Saturday, December 6, 2008

do you eat at weddings?

Can you tell my plan to study is going well tonight?

FrumSatire just (seriously, like as in five minutes ago) posted about Food at Weddings.

So... do you eat at weddings?

My parents are just like Frum's. When they come home from a wedding, they judge the event based on qualities that I never normally even think about - the FOOD and how loud the music was. Not 'oh the Bride looked gorgeous' or 'the Brother of the groom have a great speech', but it's usually, 'Ugh - the food was disgusting. I thought those people were rich. I guess they have no taste!'

I will admit they do sometimes have positive comments. But I think my parents (and a lot of their friends) are often even harsher critics than Zagats!

Me? I rarely eat at weddings. Not because I'm not starved or because I'm a picky eater. But usually because by the time I get back to my table from the dancefloor, my plate's already been taken away!

And during the cocktails pre-sit down portion of an event, (some call this the smorgasboard - which I think is a kinda ugly term; others call this the hors d'oeuvres - much fancier), I HATE having to carry around a plate of food or having a mouth full of sushi and/or chicken on a stick (whatever do you do with that stick afterwards!). And I'm usually more excited about the pretty fruity drinks and worried about my dress fitting to eat anything!

No, I'm definitely not anorexic (although sometimes I wish I had their self-control, like now, when I should be studying). But to me, a great wedding is one where I have a ton of fun, dancing with friends around a bride I know and love.


Lion of Zion said...

"I HATE having to carry around a plate of food"

uh huh. how come they never have enough tables? and isn't there a הלכה against eating while walking?

"it's usually, 'Ugh - the food was disgusting."

i never understand this. people complain about the high cost of weddings but then feed into the expectations with these types of comments. and it's not like most of us are giving gifts that come anywhere near the cost of our presence at the wedding. american ashkenazim and cheapest and worst in this regard.

frumskeptic said...

LOZ- In russian circles it is VERY common for people to call up restuarants prior to events to find out how much the host is paying per person. Then the Russians give gifts of that amount plus a bit more.

I remember my parents did that pre=frum days. Now they can't. Its terribly annoying to have to guess how much e/t costs.

Maidel said...

wow - that is brilliant frumskeptic! maybe i should start doing the same! (you can totally do that too! make friends with the people who run the halls in your area!)

and by the way Lion of Zion - I don't condone racism on here! My parents are Ashkis and give enough for a downpayment on a car....

NotaGeek! said...

Frumskeptic that sounds like a good idea....
The more you spend the more you get...
It wouldn't work where I live, everybody would just call their caterer before the event to raise the prices...

The Babysitter said...

yea I never liked the carrying around food either.

I notice men have a much easier time eating at shmorgas boards. The woman are usually just talking to all their friends at that time.

About the actual meal, I find that if I come for the chupah and then get a seat then I usually have a plate, I don't dance all the way to the end so I get to sit down when they serve the meal.

With Bar Mitzvas my brothers kept lists of all the gifts they got, then based on that they would see how much to spend on the gift for that person when they made a bar mitzvah.

I don't think the gift should be payment for your invite and the cost of the meal. Cause then it's not a gift and it becomes payment. A gift shows there's thought to it, and it's something extra they get because their getting married.

Child Ish Behavior said...

blech. what's the point of going if your not going to partake. the bride is always gorgeous at her own wedding, and brothers rarely give speeches in OJ weddings. All that changes is the food and the other "gashmius".

frumskeptic said...

Babysitter- "With Bar Mitzvas my brothers kept lists of all the gifts they got, then based on that they would see how much to spend on the gift for that person when they made a bar mitzvah. "

I don't understand that. What if the person who gave the crappy gift was teh person who just couldn't afford to give you the better gift? Why would you judge a gift based on how much they spent on you? How is that any different than just doing it the good ol' Russian way and you just spend what they spent on you (for your seat), and not show up if you can't afford your own seat.

notageek- In Russian circles you can't just have the caterer raise up the price. The approximate price/restuarant is usually pretty much known by the people. So what happens is, you call up and you find out what kind of menu they're giving, and what extras and you end up knowing EXACTLY how much they spent because you probably had a friend or an acquiantance who has had an event there beforehand...or you may just be plannning to do an event there yourself.

Whatever...I like that way. It always worked out. A wedding was exactly what it was halachically meant to be, an investment by the parents for their daughter. You invest ALOT into it you get alot. You invest a little bit, you get little.