happy v-day?

so I know that we're technically not supposed to celebrate....

but wasn't today a great excuse for eating chinese?

:)
(happy lunar year to my asian friends!)


about Valentine's....
if your significant other doesn't do anything nice for you today,
is he really holy
or just a cheap shmuck?

i hope he doesn't read this...

This guy in shul told me I looked like a doll.
I hope he hasn't seen my mm profile pic....

real housewives of flatbush - coming soon!

I wish.... I would totally watch! Would you?

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, there's a BravoTV series that follows the lives of several housewives (they sometimes do have jobs), often be-wigged, often heavily botoxed, almost always 'nouveau riche' (having class does not get you on this show) who live extremely superficial lives inside a strange little world of breast implants, orange tans and cat-fights. The show is a trainwreck you can't help but get addicted to.

Can't be too hard to find five Flatbush women who fit the bill....

For more info, click here.

Should we be settling for Mr./Miss Good Enough ?

Time Magazine recently featured an interview with journalist Lori Gottlieb who has a new book entitled Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. (buy it here on Amazon for only $15.17).

While I haven't read the book, the title is seemingly conclusive enough that I don't have to spend money I could otherwise squander on tomorrow's sushi lunch.

I read a little bit about the author - apparently she's (still) single in her 40s, decided to have a child on her own rather than wait (forever) for Mr. Right, and wrote this book as a warning to all young women that Prince Charming is just a Disney fiction (what a novel idea) and that some of those 'toads' we so easily throw back into the pond are actually our best bet at achieving our Happily Ever After's.

The author uses her life as an example of what not to do. She claims that women have a tendency to find flaws with every potential date, and that we should not let this get in the way of finding happiness. (lest we end up lonely and bitter like her) She claims that settling is in fact the answer (perhaps to the shidduch crisis).


I hate the term 'settling'. It's pretty demeaning to all parties involved I think (the person who has settled, and the person who is being settled for). However, according to a recent episode of How I Met Your Mother (I think I'm the only female watching), in every couple there's a 'reacher' and a 'settler' - one person who marries 'up' (I think that could apply physically, intellectually or financially) and another who 'settles' on someone a 'step down'. I don't know how true that is - some spouses are equally ugly.

Mechitzahs & Talleisim - an MO love story

One of the best reasons to go to an MO shul is for the view. You just don't get the same buzz going to a tiny shtiebel where the women's section is somewhere behind floor-to-ceiling bookcases, a concrete wall or thick curtains that never move.
I've been to a few shtiebels where the women sit upstairs in a converted two-family house with only a small hole in the floor and if you strain your ears enough you can almost make out every third word of Kriyas HaTorah. The truth is, you often do get your best davening done in those shtiebelach (unless some nosy shadchan decides to sit next to you and takes the opportunity to try to find out what your father does for a living).
But there are times when you feel like getting all dolled up for shul, and an audience of middle-aged yentas just isn't doing it for you.
When you know you're looking your best, it's way more fun to go an MO shul with a Soloveichik-style mechitzah - it's like the kosher version of a nightclub - you get to see and be seen.
You know what I'm talking about - the number one reason people go to shul is for social reasons (I will admit that might hold more true for women, as we don't have the same obligation to daven with a minyan - so maybe it's number two for men... why else would kiddush clubs exist?).
Sometimes I do get tired of the show - I've actually written about that before. (surely you've read every post I've ever written? All 500-and-counting, right? If not, here it is.) So I don't let myself indulge too often - but when I do, I try to make it worthwhile.
Great views are not only exclusive to MO shuls. One of the best seats a girl will ever get is at the Karliner Shul in Meah Shearim (who woulda thunk!). There the women sit upstairs behind a one-way mirror so that they can watch the men scream out the Shema (they literally yell at the top of their lungs) without risk of being seen. (although, that view is more amusing than gratifying)

The most gratifying Shabboses happen when there's a new cute non-tallis-wearing Potential in town. I really feel for my Sephardi and Yekki friends with this one. Catching the eye of a hot guy only to discover he's only in shul for his daughter's baby naming can be quite a letdown. Why else was the tallis mandated by G-d if not to shield vulnerable young women from similar awkward situations?
Unfortunately nothing can prepare a girl who's still waiting for her beshert for the heartbreak that happens when she makes eye-contact with a total Potential (as she designs her wedding dress in her head during Shacharis) only to discover that - SHOCKER - it's his Aufruf.
Where is this post going? (Sometimes I forget because on here I tend to I write the way I think - which is one huge rambling mess.)
So ya - anyhow - my point is that sometimes a low mechitzah in an MO shul can be the answer to a single girl's prayers (maybe she remembered to say Shir HaShirim for 40 days straight).

parshas yitro

Don't forget to go to shul people! This Shabbos we're reading the 10 Commandments - so make sure you wake up in time to hear them!

