Monday, April 20, 2009

the only boys with beitzim

Maybe you read this post I wrote a while ago where I questioned whether Jewish boys have beitzim...
I was at a Jewish singles event not too long ago - ok, so technically it wasn't a singles event, and there were marrieds there too, and while any event that describes itself as being for 'singles' has me running the other way, I think it's time to face reality - any Jewish get-together where people are of a certain age and where there is alcohol present is automatically a chance for unattached youth (can I still call myself that? grownups know how to pay taxes and get their oil changed and I certainly am helpless in both regards) to meet and mingle and scope out the opposite sex.
Wow, that sure was a long paragraph about nothing.
Ok, so at the aforesaid event, I was quite nicely surprised to witness several Jewish boys with actual beitzim in their pants. Jewish boys who weren't scared to walk up to cute girls and introduce themselves. Buy a girl a drink. Maybe even ask for a phone number. I know - shocking right?
Welll.... here's the thing....

It seemed like the only guys with actual beitzim were the guys that the average cute Jewish girl would never give their time of day to - or maybe even run away from.

I know, I know - I have a lot of readers who vouch for the Jewish nerd. And while I will say that sometimes there is a certain charm to your Seth Cohen, Seth Rogen or Ross Gellar look-alike, the nerd/weirdo I refer to is that of the Woody Allen variety (i'm sure you heard about that whole American Apparel spiel). My bestie Shaindy is probably shaking her head right now in disagreement, as she is rather partial to the director of Annie Hall. But in my books, unless that socially awkward shmuck has won or is on his way to winning an Oscar (Woody excluded) or a Nobel Prize (they never seem to win Grammys do they?), then a creep he is.

(Important side note - Creeps do not necessarily = Socially Awkward Jewish Boys. There are plenty of cuties that turn creepy too. But for the purposes of this dissertation, and by the length of this post, I probably should get this thing APA'd and published, let's just not go there.)

So why does it seem as though the only boys with beitzim are the ones we try to avoid?

This very nice older gentleman drove me home that night (when I say he was older, I mean that he was born when there were still discos) and we talked about the whole shidduch crisis - what else do people talk about in NY. He mentioned that he couldn't understand how with all these events, and with so many young people concentrated in certain areas of the city, that it seems like no one is getting married.

Definitely not a new topic of discussion. And definitely, many have tried to give reasons for this dilemma.

I just told him and the other boys in the car that they better get a move on it. Looks like the Seths are giving them some good competition.


Moshe said...

Still confused about the type of guys you're referring to...

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

The very reason timid fellows are afraid to approach girls is because the girl might consider them the kind of guy they would "want to run away from". Better safe than sorry man..

lars sahlom said...

groovy post

Anonymous said...

I'm still confused about how you can be so frum and eidel and still use the word 'beitzim", which is not only a word one wouldn't use in English in mixed company, it's a word the gamara no less says not to use because of tznius! (The Talmud tractate by that name is called "bayah" instead, for that reason)

Maidel said...

did I say I was an aidel maidel? i'm pretty sure I didn't....

Moshe said...

Hey anonymous, how about having the beitzim to use your name if you got something to say.

Yoni said...

I am siding on the guys' side with this one. I was once one of those awkward types, and after many frustrated attempts, I just decided to work on myself. Young Jewish men just need to work on the "whole person concept," as we call it in the Air Force. It's very effective.

Implodium said...

It is funny you wrote about this. About 2 years ago I had an argument with a friend. She said no guys ever approach girls.. they're shy.. (the dateable types anyways) and I argued that guys don't approach girls because they get shot down, and hence it's led to guys not asking girls.

So we made a bet... I was to make a minimum of 3 attempts to asking random girls out.

The rules..

1. The girls in question, I have to not know at all.
2. I have to think they're attractive.
3. I can only ask out girls who I think (from first impressions) could be real potential. (No monkey business, and no messing around with someone else's emotions)

If she is right, they'll say yes, then I owe my friend a slurpi. If I am able to actually form a relationship with the girl in question, then I also owe my friend a sushi dinner and her restaurant of choice.

If I was right, and the girl would say no.. I get the sushi dinner.. and if the girl said yes but later backed out or gave a fake/wrong number then I would just receive a slurpi.

Trial 1. Simchas Torah 2006.. I met a girl.. didn't get the chance, but knew her friend who got me her contact, after yom tov I then asked.. and She said "yes"..

She however would not confirm a date, and seemed very mocking during our conversation... I finally made the decision to believe that she was yanking my chain, and so I never contacted her a second time.

Trial 2. Met a girl in the cafeteria at University.. realized I could ask her out.. planned to the next day. Next day rolls around I find out she switched into the very same course sitting with myself and a friend. I didn't want to go through an awkward semester if it didn't work out, and so I put this girl out of my mind.

Trial 3. Went to a wedding in Chicago, met a girl seated at my table, towards the end of the evening i asked her out.. she said "yes". We went out for a month or two.. didn't work out in the end, for normal reasons.

Bottom Line. since I was successful with at least 1 girl, I owed my friend the sushi dinner, and a slurpi. I also got a slurpi out of this due to girl#1.

I also learnt two lessons...

1. Guys really don't get rejected all too often unless they really come off insecure, we can and should approach girls in proper conditions/places. That being said, I have never gone up to and asked another girl out since then.. decided to wait till I was old enough to start the shiduch scene.. currently mixed into that.. I'm considering asking the next 'potential' girl I meet.. could be fun.

2. Never ever, NOT call a girl because you think she is yanking your chain... I bumped into girl from trial#1 months later... she apparently was very pissed off that I never contacted her a second time. The girl now hates me, and thinks pretty low of me.. (two dumb buddies mentioned the date-bet/scheme to her as she was storming out... and they didn't know all the details... )

oh and lesson 3. never date for a bet.. looks reeeaaallly bad.