Sunday, August 9, 2009

i did something really bad

For the first time in a long time, I showed some serious skin.

I don't know what I was thinking.

It must have been the alcohol. (although I'm pretty sure my Strawberry Daiquiri was virgin)

Maybe it was peer pressure.

But my mind keeps going back to that night where I did that horrible deed and let everyone see my goods.

I'm talking elbows.

For some reason the various cleavage-slips I've had post seminary never guilt-tripped me the way this incident has. Maybe because those aren't usually intentional... (not consciously at least. Freud might have argued otherwise)

Sure there have been numerous occasions where I've actually shown my ENTIRE forearm (and even shoulders) but it was always in a justifiable context - ie at the beach, at a slumber party, my house...

But since Sem, my array of T-shirts has taken permanent residence in the bottom drawer of my dresser alongside my jeans. (maybe I should give those away so that someone with lesser means may wear my castoffs - but it really wouldn't be a mitzvah to make someone wear boot-cuts when skinny jeans are in. And besides - maybe one day I'll need those in case I go horseback riding or camping, right?.... lol ok, who am I kidding!)

So the other day I was hanging out in the park, wearing a cute dress and a cute cardigan over it.
And then it got hot. Really hot. So off my Banana Republic sweater went. And that's when I elbow-flashed the crowd for the first time in a while.

Should I feel bad about this? Does this mean I'm going to have to bring up one more thing on Yom Kippur? Does showing elbow = Sinning?

Maybe I'm taking this whole ordeal a little too far... Laws of tznius aren't D'oraisa are they? And it's not like it's a mitzvah to cover your knees... It's a minhag, no? This is when I wish I had more friends who went to Brovenders or are in the YU smicha program...

Ok - halacha aside.... is this gonna ruin my shidduch rep?


Child אִישׁ Behavior said...

you are kidding, right? :) cause that was funny.

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

Yeah, I'm also not sure if this was meant in seriousness, but: Some would say that the laws of tzniut aren't etched in stone, but are very dependant on the norms of the society one finds themselves in (yet it should be said that the exposure of the torso seems to be more "etched" than the upper arms/legs).

Ezzie said...

"Lesser level of hell"

V'hamavin yavin

chanie said...

It's not about shidduch opportunities. The guy you get is the guy you attract...and if it's by showing your elbows or dressing're marrying someone who either appreciates your tznius or your lack thereof.

So....forget the shidduch issue, and look at your priorities. I personally would not have wanted to marry a guy who dated girls with short-sleeve dresses- because that says something about what he finds tznius and what he finds attractive. That's not the kind of person who I want to live with for the rest of my life.

But hey, we date[d] different kinds of guys, whatever you want, and whatever you feel is right. Don't worry about shidduchim- unless you realize with a jerk that you want the chareidi, and he won't want you.

If you think it's really bad, then find out what you can do to avoid it- and shape up. If you want encouragement, I'm glad to give it. Thinking you did something bad is step one. Now you have to figure out what to do with that feeling. You can either take it or leave it. Up to you...and hatzlacha in finding your zivug. :)

Miri said...


ben said...

Your Ain't No Sunshine" is from Ziggy Marley

Lvnsm27 said...

lol :)funny

I prefer to be tznius so people concentrate on Me and not my body.
Anyway, I like clothes that are both modest and stylish, it's a good mix.
many of us want to do whatever, it's understandable.
Here's a good way to encourage ourself with Any Mitzvah like shabbos for ex, think about the positive spir impact on our neshama and the world.

Moshe said...

Wait, elbows? What about elbows? Elbows are a turn on? I'm sure there's an elbow fetish...somewhere...with elbow fetish magazines with centerpage foldout pictures of elbows...
And I'm sure there are little green men reading those magazines...

Jewish Side of Babysitter said...

It's funny because I have a shirt or two that sorta shrunk in the wash, so when I wear it, it just covers my elbow, and lots of times rides up. I remember being in class, and when I raised my hand, I would pull on the bottom of my shirt so that it wouldn't go up, but then my sleeve would go and show my elbow, I never thought about it much, figuring no one was paying attention anyways. But maybe this is a message for me to be more careful, and maybe stop wearing that shirt.

Gavi said...

Pretty much all of the laws of tznius are derabbanan, apart from married woman's hair covering, which is deoray'sa.

They are still important, and are binding halacha for every Jew.

הצעיר שלמה בן רפאל לבית שריקי ס"ט said...

Gavi: Check me out, man:

Cheryl said...

You need to decide what kind of guy you want.
Example: I was in Chicago visiting a friend and I had a first date setup while there. The day before the date, I borrowed a pair of pants from my friend to go out. I was paranoid that this guy would see me and that would be the end of it. My friend told me I was nuts.
And she was right b/c this guy was THE guy and the guy for me could not care less what I wore as long as I was a good person in most ways. My now husband care more about how I treat ppl and what's in my heart than the clothes I wear.
P.S. I now wear pants on a regular basis b/c that's what I'm comfortable with (and head covered outside my home).