A very nice Dvar Torah I heard from a very nice Rebbetzin today:

Last week's Parsha began with the words " וַיְהִי בְּשַׁלַּח פַּרְעֹה"  - and Pharoah let Bnai Yisrael go.
This week's Parsha begins with "וַיִּשְׁמַע יִתְרוֹ" - and Yitro heard.
It's interesting that the two Parshas that ultimately culminate in Bnai Yisroel receiving the Torah start with people who are not part of our nation. Two people who couldn't be more different in their approaches to 'yiddishkeit'. And the way that each Parsha begins reflects their approaches.  
Hearing is a way in which you take something that is exterior to you, and you then internalize and process and understand it. It is the opposite of letting something go - where you take something that you once internalized and discard it.
Hearing is also a spiritual sense. According to the Lubavitcher Rebbe, the only way that a person can internalize Hashem and spirituality is by 'hearing' - you cannot see Hashem or spirituality firsthand - but you can talk about it and discuss it, listen to shiurs about it, and by doing so, understand it. The only time that we experienced Hashem by 'seeing' is at Har Sinai where it says "וְכָל הָעָם רֹאִים אֶת הַקּוֹלֹת"  - and Bnai Yisrael saw the Voices.

looking for your bashert?

The adorable Yoni Shenkman is organizing a new shidduch group, in his words, "to set up fellow yidin who have yet (to) locate their bashert." So far, he claims he's made one match - and wants to help you help him make some more. (he's a little concerned about getting into heaven)

To get on his list of 'highly eligible singles'- email Yoni at yonishenkman@gmail.com.

worth a watch - black hebrews make music

I was sitting on the bus on the way to Eilat one summer making conversation with this guy in front of me. Turned out he was a Black Hebrew who lived In Dimona. It was probably one of the most interesting conversations of my life - I had never heard of the group before. And then I came across this video on YouTube. Enjoy.

MO dating: a sociological study

This article basically sums it all up.

(Thank you to Ezzie for posting it)

could new british law create gay orthodox rabbis?

I rarely write about current events - not because I'm not informed, but rather because the last thing this world needs is yet another outlet for depressing news stories. But then this morning I came across this article on the CNN website that I thought was MM-worthy, if only because it brought up a point that could possibly be pertinent to the 'frum community'.

So to sum up the article - basically, there's this Equality Bill that is pending in British Parliament which would effectively end discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation (as well as gender and race, etc). The catholic pope got upset because this would mean that the church could be prosecuted for turning down gay priesthood candidates. British government then countered by amending the legislation to give certain allowances when it comes to priests and ministers - but not other staff members. Feel free to read the bill yourself, if you're legal-minded.

Anyhow - whether or not this bill becomes law, with whatever amendments made to it - an interesting issue has been brought up that no doubt we will probably come across sometime soon on this side of the Atlantic. What happens then?

worth a watch - MJ comes back to the Philippines

To celebrate the DVD release of the late Michael Jackson documentary This Is It, Jackson's choreographer Travis Payne and dancers Daniel Celebre and Dres Reid went to the Cebu Provincial Dentention and Rehabilitation Center and staged this FANTASTIC dance tribute to the pop star with 1500 inmates to "They Don't Really Care About Us."

when being from out-of-town is great

I recently was set up with a guy who lives halfway across the country from me. I spoke to him on the phone and knew at once that he wasn't my type. I know, I know, I really should give a guy a chance. But sometimes it does pay to follow your gut  - and when something about a guy's voice gives you the creeps, there's a good chance that seeing his face might too.

Apparently the Shadchan told him that I was still living in my hometown. Which isn't exactly driveable in one date night from where this guy lives. Truth is, he often flies into the city where I am now. But I didn't exactly tell him that. I let him think that I was still back home, and probably not visiting NY anytime soon, and said something like 'oh, well, guess this won't work out' when we spoke last. 

Is that b%tchy of me? Or is geography a great reason to break it off?