Thursday, February 26, 2009

in the driver's seat

My friend Faigie recently told me about a third date she went on where she had to drive. Because the guy did not own a car (and lived Out of Town), on their first date, he rented a car, on their second date, they each took town cars, and on the third date she just gave up and decided to take her own car.
Turned out that he expected her to chauffeur him around (from his friend's house, to his bubbie's place, to another friend's sheva brachos) - but he did pay for gas.
My friend, being the laid back, sweet-natured girl who didn't mind spending time with a guy she thought was a riot and kinda cute, apparently didn't mind being his taxi driver during their 'date' (can you really call it that?).
She did mind though that he would suddenly go psycho on her and start laughing hysterically for no reason, and then the next second get into an intense conversation about life and how she felt spiritually about certain issues (when I seriously suggested that maybe he was on drugs - or needed some -she just laughed. But then, she also just learned that 'crack' is not a type of alcohol - she's a very good BY girl).
So, aside from the fact that this date seems to be a very very special case (I hope, for the sake of all single girls out there), is it ok for a girl to drive... on a date that is?
Should we embrace women's lib and get behind the wheel?
Or is it ok to want to play up our feminine rights to be driven and dined by our date?

16 comments:

tnspr569 said...

If the guy is from out of town and simply can't get a hold of a car (without spending several hundred dollars for a 24 hour period - maybe), then I don't think it's so terrible if the girl drives. Cars can't always be borrowed or rented...

Honestly Frum said...

When my wife and I were dating she drove most of the time. She had a car, I did not so she drove. Simple arrangement. Sometimes I would drive her car. I always paid for parking. Why is there something wrong with a girl driving? Woman are liberated, perhaps it's time they start picking up part of the tab as well (after the third date of course) :-) .

Moshe said...

What's wrong is that the guy didn't offer to share whatever he was on.

fakewood inc. said...

i have to agree with moshe there share the schorah.

Anonymous said...

Is your problem that she drove on a date? In that case, I think it is definitely fine for the girl to do the driving if she has a car and he doesn't. On the other hand, if what you were bothered by is the fact that she was basically a taxi service for him, I do think that is really weird, but I'm equal opportunity, I would think it was weird also if it was the guy driving the girl around. Date number three, at least for me, would be long before the relationship is at the level of comfort to ask him to do that sort of thing. My boyfriend of two and half years drives me everywhere and I always tell him I'm only going out with him for his car, but that's way later on in the game.

broke(n) said...

While I (a guy) wouldn't want to have someone else drive me around on a date, it's nice to see that Miss X did spend something on her guy. My ex-fiance never paid a dime for anything (and I always drove).

EsPes said...

if a guy comes here (out of town) to date me, i drive my car. why should he spend money renting a car, when i know how to get everywhere anyway.

Sally Hazel said...

I think it really depends on what the girl expects of a guy. And, since I drove on some of my dates, I found that some guys get a complex because of it and try to overcompensate. And that just wasn't cool.

Mikeinmidwood said...

A woman tells her shidduch " I think that everyone should be equal, a man is no better than a woman". The guy says "fine". when they arrive to dinner, She opens the door herself ( a woman is equal she has some respect for herslef) Then they eat, and comes the bill. The guy says "I will pay my half, we are equal" she then says " but youre the man you pay"

this goes to show, women want their feminine rights, so dont go liberal.

Maidel said...

i should mention that the guy only offered to pay for gas when she said that her tank was empty and didn't have any cash....

frum single female said...

i dont think that it was a big deal that your friend drove on the date, the guy was from out of town.
i dont think its such a big deal that he didnt offer to pay for gas.especially if he paid for the dates. most girls wouldnt offer to pay for gas if they were the one being driven.

Anonymous said...

Ridiculous, if the guy is from out of town isn't it enough he payed the travel fees? Then add on top of that paying for dates.(Well if he was a gentleman he should be paying for the dates, it's just good chivalry.)
He even make an effort to rent a car on the first date.

Factor all the fees and payments with the fact that after a few dates the guy may never even see the girl again.. then rinse and repeat a few times and the bills start adding up.

Some people make a big deal if the woman drives on a date, and I would agree if it is a local guy. However if the guy is from out of town the least the girl could do is drive. Especially in New York where traffic is very different then other cities.

The way I look at it when dating girls in NY, "What is worse then her driving? Driving her car and getting into an accident."

I'm not saying the guy should never drive, just initially if he is from out of town it should not be a big deal. He should offer to pay for gas (chivalry) but truth is if she cannot fill a tank which she would have done normally even if the guy was not taking her out, the least she could do is pay for the gas, or even have filled up prior to the date to make it less awkward for him, and he should make sure the places he gets dropped off are not out of the way for her (more chivalry).

Bottom line, Guys should not get a complex over not driving. It is emasculating, but it is also foolish. Let them prove their driving skills in their hometown when she visits, or if they get past a few dates and are comfortable with eachother.

Anonymous said...

Agreed with comments however they were missing some critical points for an out of town dater
A man comes in from out of town the woman should pick him up from the airport(when the woman comes to the man's hometown of course he picks her up)and agree beforehand to two dates. The Second date (assuming first date was at night)should be the following morning or early afternoon so the man can return home that night. Woman need to understand what the man sacrifices to travel out of town for a date and go on a second date during the daytime.

EsPes said...

that last anon comment is craaaaazyyyyy!!!!
i live out of town and every time i go to a guys city they NEVER pick me up from the airport or go out during the day

Eiran Kreimer said...

No car means = no money,no honey,no funny !!!

chanie said...

Not his fault he doesn't have a car....and I wouldn't hold it against him for asking her to drive. Assume he doesn't know ettiquette, because of whatever it is.

If he's willing to learn, and takes the hint...or tries to do better next time, then fine. Otherwise- not fine.