Monday, November 17, 2008

slimy shmulis

Ok, since I've spent all that energy writing about my fellow females - why not spend some time discussing the male equivalent of a hot chani? I'm calling these guys Slimy Shmulis.

They're the guys married to Hot Chanis (the gaudy type). They may even be responsible for perpetuating the Hot Chani trend - guys who's roving eyes make their women so self-concious they think they need to dress a certain way and keep up a certain look to keep their men from straying. But Slimy Shmulis do stray. But only with Shiksas, because then it doesn't count.

Slimy Shmulis are the Jewish answer to the Italian Mobster. They wear pinstriped suits, black velvet kippahs, and pointed leather shoes. When they do 'dress down', it's a black polo shirt with the same pinstriped pants and pointed leather shoes. They spend more time in the mirror than a Hot Chani, ensuring that every hair on their head is slicked back into place.

Slimy Shmulis drive big black Escalades or other luxury cars, which they may or may not be able to afford. You never know how much money a Slimy Shmuli has or what he does to earn it. Sometimes he's in 'real estate' or in 'cell phones', but he's always on his Blackberry 'making big deals'.


Here's a photo to give you an idea:



12 comments:

Jessica said...

Ew. Any guy in pointed shoes creeps me out.

frumskeptic said...

i agree with Jessica.

but, lol on the post. :)!
hate the slimy shmulis. I know exactly what you're referring too.

Friendly Frummie said...

Very funny! The guy I know who most fits the stereotype is now on his second marriage (and as slimy as ever).

(BTW, it's hypocritical to be mad about people mocking "hot chanis" and then go and do the same for another stereotype. I love the post, but let's be fair.)

Maidel said...

did I sound upset in my Hot Chani post?

If you want to talk dirt, be my guest. Dirt off my shoulder.

Jacob Da Jew said...

Yeah, pointy shoes are nawsty. Give me a solid square toed shoe. Bonus: You can boot the little dog/cat/offending animal further with eth square toed.

Slimy Shmuleys...basically the yeshivish hocker.

EsPes said...

great post! very funny!

also i wanted to ad in that their black polo shirt has to be lacoste or burbury only!

Maidel said...

i guess they are like the yeshivish hocker.... but now he has a name!

stam[azoid] said...

LOL!!!! where did u get that pic from? poor guy!

Maidel said...

lol i promise that guy's name is not shmuli!

i actually wish i had a better example - but he'll do!

frumpunk said...

Oh man, I know exactly the type of guy you're talking about. I mostly see them in Brooklyn. They don't seem to exist around here, but they're probably pretty prevalent in London.

One thing though: My dress shoes are rounded and kinda pointyish. I don't like suits with square-toed shoes.

The Babysitter said...

their also the type that talk in text lingo, and try to act cool, sometimes they smoke too.

Gavi said...

Hey, I dress like that but I certainly hope I am not slimy!!