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So my non-Jewish co-worker, Ruby, was telling me about this guy who is into her, but who she isn't sure she likes. she thinks he's been a little too pushy and not too smooth in trying to make his move. but she said he is kinda cute, so maybe she will give it a try.
she also let me know that he is a father... yup, he's only 23 but he's got two kids. in fact, one of his kids is only 4 months old.
When she told me that, i was like "WHAAT, ok, stay AWAY!" - right? A normal reaction, in my opinion. I mean, his ex-gf practically just gave birth and yet he's already looking for someone else. (baby momma #3 perhaps?) Why would any decent girl want to deal with all that baggage?
But I think Ruby was more shocked by my reaction than I was by the idea that she would consider being a part of this scenario.
BTW - I do understand that sometimes people get divorced and have kids while they are still young. It's really unfortunate. But to make no commitment to 2+ people and have kids is something that should only happen on Jerry Springer.
Ruby was shocked that I wouldn't go for a guy with kids. But really, I'm only in my early 20's, and while I would maybe consider it under special circumstances, normally, I don't go for no baby daddies. Is that so wrong?
she also let me know that he is a father... yup, he's only 23 but he's got two kids. in fact, one of his kids is only 4 months old.
When she told me that, i was like "WHAAT, ok, stay AWAY!" - right? A normal reaction, in my opinion. I mean, his ex-gf practically just gave birth and yet he's already looking for someone else. (baby momma #3 perhaps?) Why would any decent girl want to deal with all that baggage?
But I think Ruby was more shocked by my reaction than I was by the idea that she would consider being a part of this scenario.
BTW - I do understand that sometimes people get divorced and have kids while they are still young. It's really unfortunate. But to make no commitment to 2+ people and have kids is something that should only happen on Jerry Springer.
Ruby was shocked that I wouldn't go for a guy with kids. But really, I'm only in my early 20's, and while I would maybe consider it under special circumstances, normally, I don't go for no baby daddies. Is that so wrong?
6 comments:
My husband has a co-worker (also non Jewish) who has a brother, not much older than the fellow you describe, who has more children than that, all from different women, some less than 9 months apart (YOU figure it out...).
We refer to him as "Johnny Appleseed" :)
Oh Maidel, this so common, particular in the African-American community. I've had four black women on four separate occasions (all in unprompted conversations BTW) tell me that its hard to find an available black man "without priors or priors." Apparently this means a prior criminal record or prior children. These women were all in their late 20s/early 30s.
I know woman who has two different children by two different men; she wasn't married to either one of them. One of the fathers has a child with another woman who has five other children by five other men. That's six children by six different fathers! When I jokingly asked why she'd want to have baby with this man, said said this is normal- most of her friends have two or three children, each by different men and, according to her, unfortunately very few of these fathers (in her circles) actually raise, or even financially support, their children.
I could write a book, but I'll save that for someone in the AA community to do.
it's pretty sad.
Ruby isn't black though.
I live in Quebec. The statistics for unwed parents are the highest in the country/North America. A lot of my coworkers are "happily unmarried" to the fathers of their children. The majority are still in a relationship with the father of the kids, but a lot are not. Apperently a lot of these unwed couples even planned the pregnacies, but never got married, either because they don't believe in the "institution of marriage", they were already commited to one another or a wedding was not worth the bother and expense.
I know that it's pretty common, though I'm not sure that I've met many people in that situation, and no, I don't think it's wrong that you don't want a baby daddy..I think you deserve someone better.
wow 4 months old is young, that means he hasn't been divorced for that long yet. I would say that's too quick for him to start looking again.
I agree with you, you don't need all that baggage. Its up to you if your willing to do it or not. But its not wrong on your part if you decline such a person for those reasons.
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