirah then the Torah will stay attached to him. (Yismach Yisroel)

7) The Rambam lists out at the beginning of Hilchos Chometz U’Matza that there are 8 mitzvos (3 positive & 5 negative) involved there. The key we put in the challah alludes to this Rambam: the letters of מפתח (key) spell פ״ת ח׳ מ׳צות. (פ״ת is bread, representing the “chometz” and מ׳ is for matza- these allude to Hilchos Chometz U’Matza, and theח׳ is the 8 mitzvos involved) (Tzvi LaTzadik)

8) The Shabbos after Pesach we make challos that look like matzos, as an allusion to the matzos that were eaten on Pesach Sheini. And we put a key in it to allude to the “gates” being open untill Pesach Sheini. (Imrei Pinchos)

9) The minhag is to put keys in the challah and make them in the form of matzos. The reason is that in these seven weeks of sefira we are supposed to work on our Avodas Hashem until we reach the the level of the first night of Pesach. The way to do this is to put the “left into the right”, meaning mix the trait of ahava (right side) with yirah (left side). In this second week of sefira we have these two traits in our hands, since the first week of sefira is chesed- ahava, and the second week is gevura - yirah. That is why we make the challah look like matza. Matza is representative of the yetzer tov, the right, and chometz is representative of the yetzer horah, the left. Now, we have challos which are true chometz, in the form of matza; “the left is in the right”, chometz in matza. (Shearis L’Pinchos)

10) There are many reasons given for the shlissel challah, and I say that the shlisel challos are the keys to parnasa. (Segulas HaBeShT V’Talmidov quoting Nachlas Yaakov)

much needed dvar torah

I'm gonna try and "elevate" the mood on MM for this Shabbos.

We're reading my favorite Parsha this week - Chayei Sarah.

Why is this one my fave?
a) Because it's a story, and I love stories. Don't get me wrong - the dinim sections of the Chumash have good stuff too, but they're not as romantic;
b) it's the one parsha we seemed to learn a lot about in school; and
c) it deals with real people and real life situations. (life, death, dating, marriage, remarriage).

It's also a fave because this is the Parsha where Avraham buys Me'arat HaMachpela - in my opinion, one of the most interesting and strange places in Israel today.

Another reason why I love this parsha? Because it demonstrates the importance of women in Judaism. (i'm def not a bra-burning feminist, but it's nice to know that yiddishkeit is relatable to me as well).

Rabbi Yissocher Frand wrote an interesting Dvar Torah that I want to share with you.
(I've tried to shorten it a bit! For the full speil, click here: http://www.torah.org/learning/ravfrand/5760/chayeisarah.html)

***

The Midrash says that Sarah's name was changed from Sarai to Sarah (meaning officer/ruler/princess) to show her being given dominion over the entire world. But if you look at Sarah's life it doesn't exactly seem like she had that much power over.

She was taken captive by Pharoah and then Avimelech. For 90 years, she was barren.

Rav Nissan Alpert suggests that in spite of everything, Sarah did rule over the entire world. A person who can maintain her equilibrium, her serenity and faith, in spite of the events that surround and effect her is indeed a person who "rules over the entire world".

We cannot change the course of events. There are things that happen to people every day that we cannot control - death, war, natural disasters. That's what life is about.

So if there is so much that we cannot change - how do we 'rule'? Only by maintaining one's serenity and equilibrium throughout it all.

That is what the life of Sarah was. For a woman to remain barren for 90 years and experience so many the trials and tribulations was not a simple matter. And yet we see the same Eishes Chayil [woman of valor], the same Ba'alas Chessed [personality of kindness], the same Matriarch Sarah throughout. This is indeed a person who ruled over the entire world.

The Midrash also says the following: "Let Esther the granddaughter of Sarah who lived for 127 years come and rule over 127 provinces." What's the connection?

Esther also had a life of trials and tribulations. Esther had a life that could have been influenced by events that happened to her. She was an orphan. She was taken against her will to the palace of the King...

Esther could have forsaken her people in exchange for the success and the fame that she was receiving. However, Esther remained rock solid in her faith. She did not let events shape her life. She maintained herself. Therefore, Esther could rule over 127 provinces -- virtually the entire known world at that time.

If a person has learned the secret of not letting external events shape his or her life and rather maintains an internal serenity in spite of those events, that person has in fact achieved a great degree of control.

Something to think about.

Have a GREAT Shabbos!

forgetting my brachas

I had a convo about this with my good friend Leah the other day.
I wasn't raised yeshivish-style. I learned that brachas existed, but it was never really enforced.
I remember doing pretty poorly on our fourth grade quiz on brachot - I could never figure out what to say over cornflakes or rice krispies!
In elementary school, they didn't expect us to say brachos before we ate. For benching, one not-so-lucky student would have to say the prayer out loud over a loudspeaker in the cafeteria for all to hear. Some kids were pretty embarassed to do this - especially if their hebrew skills were lacking. I, on the other hand, always loved being the center of attention - still do! But while I now know all the words to Bircat Hamazon, I still rarely say it.
My high school had washing cups - but only the really frum Rabbis or kids who were on the verge of flipping out ever used those. I would sometimes wash too - but only if all my friends were doing it. Good thing I didn't follow that trend with drugs.
My mother sometimes reminds me to thank G-d before I eat a fruit - I guess she doesn't think G-d has as much of a connection to chocolate or pretzels. But except for those rare occasions, I still have trouble remembering to stop before I eat.
And like most ModOrth families, my family always benches after a meal - on Shabbos. I know my father benches after every meal, but everyone else is usually long gone from the table and back in front of a tv or computer or out of the house, when that happens.
So why don't I say my brachas?
It's not that I don't want to.
It's just that I'm not programmed to.
And partly lazy.

why I'm not an aidel maidel

as you may have heard... i had a mini-flip during my time in seminary.

I call it a mini-flip, because I pretty much came home the same person I left. I definitely learned a lot, became really inspired and made some hachlatahs in the Holy Land, but I also didn't lose something very important to me - my personality!

What are the top three ways that you know your flipped-out friend is either a) going to flip back or b) is faking it:

# 1 your friend loses their personality and tries to personify an "aidel maidel" or a "shtarkie".

# 2 your friend starts speaking with a Yeshivish/Bais Yacov accent

#3 your friend asks you not to speak Lashon Harah around them (resulting in convos about men/women in the parsha, rather than men/women in her/his life)

Ok, I guess I can understand #3, even if we now have nothing in common anymore and I'd rather watch paint dry than talk to my friend on the phone.

But who are we kidding? You grew up with this person, and remember how this person was the "rebel" in your high school and always fought with the teachers and was the reason the school made your class listen to a lecture on shomer negiah.

People can change. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be more machmir.

But you can still be a maidel without the aidel! and that's why I'm MM!