Thursday, June 18, 2009

crazy shadchan questions - the outrage edition

I have a feeling this next sentence is gonna sound like the beginning of a Yenta's tale.

I started thinking after I read a post written by Ezzie over at SerandEz where he wrote about a comment he saw written by N on a post written by Bad for Shidduchim.

It always surprises me to hear those crazy questions asked by today's yentas (aka Shadchans). Personally, the craziest question I ever got was whether I wore pantyhose or not (ok, crazy where I'm coming from). But still, all those stories I hear from my friends have me wondering what some people are smoking today.

First - because those questions are mamush crazy. ( I know, I wrote 'mamush'. But I live in Brooklyn - I guess the peer pressure has finally gotten to me. But don't worry. I haven't started wearing headbands on the back of my head with a major poof in front. And Grey's Anatomy is on summer hiatus, so I stopped using 'seriously'... well not seriously, but kinda)

Ok back to crazy. (I can't say 'retarded' because apparently that's not a nice word anymore. Although maybe in this case, I don't have to be so nice). So crazy. The questions are simply nuts. What normal (non-retarded) person would ask such a question?

Second - because aren't these people supposed to be 'frum' (whatever that means). Shadchans pretend that they ask these questions because they 'need to know' how 'frum' a single is. And yet, rather ironically, the questions posed are so incredibly UN-frum, UN-tznius, horribly indecent, morally-debasing and degrading. I would even add 'dehumanizing' to my list of complaints. That's right. Treating men and women as though they are pieces of meat, up for inspection to be sold at market is dehumanizing.

What does this demonstrate of the values and morals of today's society? How does this reflect on the ideals of the so-called 'frum' community?

Concerns about someone's lineage, wealth, appearance, job - aren't those extremely gashmius, un-holy, un-frum concerns?


frum single female said...

and people wonder why there is a shidduch crisis. sheesh.

Ezzie said...

Unfortunately, that's exactly it. It's information people really want to know, but the only way to really find out is to present it as part of the process. That somehow makes it "kosher".

Moshe said...

Well, people who'd really want to know that kind of information have a serious problem.

Anonymous said...

Whatever happened to finding someone who has a sincere passion AND respect for yidishkite. Since everyone has their own standards that they wish to go by and different levels of religious observance. If you find someone with that type of genuine passion and respect on whatever level is right for you, or close enough to your level. Then they should be a match. The rest is all details in regards to frumkite. Details that you have to work through and sort out as they are not significant issues regardless of what someone else tells you. All true relationships requires a little compromise, tolerance, and accommodation... from both sides.

Anonymous said...

Forget Shadchans try