friends with babies

here's to hoping that no one i know reads this....

A few of my friends have babies.

I'm not particularily close anymore with any of these people - let's face it - once a friend gets married, it's usually GOODBYE! See you when I've got a husband too! (So that we can double date, because let's face it - before then, it's third wheel syndrome. And the third wheel is either me or your husband - awkward either way)

And when they get babies? Fuggedaboutit.

Maybe they would like to spend some time with their non-married friends - you know, to 'get away' from it all...
But listen girl, one word about Diapers, how you have to leave early to pay the sitter, or anything to do with your OBGYN, and I'm out!

Ok, I understand your situation. I do. I know it's most likely in my future as well. But right now, your 12-hour labor is the last thing I need details about.

I love kids. They usually love me too. I've always been a great camp counselor, babysitter, youth advisor.

But babies? I'll admit a lot of babies are cute. But unless they say something funny, they don't really do much to keep my ADD under wraps.

I've changed a few diapers in my life, but I really don't know too much about babies. When you tell me he's 4 months, 8 months, 16 months - I can't help but wonder why you don't just count in years like normal people.

I don't know the difference between a 4 month old and 16 month old either. It can be a problem. A few years back I was asked to babysit someone's grandchild during a wedding. They asked if I was ok with babies. Until that point the youngest I've ever looked after on my own was a 2 year old (other than my siblings!). They told me the baby was 5 months old (i think - like i said, I don't know what that means). I said "sure, I'd be happy too!". I was not.

The baby cried the ENTIRE time. I took her out to the hallway to try and calm her down. I picked her up and tried to rock her in my arms (i do know that shaking a baby is a criminal offense) but she wouldn't stop hollering. The groom and the entire male posse decided to use that moment to walk down to do the Bedekin-ing. I think the baby was louder than the 150 or so men singing. Needless to stay - I've refused babysitting offers ever since!