Monday, December 1, 2008

do jewish boys have beitzim?

If so? Where are they?

This Jewish guy I met this Shabbos is your typical ModOrth UWS single professional type who is desperate to get married. He didn't say he was desperate - but cmon, he lives on the UWS, and he says he doesn't sleep around. (but then, who knows!)

One of his good friends is this girl who would be PERFECT for him. They have awesome chemistry, are perfectly compatible height, look and religious-wise. And they're both single! So what's going on here? Why doesn't he make a move. It's not like they're SUCH good friends that they risk losing something if it doesn't work out. I know that if the guy made a move, the girl would probably be interested. But girls don't like to make the first move. Nor should they have to.

Jewish boys need Beitzim.


Jacob Da Jew said...

Unfortuately, dear Maidel, YOU need to update your stereotypes.

News Flash: Not all men can be decisive and dominant and not all women are submissive and just "play along".

Some of my friends were waffling when it came to pop the big Q and the girl did it.

Plenty of couples have the woman playing the dominant role.

Jessica said...

I made the first move with my (now) husband. Granted it was over the internet, but still. If you know both of them, why don't you suggest it to each of them? Maybe it never actually crossed their minds.

Anonymous said...

You've made the first move before... :)
And yeah, Jacob is right. Guys tend to be more fragile and worried about being shot down, so they'll not take the risk sometimes.

Let me put it this way, have you ever seen a guy get all tore up about a girl? He can have a job, friends, none of it means anything if he can't have that girl. Well thats how women feel about shoes.

Maidel said...

Jacob and Frum - both of you just proved my point that Jewish guys dont have the balls to ask a girl out. Guys should chase girls - not the other way around!

I guarantee you that no girl sits around dreaming about the day she has to propose to some guy who doesn't have the nerve to do it himself.

If a non-J boy can walk up to a girl he's never met in a club and start dancing with her, Jewish boys should be able to do something too!

Jacob Da Jew said...

Maidel: Actually, I did not prove your point.

This issue of " Jewish boys " etc is nonsense. Plenty of "none-J" guys have no "balls" to ask a girl out. Its not an exclusive "Jewish" thing at all.

And yes, I have none-jewish friends too.

Once again, please cure yourself of your fallacious stereotyping, whether its exclusively about Jewish men or men in general.

What I am saying, and I think you've missed the point, is that men and women can not be dumped into a box and labeled as "dominant" and "submissive".We all run the spectrum.

Indeed, men might TEND to be in control (or so they think :P) and women "the silent partner. But lets not stereotype.

Whether you choose to acknowledge your illogical statement is up to you...

I'm betting not.

Larissa said...

hahaha great post maidel!

sooooo true!

why cant men be men?

Miri said...

Guys-if a girl would take the reins in a relationship, the girl is thought to be "desperate" or "contorlling" which apparently are both major turn offs for guys. am i wrong?

Anonymous said...

Miri: You are wrong. Controlling is one thing, but we like it for a girl to show an active interest in going forward. At least show you're interested enough so we dont feel the risk of getting shot down so much.

Fear of getting shot down is the number one reason for inertia on the guys part.

Miri said...

frum-I've heard that boys-whether Jewish or not-unconsciously need girls to "play games" and feign disinterest. The minute a girl shows an ounce of interest a guy usually loses all interest. So any way you look at it, a girl showing interest is BAD-at risk of looking desperate, controlling, or of scaring the boy (without beitzim) away. Obviously this is NOT directed at all boys, so for you boys that refuse to play games, good for you!

Anonymous said...

Miri: I hate to think where you get your information on the inner workings of guys from.
Is this supposed to be something about "the thrill of the chase"?

Miri said...

Frum-I got my information from the inner-workings of MANY guys' minds.

how do I know what its supposed to be about? I'm a girl, and one that doesnt like games.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Being a psychic must be an incredible talent, yet also something of a burden, I'd imagine. So all these guys minds told you that guys like girls who don't show any interest as a way of showing interest? Incredible.

Maidel said...

ooooh i like a heated comment board!

NotaGeek! said...

They all have beitzim...
Its how you use them that makes the difference.

Miri said...

Yes, all this mindreading can cause migraines sometimes...right now my magic ball is telling me that physical pain is in your near future due to your incredible sarcasm.

do you mean to tell me that boys dont fall for "the game"? That if a girl acted interested, the guy would still be as intrigued as when a girl acts aloof and disinterested? Most of my guy friends tell me the opposite (through words, not ESP, in case you were wondering). Are you an exception to the rule?

Miss S. said...

Hmmm...I like deviled eggs! :-D

Moshe said...

I'll bet this is the reason

Japan's version of Valentine's Day is awesome. It's the girls, not the guys, who are supposed to give chocolate, preferably homemade, and confess their feelings.

BaruchAttta said...

To Moshe
Yes, that's Japan.
We have Tu B'Av too.
How bout Sadie Hawkins days (maybe I am dating myself here)
Summing up: Plenty of ways a girl can make a move.
As for baitzim let me check....yep, still got em.
Baruch Atta

Jack said...

Guys should chase girls - not the other way around!


The Babysitter said...

I never heard the word beitzim before.

I've always heard that men have the fear of commitment, so it makes sense that they wouldn't want to jump into marriage.

This is why I think it's good for there to be a shadchan, cause then you can both be on the same page, without one hurting the other or being afraid to go forward.

Just something that might solve this question. We learned that the reason why the mitzvah of having children is given to the men is because it wouldn't be tznius for woman to go out and find men to have children with, it would be like their making themselves into "whore's". So it is the man's job to do the finding and get the girl.

Having said that, I don't like the whole idea of the chase, where a guy would just do it for the excitement, and then once the girl is interested he would become aloof. I would hope that doesn't exist in real life life. It's a very low level, superficial, and probably not worth it. SO if the guy would become like that, then it's the perfect test, so I would say the girl should show interest and then she will know if the guy is worth it. Why be interested in a guy who's only interested in the chase?