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Lots of 'Out of Town' girls rant about the fact that boys from the Tri-State rarely venture out for dates. I'm pretty sure even I have a post or two on here about that (feel free to dig into my MM past and let me know if you find anything juicy).
But to be honest, I've since realized that I MUCH prefer being the one to travel to meet a Potential.
Reason #1 - Do I really want to let every single boy I've ever dated into my house? I wouldn't mind if some of those boys forgot my name, let alone my address. Seriously - when I travel for dates, I'm much happier meeting a guy at his car rather than in my living room.
#2 - I don't do the whole 'meet the parents' shtick on the first date. It's just not my thing. Call me 'modern', but isn't that a little retro? (think Pleasantville)
#3 - I like being the one in control. If I don't like a guy, I say I'm heading home the next day. No joke.
#4 - Control issues again. I hate feeling obligated to go on a second date because I feel bad that this boy came all the way from wherever just to meet me.
#5 - I like taking mini vacations. When I travel for dates, I make sure to get in tons of shopping, meetings with friends, etc at the same time!
I wish I could round this out into some sort of cute Top 10 list. But that's all I got right now. What are your thoughts?
Monday, April 19, 2010
why I travel for dates
love, Maidel at 12:05 AM
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7 comments:
I nevr travel outside of New York proper (by which I mean Brooklyn and Manhattan). What's the point? If things get serious do you expect me to travel every day? Every other day? every week? It's just too difficult.
When a guy travels to "out of town" he sometimes expects you to plan the date. "so. . what do you want to do?"
I know what you mean about feeling obligated to go out again after the fellow's effort. Sometimes I travel (to another borough) to meet him so I don't feel compelled to pay for my dinner. But that's only in cases when I know the date is gonna blow. If all goes well, I have no problem having him pay/travel his way, for some reason.
I like reasons 3 & 4 the best. I am also into controlling the situation.
At first I thought your reasons are all selfish, but then I realized:
- You're saving the guy the time, cost and hassle of travel and accommodation arrangements.
- You're allowing him to date in his natural habitat (with all implications thereof).
- He's in a much more supportive environment, i.e. he can come back from each date and meet with his parents, Rav, friends etc. to sort out his feelings. Meanwhile, until you're back home you're limited to communicating through your cellphone.
- If you're away from home for weekdays, you're missing work while he can still get work done.
- Since you're the one in control, he's not stuck wondering "should I stay or should I go now..."
I don't like doing it for a first date, depending on where you are meeting it can be awkward making sure you recognize somebody you've never actually met. Also, sorry, maybe this is kind of old-fashioned and too Rules oriented but I do think the guy should be the one to travel for a first date. (Not that there aren't ever exceptions.) I think it just starts the relationship off differently, depending on who is more actively pursuing the other.
For a second date, it's okay. Especially if I already have doubts as to it continuing further, I don't feel so bad bec. I didn't make him go out of his way when I know it is very likely I will say no to a third date. Plus it gives me the travel time back to analyze the date without any pressure from walking back into my house and immediately having to report back to various family members.
I've only done it as a single day trip, though. I can't take off work to turn it into a mini-vacation (I don't think I'd even enjoy it anyway).
Very interesting. As an out of towner dating in and around New York without a car, I've never actually done the meet the parents on a first date in over 2 years of dating. Your reasons make a lot of sense though - an interesting twist on the typical response.
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