Thursday, March 12, 2009

just a flirt

I think my last post needs a follow up. So here goes!

Is it ok to be a flirt?

One night in seminary, my friend (on her way to true BT-hood) and I were flirting with some cute Israeli boys at the local pizza shop. They were cute. We were flattered by the male attention (something you don't find - or rather shouldn't find - in an all-girls seminary). We told them to meet us later in the park in the back of our dorms. We later learned that it was in that park that those cute Israeli boys would watch us through the dorm windows getting dressed and prancing around in our pjs and nightgowns (apparently some girls think nighties are more tznius, but I'll save that for another post....).

Anyhow - where was I (sorry, sem memories get me sidetracked) - what I remember most about that night with the boys was how later, as my friend and I walked home, she told me how she felt so disgusted with herself for having acted in such a 'goyish' (her word, not mine) manner, and how we hadn't conducted ourselves in the way of true Bas Yisroels. I just thought we'd had a lot of fun.

Did the guys actually think we'd hook up with them later that night? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe they were used to getting teased by flirty sem girls.

But was it wrong for us to flirt? To be teases?

(Anonymous - maybe the Oxford English would not recognize the word 'Tease' as a Noun, but colloquially, I think it works)

There have been times where I have felt horrible about my behavior. I remember throwing up once after a particularly sketchy incident (although it might have been the alcohol). Nope. Not sharing that story with you. MM needs to keep some of her secrets....

13 comments:

NotaGeek! said...

If it's wrong what you did, that's a some what complicated question...
It would depend whom you ask, and on the level of frumkeit you observe.

There's nothing wrong what you did... But there's always a what if...

EsPes said...

lol at ur note to anon...

katrina said...

It is perfectly acceptable to use "tease" as a noun, MM. It's a colloquial use.
As to the flirting, I tend to think it's normal. You didn't have any intention to do anything wrong. There are some types of frumkeit that would still frown on that, and if you want to be in that camp, that is up to you, but I don't think that you are. Combining flirting with alcohol, however, is something I don't recommend b/c then you're not thinking straight.

chanie said...

Flirting is normal, but if he thought that perhaps you were serious, then you were wrong to do it. Playing with someone else's feelings is not okay. (This applies to those placed on the shidduch market by their parents, who aren't ready or willing to commit. It's not nice, and it's not fair.)

On the other hand, if it was obvious to him, as well, that you were just flirting for the fun of it (perhaps you'd need to ask), then I have nothing to say on it.


But the feelings issue is a biggie. And that's all I have to say, shocking as it is for a Chareidi.

Miri said...

Good times, maidel, good times. The memory always cracks me up, without fail.

Shorty said...

Having gone to university, lived a less than modest lifestyl, there is a fine line between flirting and teasing.

Chatting, giggling = flirting
inviting to meet you later and standing them up = teasing.

teasing can be dangerous. Although flirting is far more innocent because it usually just involved idle chatter, teasing may just about tick someone off.

I admit, Hashem has bailed me out of a couple of rather sticky situations in university...and they could have ended far worse, because of "teasing".

Be very careful my dear of who you invite so close to your dorm. If they have been getting the peep show for a while, they may be tempting to try out the real thing, whether you really want them to or not.

Perhaps its obvious to you that there is no way you would meet up with them later, to stupid horny guy, they might not realize that. or maybe they do, but they want to teach you a lesson.

Data said...

First one post about being prudish, then one about being a flirt? Isn't that an oxymoron?

Anonymous said...

< I remember throwing up once after a particularly sketchy incident (although it might have been the alcohol). Nope. Not sharing that story with you. >

OMG! That was YOU?

Yossi G.

Anonymous said...

israeli boys? i guess you were playing with fire, especially if you consumed alcohol and showed them where you live..

Moshe said...

It was absolutely wrong.
Flirting and not putting out could've caused them to end up in a hospital due to blue balls. It could also lead to sterility.
These are all proven facts and what you did was very, very bad.

Jessica said...

If you're attracted to someone I don't see how it's possibly not to be flirty with them. At the same time, I don't think that flirting with someone means that you want to, to put it in a nice way, not be shomer nagiya when they're around. So, to answer your original question; Yes. It is okay to be a flirt.

Anonymous said...

Where you in the same sem as me?! We also found out that the guys used to watch us in our pjs from the park behind our dorms..

Sem is a really weird time because you are just with girls for an entire year so anytime anyone comes in contact with a guy major flirting begins..

It really used to annoy me though because I would go out with my sem friends and they would chat up some guys and we would just chat and have a laugh but then at a later date if those guys passed us in the street when other girls were around my friends would ignore them. That pissed me off. That always happens to me though - my friends would start the flirting and I would end up being friends with the guys long after my friends decided to ignore them since all of a sudden it was "wrong" to chat to guys... I dont have a problem with girls who dont talk to guys but i do have a problem with girls who treat guys as if they dont have any feelings at all.

LG said...

Isn't it possible to interact with guys and not flirt? Whatever happened to just being polite?

Is there something wrong with flirting? It might be hard to pin down an exact issur. But is it right? That's really what you're asking, and if you are, you probably know the answer is "not really."