Wednesday, June 3, 2009

future m-in-law, part 2

My fave comment on that last post was made by Been There - "Run away. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Flee."

That's exactly what I did.

Some of you may not agree with that decision.

You may think it's not fair to the guy. That he may in fact be the man of my dreams. And that I'm letting this minor detail get in the way of the big picture.

Except I am thinking about the big picture.

I know that no matter what anyone says - you don't just marry a person - you marry their baggage too.

And a mother that wants to meet every girl her son dates - before he dates them - is quite a heavy load of luggage, in my humble opinion.

(as if the fact that she would be a Jewish M-in-law wasn't enough. There's a reason that most Jewish jokes are about this lovely character, donchathink?)

12 comments:

Frayda said...

*****Bitchy comment alert*****
This is why girls your age are considered picky. You turn down guys for things that are not a big deal. you never even met him!!!!! just because his mother wants to meet you, doesn't mean you guys aren't right for each other. you said yourself "he sounds like a pretty good guy, definitely someone I'd give a chance to" but then you didn't. can't you understand why his mother would want to meet you first? it is not like asking you to do something crazy like learn to knit or cook a four course shabbos meal or take care of a pretend baby for a week.

BigPhil said...

I understand why you did what you did (and I'd probably have done the same), but the point is, you never know. And now you will never know!

You're right about this being a package deal though - and I do think if you can live with the package AND the person then you'll be happier in the long run, but at the same time, you've got to give the "person" a chance before you reject the "package" - not the other way around.

You are marrying *him*, and if you like what/who he comes with, great, but if you don't, then you deal with it, one way or the other (and that will be the geatest measure of how much you really like him).

Be happy MM - you really deserve it.

Honestly Frum said...

The whole idea is crazy. Even if he is the man of your dreams remeber you are marrying his family as well. Turn and run like hell.

NotaGeek! said...

Congrats with your decision...

Ezzie said...

I was kind of torn on this one. You're not really marrying the family... but it plays a role. How much of a role depends on the guy/girl... but here, the guy is clearly letting the mother do this (even if he's unhappy about it). That means she at this point exerts some kind of control over him.

I could see going out and seeing if it's really an issue; but I don't think it's unreasonable to pass for that reason.

SuperRaizy said...

You did the right thing.

ng said...

i think i agree with Frayda, comment no. 1.
im not going to criticise your decision, theyre words on a computer screen, but as i said when you asked us, youve got to meet the guy at least. even though you marry his baggage, who doesnt have baggage?

Lion of Zion said...

"This is why girls your age are considered picky."

i do think that frum girls are too picky, but in this case MM did the right thing

Anonymous said...

Agreed. I'm guessing that if the mother wants to meet you first, it probably means the guy wants his mother to see *what you look like* before he bothers to step in himself. Pretty lame.

G6 said...

I was also torn on this one (and took the coward's way out by waiting to see what others said).

I am torn because I've been both the girl AND the mother....
The girl in me says run like hell.
The mother says.... well......

The only thing I can offer is that truthfully you'd figure out a lot quicker how toxic this mother is by actually meeting her one time. You never know... you might be surprised ...or not... but meeting her would give you A LOT more information.

Moshe said...

Should've met her, at least for the blog material.

Anonymous said...

Agree'd with Moshe... MM totally should have done it for the shits and giggles than for the potential shiduch.

As soon as MM knew it was a no go based on the mother wanting to meet her first, she should have gone ahead and met the mother for the story.