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A close family friend phoned me while I was out with the girls.
"What are you doing tomorrow???" she asked. "Can you meet a nice guy for a lunch date??"
Normally when someone calls regarding a potential, I try to ask questions. I'll admit that I don't always do as much research as I should. Because, let's face it - isn't two weeks of research a waste of time when you know in two minutes that a boy is alll wrong for you?
But I do like to know the basics - name, age, height, profession. I'm not even sure I got that far with this one.
I was with my friends, and Shidduch stuff is awkward enough to talk about when you're on the phone at home. Having an audience when you ask "how tall is he?" five times on a cellphone with a bad connection just gets weird.
If it had been anyone else arranging the date, I probably would have faked a really bad connection and hung up. Ok, maybe not. But this is someone I trust, and so I went along with her setup.
Before I tell you how the date went, let me preface this by saying that I HATE first date lunch dates. Well actually - admittedly, this was my first. And having lived the experience, I don't suggest anyone try it at home.
Reasons:
1) People generally look more attractive in the evening, in a candle-lit restaurant. There's a reason they tell you to put your makeup on in natural sunlight - because that's where you can see every pore and blemish. Good for makeup application. Bad for first date. The last thing you need to concentrate on a first date is the whitehead on your guy's forehead.
2) The 'what to wear' issue. It takes me enough time to get ready on average that I don't need the added pressure of trying to decide whether or not to wear heels. I like wearing cute heels. I'm that girl in the office that wears heels when everyone else wears flats. But I'm not crazy. I don't wear heels on pavement. Even Sarah Jessica wears Uggs between takes. And I don't wear heels if I'm not working and having a casual day about town.
So lunch dates confuse me. Do I wear my NineWest flats because it's daytime? Or do I dig through my closet for a more casual heel because it is a date after all?
On this date, I opted to wear a cute pair of relatively low heels with a cute summer dress.
I should have wore Birkenstocks.
My date showed up Moshav-style. Shirt untucked, jeans, I think he was wearing sandals. I swear. Turned out, he was actually from Israel. Here on vacation. (ie - here to find an american girl to get an american green card)
Ok, I'm not being totally fair. He was good looking, had a really good job (and money), spoke English pretty well. But some things just got lost in translation. Like my jokes. Maybe it was the army that made him so serious. Maybe I'm not as funny as I think I am. But how else do I carry on a conversation with a boy who asks "sooooo.... do you have lots of friends?". (and when I said 'yes, do you', he said 'no')
I'm trying to figure out the moral of this story. Should I take more time to look into guys? Should I start keeping an extra pair of flats in my bag on dates? Should I ask if the guy is Israeli?
(fyi -to all you sabras out there, you know i love ya! i just don't want to marry you - if it'll mean I have to wear a shmatta on my head and naots on my feet)
Sunday, August 30, 2009
maybe I shoulda wore birkenstocks...
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25 comments:
First comment!
"'yes, do you', he said 'no'"- Ha, "no"!
"...if it'll mean I have to wear a shmatta on my head and naots on my feet"- Oh yeah, wearing an Indian womans hair to "cover" your hair makes a lot more sense..
shriki shriki shrki.... and we meet again. Try wearing a shaitel. You'll see.
MM- very cute post. At least it wasn't such a bad experience. Write down the lessons you've learnt from this, and move on.
Personally I think the girl should not come with tons of make up - it's not just about the look, but also about the personality which is more important then look because it stays through the life, and look will change after one-two kids.
i forgot to mention that i was talking about first and possibly second date.
so, on 1st and 2nd dates, no make up?
Cannot agree with you more. Heels and shaitels is not very Israeli. For me, born in Europe, it was slightly a cultural shock: "What, I have to let go my heels? And this wrapping thing around my head make me look really scary!!!" Not all Israelis are like that, but in general the dress style is very different between Sabra and Americana. You can tell at the wedding in Israel - who is who. But if you ever consider to move there, a hat and low heels will probably let you blend in better than fancy shaitel and 7 inch heels. Good luck!
@Altie - Exactly. Obviously it's up to girl and this is my personal preference. But... wanna try? ;)
@SeekingJustice - 7 inch heals???? That's size of girls foot, sometimes even more!! What, walking like a ballerine? I fell on the floor already without even trying it...
BTS- u asking me out? :P
Too bad for you, I wear make up every day. And I'm not gonna stop just for you. Or any dates.
@Altie - i thought I made it clear - it's my own preference and I leave it up to the girl to decide. yes I do :P
:) Too bad. Not gonna happen.
@Altie - too bad I'm fine with that. It's internet...
Ok then. I'm not insulted. But you are missing out...
@Altie Neither am I. We're jews - we can't insult each other. Anyways I ain't missing out more than you do though
Can't insult each other? Is that a statement, cuz I think I'm guilty on that account.
So we're both missing out. Agreed.
@Altie - no guilt accepted, you're ain't guilty.
Aaah, maybe not here, but on other blogs... you should see the insults flying. Not pretty.
will you two just get a room?
:) good idea.
@Altie - it's a good time to ask other people to forgive you if you really think you've insulted someone...
@Maidel - we can't, it's called yichud..
if two people are alone in a chat room - is that yichud?
Well good thing to think about, but it was just playful insults and I don't think anyone was hurt by it... but good to remember just in case.
Do you think theres such a thing as yichud on the internet?
@Maidel, Altie - that was another playful reply ;P
I'm with Dude, seeing someone with so much makeup that she looks like she belongs on a street corner or in a circus is seriously barf. And that includes all dates.
Actually, if you've seen the newer Naots, they are quite stylish.
ok, I'm reading your blog backwards, I've read posts but haven't commented on posts with too many debating comments, so I figured here's a good time to speak up.
It's interesting you say you wear heels often. I've never worn flats, but I wear wedges for both weekday and shabbos, so that when I was on dates I always wore the same shoe, and it fit in for both, I wore it to the lounge- first date, Restaurant-3rd and 8th date, Hershey park-7th date (luckily they stayed on my feet while we were on the rides that go in the air with your dangling feet), and all those between. So that's why I decided for the vort I'll get heels, but I wonder if I'll ever wear them again.
Now with makeup, my friend is telling me that you always have to wear make up and look good. That when she first got married, she would wake up early every morning before her husband so that she can put on make up and look pretty for him, I thought that was funny. Of course now with a baby, she doesn't do that.
About chat rooms, I think it is Yichud. The internet in general I think can be considered Yichud, especially for guys, that's why they say to have the computer in the living room or a public place where people can be watching.
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