Tuesday, July 1, 2008

breaking up with shadchans

so i went on this date the other day with a guy suggested to me by a shadchan.
the date itself wasn't too bad, but the guy was just soooo not for me. i hate to write anyone off after the first five seconds, but i could just tell by his outfit that things would go nowhere. (im not usually so materialistic, ok maybe i am, but seriously - his pants were pulled up so high he was practically giving himself a wedgie!)
even if i dont like a guy, i make sure to do the decent thing and attempt to make conversation. maybe this guy thought i was into it, because at the end of the date, he says "so, do you want to meet again?" This is AFTER he's already asked me whether I want to go through the Shadchan, to which I responded YES (even though I'm not normally a Shadchan type of girl). Unfortunately, I'm not that great with the word NO, so when he asked for a second date, I was like "ummmmmm, ya, sure!". Oy vey. What to do now????
Should I just send the breakup message to the Shadchan? Is that the easy way out?

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Using the shadchan can reduce the awkwardness for you, but might make it harder on him. As far as what to say....well, that's a bit trickier...

Davey said...

If you are sure u dont want to go out again, u should not go on a pitty date (waste of time for u and him).

I would just call him up and tell him that you were thinking about it and just dont see this going anywhere.

jackpot said...

if u wouldn't have said yes, u could just tell the shadchan u dont wanna go out again. in ur case u sort of said yes, u might have to follow through. dont they say u should always go out twice before absolutely saying no. unless there was nothing doing from the word hello.... well only u know that....

frum single female said...

i agree with davey. dont go on a pity date. only go out a second time if u think it could be something. long ago i went on two dates with someone when it should have only been one and it was disasterous. my friend kept telling me i should always go on a second date just to "be sure" . well, i was sure after date one, but i thought id take her advise anyway. well, on date two my date asked me what made me go on date two with him since it had seemed clear to him on date one that i wasnt interested. well i of course didnt tell him the real reason, but after that i decided that its best to be true to ones self and that it isnt nice to go out a second time with someone when one knows from before date that it was always a big fat no.
say no via shadchon or directly, but dont go on a second date unless you think its shayach.

Alex30 said...

Dear Maidel i think you should never tell a guy yes unless you mean it!
imho you should decide if the guy is not a nebech who will be too upset with your rejection...

on another note, did you tell the shadchan exactly what you want? i havent been to a shadchan (always when i visit home i get bombed with numbers of shadchanim or wannabes...) but i can imagine being liberal you might hold back a couple of small details from the shadchan that can really make a difference!

About Results Marketing said...

Sorry - you're to nice... If he's too much of a nebach, that's his problem. I'm not being cruel - it's just that it's not your responsibility if the guy is immature

Maidel said...

is it wrong to go out with him a second time with the intention of giving him a makeover and maybe some dating tips?

singleandjewish said...

Nothing wrong with it, your help can help him a lot!
by the way i need some tips too :)

frumsatire said...

Go on the second date and make sure you get the most expensive thing on the menu...

Call the shadchun and tell her/him I have done the same thing several time- I always feel bad for the girl.