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maybe it's just me - but in my opinion, Chassidish singles have it easy. Their parents set them up with someone. They sit with that person for 15 minutes in their home. And if they're not 100% repulsed by the sight of that person, they plan a wedding. And everyone pretty much looks and acts the same, so it doesn't really matter which Yoeli or Ruchi they're getting!
The Yeshivish likes to make it a little more complicated. Similar process involving a Shadchan and parents, but then the couple is allowed to escape to the outside world for their date, ie go to a hotel lobby.
But if you're a frum MO single, a date who takes you to a hotel is the kind of date you DON'T want to marry.
I think it's a lot more complicated as an MO single. Do you go through a Shadchan? If not, how are you supposed to meet someone? It's kind of awkward asking someone out when you just bump into them on the street! (a girl in a skirt isn't always Jewish!) And those parties that claim not to be for singles, but really are, are the epitomy of awkwardness. So how are we MO's supposed to meet???
4 comments:
At college, at work, at friends' parties, at the pizza shop... in any setting where people naturally hang out. When I was an MO girl in college
(20 years ago), things were so much more relaxed. Socializing was natural, not frowned upon. Shidduch dating for MOs was practically unheard of, because there was no need. Boys and girls hung out together in groups, went to the movies and restaurants, threw parties, etc., until people started to naturally pair off. I can't understand why dating has become so formal lately among young people. It just makes everything so much harder.
I agree with SR. Perhaps you think of yourself as "MO Machmir" which in that case life is hell.
You want a "frum" guy who probably goes to a shadchan and does not hang out in the kind of social scene that Super Raizy describes.
So you're going to have to figure out where to roll. Good luck.
ok, maybe i do think of myself as MO machmir!
and it def has become a lot more complicated. the guys you meet at the pizza shop are not necessarily the kind you're interested in....
and besides, being from out-of-town, you know everyone at the pizza shop anyhow!
i picked up my wife at the kosher caf in brooklyn college (i always say she's the only good thing i ever got in the caf). one friend met his wife in camp. another in israel. another at a basketball game. yeah, a few did meet their wives through set-ups, but it was nothing like the ridiculously scripted and bureaucratic shidduchim that is de regieur today.
my wife tries to get involved in setting people up. i don't have the patience for this nonsense and i stay away from it as far as possible.
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